Tales of 3

I'm moving.

2006-02-17T12:34:00.000-05:00

New digs in real space = new digs in cyberspace. I'll get to the blogging soon. Sheesh, moving is hard work. If you need me I'll be at

http://insurgenthousewife.blogspot.com/

Till then, I am, as always...

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Lola needs...

2005-10-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

Since I can't blog about what is going on in my life and I think about it far too much anyway, I'd say this is a good time for a copycat post. So this is what happens when you type in [your name] and the word "needs". And now for your moment of meme.

Lola needs... a good home to call her own. (prophetic, no?)

Lola needs... someone to write a user manual for the database.

Lola needs... a hundred thousand marks for Manni.

Lola needs... to go sit down somewhere.

Lola needs... to let her inner slut out for an airing.

Lola needs... the love of her life to accept the changing tide of his life.

Lola needs... to help her boyfriend, Manni, out of a jam he's gotten himself into. (ahhh, I was wondering who Manni was. Run, Lola, run.)

Lola needs... to be sold NOW as her owner has already purchased a new pony and horse.

Lola needs... to get some capital behind her and sort out her next step.

Lola needs... even more.

In the immortal words of Missy B (words that were taught to her by Lola herownself) , TAA DAA!!!

Help me help you help me.

2005-10-17T12:05:00.000-04:00

I've tried and tried and I finally give up. I can't get the stupid haloscan to work correctly on this template. I screwed it up somehow and have no earthly idea how to go about unscrewing it. Instead of having comments for each entry it shows all new comments on each new entry and on all the old ones as well. If anyone knows how to remedy this error I'd gladly welcome the help.

Other than that, my life is in continuous turmoil and my habitation hangs in the balance. Since I have recently become wary of Spies Ima hold off on telling anything about it here until whatever needs to be done is done. Rest assured that there will be one heck of a story to tell at some point. Patience, dear friends, patience.

The New Digs

2005-10-05T17:44:00.000-04:00

I have a new template, so that's cool. I'm still working out the bugs in it and haven't gotten around to adding all my links or any blinkies. Adding the comments section was a pain. Haloscan's auto install was having problems so I had to add it manually, which took about a million hours since I have virtually no idea what I'm doing and I'm learning it a piece at a time. However, I do like this template. It is pretty and simple. Those are two things my life is NOT at the moment.

There isn't a whole lot more news right now. At least none I can post here. We're still trying to find a solution to the newest obstacle. No solution in sight. There is a lot more laundry in sight though so I need to finish the folding. Then I can start on the mountain of dishes that has miraculously appeared in the sink. After that I can finally start dinner. Woo freakin' hoo.

I'm out. Again. Hope you like the new digs.

2005-10-05T16:35:00.000-04:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I hate roller coasters

2005-10-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

I thought we had a foothold. I thought things might, just might, be turning in our favor. Turns out it was just those stupid clicks before the big drop. I'll be hanging upside down soon. That smile on Sunday was a fluke.

She may not be bright but she is crafty and she does play dirty.

Plus, I have the hiccups.

And the migraines are back.

But I do have cookies.

And creme brulee ice cream from Hagen Daz.

And Starting Over is being TiVoed as we speak.

And I have Natasha Bedingfield's new CD.

Someone please pray for strength for M. I think God is sick of listening to me. Either that or His answer was "No". I hope it is just the first one because this is officially too much for me and my next therapy appointment isn't till next Friday.

On another note, I am thoroughly sick of this template. I found a few I like but they come in zip files and although I have Winzip I have no idea how to use it. If anyone wants to teach me I am willing to learn. I just need a change.

Blech, Ima go fold laundry.

Crazycrazycrazy

2005-09-28T11:01:00.000-04:00

That's my life. Well, hell. Y'all know that. You've been here.

For the past few days I've been taking care of my Grandmother, Mo. Apparently it is my lot in life to take care of somebody's grandparent. I'm thankful that this time it is my own and that I get the chance to spend some time with her. We have always gotten along (as long as I am not co-habitating with her) and are a lot alike. I don't know what that says about me because we all know she's nuts. It is the good kinda nuts though. Fortunately, since we are so alike I have insights on when she is feeding a line of crap to my parents and can tip them off. Unfortunately, since we are so similar, when she decides that she wants someone there with her she means me. She's decided that as soon as I get a car she wants to pay me to come over and cook and keep house for her. I loaded her up on food yesterday (shrimp sauteed in a pesto cream sauce over angel hair pasta for yesterday and a big pot of chili to take care of the next few days that I won't be able to get over there) and got as much cleaning done as I could. I've also convinced her to see her doctor about her "balance problem". She says it is her inner ear. We know otherwise, but whatever.

