23 February, 2005
the guy who snuck up behind me last night and jammed a javelin betwixt the vertebrae in my neck please alert me immediately so I can track him down like the sneaky sadistic bastard that he is and and beat him senseless with his own elbow. Just make sure he isn't on my right because my head doesn't want to turn that way.
I hate it when I sleep weird. It probably doesn't help that we're still sleeping on the same mattress I bought for my first apartment in college about 15,000 years ago. It wasn't a high end mattress in the first place but the lady said it'd get me through college. Little did she know that I'd never finish college and 8+ years later I'd still be sleeping on it. So now I'm in the market for a new bed.
I figure if I have to save for one anyway I should at least try to budget for a bigger and better one. I got this one when it was just me that'd be partaking of it. (and since my mom reads this on occasion for the purposes of this blog I was the only human to ever get within eyeshot of my bed till I married M. seriously. no one else. forget what you've heard. just me. no really. i love you, mommy.) Now each night you can find piled on the same mattress a good chunk of the population of this house. We stuff M, Big Fat Gus, and Big Fat Ruby, and me in it along with almost 43.2 million pillows of varying size and color (I'm prohibited by Girl Law to reveal the true necessity and nature of throw pillows. Rest assured, they do have a purpose. And no, your girlfriend/wife/female in your life will not tell you what it is.) along with 2 separate comforters (since M can't seem to grasp the concept of cover sharing). Every other weekend it houses me, BFGus, BFRuby, Princess protege, an array of remote controls that go to any number of televisions/DVD's/stereos/etc. and the entire population of the Polly Pocket and American Girl Doll worlds. After Princess passes out from exhaustion we move her to her own room and M gets the chance to convince me why I should let him share the bed. Once I get free space I make myself comfy right smack in the middle. Even the dogs aren't safe from my bed hoggage.
So now I think it might be time for an upgrade. The queen mattress and boxsprings that was quite sufficient when I was 20 is severely lacking in square footage now that I'm...ahem...not 20 anymore. A queen size barely accommodates the square footage of my own ass now. So I'm in the market for a California King size. In fact, if I can find something bigger than that then that's what I want. If I could just have a mattress custom made to fit the entire volume of our bedroom I'd happily save and shell out the buckage for it. I just want to turn my whole room into one big bed.
When you think about it carefully you can see the benefits of having a room size bed:
* no vacuuming. when vacuuming time comes around you just change the sheets and move on. i hate vacuuming. i prefer laundry to vacuuming any day.
* bed hoggage is a thing of the past. if your spouse wanders into your bed space by mistake you can just give him a shove and he rolls out the door and into the family room. just follow close enough so you can lock the door before he wakes up and tries to get back in.
* no straining your back trying to lift the extra chunky beagle with back problems onto the bed. this applies to Ruby. no one can say we starve her, that's fo damn sho.
* no trying to retrieve things that have fallen and rolled under the bed. if they are under the bed now they are in the crawlspace and there isn't a chance in hell I'm going down there. whatever it is i don't need it that bad. i'll just buy another one.
* you can lay in bed all day long and say that you're just cleaning your room.
I'm all for it. However, if I save and scrimp to get a big giant bed it's MY bed. Forget M. There are 3 other bedrooms in this house. He can get his own. That'll teach him to steal my favorite blanket.
Posted at 3:57 PM
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