I took the new dog over there to introduce them. Mo is very fond of Copper and made me move off of the couch when she thought he wanted to sit where I was. That's normal. Copper has been doing great and is fitting in really well. He loves to play all the time. I forgot how much fun it was to play with a dog who doesn't get bored with toys in a few seconds. Of course, Copper's toys don't last much longer than a few minutes since his greatest joy in life is to destroy anything that claims to be indestructible. He's gone through about 25 toys since we've had him and just keeps coming back for more. He's such a good dog though. He will not play with anything that hasn't been given to him so I have no fear that my shoes or the cell phone or my remotes are in danger of being Copperized. His favorite game is tug o' war but he is having a great time learning how to fetch and M is having a great time having a reason to throw a football. Our biggest problem is Copper not fully understanding that he can't have the run of the upstairs portion of the house yet. I finally found a barricade that works yesterday so that makes my life a little easier when I have to leave the house and I can't take him with me.

We've made a little progress on the house front. No full details until we've got it completely done, but I'll let y'all know when that happens. We are finishing the kitchen this weekend. Okay, we're finishing all the kitchen projects that we already have the supplies for this weekend and will continue on it as we get the money to buy the very few remaining supplies. Either way, I will finally have my kitchen soon. That's a BIG yea! Hey, progress is progress.

We had "the money talk" with The MIL Monday night. She now knows that we will pay our share of the household bills but since The Spy is without a job she will be responsible for his bills until he starts to pay them himself. This could explain the fact that after she had a little talk with The Spy soon after ours he left the house bright and early the next morning and came home with employment. Nothing like unveiled threats to get the ball rolling, huh?

One of the few times God worked fast and I asked for the wrong thing.

2005-09-26T09:44:00.000-04:00

Remember when I said that I hoped The Spy lost his job for continuing to call in to work to spy on my ass? Well, I hope I win a million dollars.

Yup, he is currently unemployed. Also, his chances of currently being emplyable are nil considering that he doesn't leave this house except to go to the front porch to smoke. Personally, I think that is kinda silly anyway because everyone else has just started smoking in the house lately. M and I have kept to confined to the downstairs portion of the house but BIL #2 and his girlfriend were watching a football game in the living room on Saturday and puffing away.

For the record, no, I have no clue how The Spy will be paying his bills, but since he has been The MIL's butt monkey for several months now Ima make sure she knows who M and I feel is responsible for his financial security.

In other news, Mo is having a rough time of it lately. She isn't really eating. She said she would eat, but only if I brought her dinner every night. So, of course I'll be doing that. Seeing as I don't have a car and The Spy isn't doing anything else impotant, he's gonna be schlepping my ass to and from until further notice. Because if he doesn't I will find a way to cut off the air supply to his bedroom.

Let's see, what else? Oh, I got the sweetest call from my "baby brother" on Saturday. No, we didn't recently add another member to our family, D and I were pretty much raised together and have always considered each other siblings. I haven't talked to him in forever and I was so thrilled to hear from him. I now have his new cell phone number so I will be pestering him ad nauseum from now on. He is just the greatest guy ever. He's smart, funny, cute, accomplished, and phenominally talented. I couldn't be prouder of him if he personally brought me beer.

mmmmmmmm, beer. Is it too early for beer?

That's about it. I'm working on a new iPod playlist and I'm sure the fact that I have a raging case of PMS will color it slightly. I'll let you know how it turns out if I ever decide to crawl back out of it.

Spies Like Us

2005-09-20T09:25:00.000-04:00

She's set her spy on me now. I guess to make sure that I don't steal grandmonster's Neil Diamond scrapbook. I tried to tell her that it is only actual diamonds I like but I don't think she listens too well. She was too busy stealing MY Noritake china.

The joke's on her though. Her spy doesn't wake up till about 5pm, and then he goes outside and smokes and talks on the phone to his girlfriend until 11. I could rob the place blind.

Hence the fact that there are no longer plastic lawn animals on the front porch.

Just so she knows, the fact that her spy is here and not at work means that when he can't come up with his share of the bills this month she gets to pay them. I hope he loses his job.

I guess I finally got to the pissed off place, huh? I'm going back to bed. The new season of Starting Over started yesterday. It is a couple's boot camp. I like to watch and laugh at their silly little problems. Then I send them emails and offer to trade. Plus, I want Iyanla's entire wardrobe. It looks like it doesn't touch a single part of her body. I can get into that. I think Ima get even fatter so I can wear stuff like that more often.

I am well on my way to reaching that goal. I had a bakedown (kinda like a breakdown but with shortening and sugar) yesterday and made 3 dozen blueberry muffins. Hey, we didn't want the pints of fresh blueberries in my fridge to go bad, did we?

Wrongness

2005-09-18T16:34:00.000-04:00

I want to punch my MIL in the face. Is that wrong? I'd love to take one swing and hit the MIL and her husband simultaniously. However, since my mama raised me right I refrain both from hitting them and/or letting them know I really want to.

Sometimes being the good southern girl both sucks and blows at the same time.

Details possibly to follow at some point when I am a lot less angry.

The end.

2005-09-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd have a blog entry just waiting at the tips of my fingers to post on here but I guess I'm not quite ready to do that yet. Instead I will post a very few facts and and continue to wade through the next few days until a solid post seems reasonable.

Grandmonster lost her battle with The Cancer around 3:00 am, Sunday September 11th. She was sleeping but woke up just a few seconds before she left. Visitation will be from 2-8 tomorrow (Tuesday September 13th) and the funeral is at 2pm on Wednesday.

The MIL dropped her basket.

We still have no details as to how any of the technical things will get worked out but I am still on the case.

As for me, I'm gritting my teeth and hangin' in there. As long as my bicuspids hold out I should be okay.

That's all.

The End.

Well, she's home.

2005-09-10T11:53:00.000-04:00

That's something at least. Although MIL messed the homecoming plans up royally and I had to do a whole lot of desperate phone calling to make sure that all medical professionals involved realized she was home. MIL just sorta brought her home and neglected to let the doctors or hospice know her plans and then went bat guano when there was no hospice nurse scheduled to come over that night and no prescriptions ready to give her and no supplies to keep her healthy and infection free. Finally we have it mostly worked out to where Grandmonster no longer misses a dose of pain meds and the infection doesn't get any worse. It is a real, true miracle that she made it through Wednesday night. She spent the majority of it non-responsive and struggling for breath.

I taught MIL and the brothers how to use the oxygen machines and how to clean a G tube and administer meds. If only I could get it through to them that having a signed will is of the utmost importance. We're still working furiously on that one and have the help of BIL#2 and his girlfriend. Power of Attorney is going to be a struggle too.

I did get an actual phone message from T.G. Sheppard hisownself on Thursday night. He is going to defiantly call her and he is still trying to arrange his schedule to fly up here personally to show her some love. What an amazingly sweet and caring man. Again, I take back all the less than stellar things I have said about him. I'm not gonna take those entries off the blog or anything, I just won't say any more from now on. Hey, erasing the funny doesn't do anyone any good, after all. We all need the funny.

So the vigil still goes on. Grandmonster is happy to be home. The hospice nurse informed me the other night that it was a goal of Grandmonster to be at home and now she seems to have reached that goal and has stopped fighting. I'm not sure if that is good news or bad, but I'm really glad that she is where she wants to be and is comfortable.

In other news, we got the new dog. It was an emergency situation because he didn't have anywhere to go and his other Beagle Mama has already moved, leaving him homeless and squatting in a tiny apartment with an unfriendly dog. She brought him over on Tuesday to visit and see how things went with Gus and Ruby and he just never left. His name is Copper and he is so incredibly beautiful we can hardly stand it. He is still a little bit puppy (just over a year old) and is so playful. He loves toys and makes the rounds with every dog toy we have in the house and hasn't claimed anything that isn't a toy as his own. What a polite beagle! He runs and plays and LOVES the backyard. He grew up in apartments so he is having a great time going outside to play on his own anytime he wants. He prances around the backyard like a kid around a present covered Christmas tree. He sleeps on the bed with us and the other two dogs, with his pretty little head snuggled up on my knee and curled into a little ball of fuzz. We're taking pictures so as soon as I have some I'll post them.

Although it seemed like poor timing to get another dog, M is getting so much joy and smiles and laughs out of Copper that I have to re-evaluate my thoughts on it. I think it is perfect timing. A little time consuming but worth it. It seems to be harder and harder to get M to really smile so I'll take all the help I can get.

Okay, the hospice nurse is supposed to call soon so Ima get off the computer now. If you have any spare prayers just laying around we sure could use them. Thanks. Love you. Bye.

-Lo

All jokes aside.

2005-09-04T15:20:00.000-04:00

In the last 5 years since she was diagnosed with breast cancer, Grandmonster has had about eleventeen dozen attacks of the cancer. They usually occur any time M and I have something planned that doesn't include her, such as anniversaries or birthdays or Valentine's Days. They generally require us to put away any thought of doing anything together and drop everything and take care of her. And we pretty much do just that. And she is pretty much never having an attack of anything other than plain old jealousy. This was not one of those times.

For anyone who I haven't already gotten the word to yet, here's what has been going on here in the past few days. Grandmonster has still been vomiting and not getting better. The docs were stumped. The MIL maintained that it was due to acid reflux. The docs decided to do an exploratory surgery last Wednesday and see who was right. It wasn't The MIL. They opened Grandmonster up and closed her right back up. It is the cancer. The cancer has attacked. The cancer is gonna win. By Wednesday afternoon the doctors gave her a month at best. By Wednesday night it had been downgraded to a week. Now, Sunday afternoon, they aren't sure how she is still here. She will tentatively be released Tuesday to come home. We have the meeting with hospice on Monday. Until then we are just standing vigil and waiting for her to go, which hopefully won't happen till she is home.

We've been up there every day, but I've been trying to make it possible for M to be home by 8 every night. He obviously isn't taking things well and he can't stand to stay in the room with her for very long without breaking down. I've been spending the night with Grandmonster so The MIL doesn't have to stay there by herself and so I can field all transactions with any and all nurses since The MIL has effectively pissed them all off one by one and I don't want to see Grandmonster go without pain meds again.

On an up note, we now have T.G. Shepperd's actual home phone number. We've talked to his publicist and he is trying to do some rearranging. At the very worst Grandmonster is gonna get a phone call from T.G. himself. At best, the man is going to fly here to see her in person. I would like to officially take back every single bad thing I have ever said about him and issue a public apology. I took a cd player and three of his cd's and a Neil Diamond cd in on Thusday and have been happily listening to them since. Now I'm not planning on adding them on to my iPod or anything, but as far as I am concerned T.G. is good people. Grandmonster doesn't know anything about the possibility of a visit or phone call yet (and neither do The MIL or BIL #1, it has been strictly between M, BIL#2 and his girlfriend and myself) so if anyone plans to call DO NOT mention it, please. It's a surprise that we want to wait to unveil till we know the actual details, so SHHHHHHH.

The times I am not at the hospital I am making sure all the bills are paid and the shopping is done and the dogs are taken care of and everyone's kids have someone to watch them. (I'm watching Princess Protege now so her dad can spend some time with Grandmonster.) Unfortunately it also has fallen to me to make sure other affairs are in order (which they aren't but I'm getting as many ducks in a row as I can, considering) so if I'm slow on the updating in the near future this would be why.

"So how are you holding up, Lola?", you might ask. To which I would reply, "Not well, but I'm hanging in there." I'll have my breakdown. Just not for a while. M is still reeling from his father's death just one month ago and the second this hit him I knew it was more important for me to be the rock on this one than for us to lean on each other. (so sayeth the therapist as well)

So....okay. That's pretty much what's up here...most of it anyway. Anything I haven't gone into in this entry I am just SO not gonna deal with right now. Ima just throw those issues in my pocket and pull them out later like a forgotten $20 in your winter coat pocket. Except not nearly as much fun. Until then I am just gonna be really grateful for the people who love me and are taking care of me and checking in on me. I love y'all an awful lot and then some. I hope you know it.

Alright, I'm off to watch Grease 2 with the Princess. I am such the C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.

Cuz he's a HOUND DOG!

2005-08-29T17:12:00.000-04:00

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted something about getting another dog? Well, it looks as though that might be a reality soon. My sister's friend called yesterday to say that the other girl who is interested in him is still unsure whether or not she can do it and Beagle Mama wants to make sure she has a good and reliable home waiting for him. She told the other girl that there is another couple interested in him who already has two beagles (that'd be us) so she was going to see how that worked out. She's bringing Copper over tonight to see how he does with Gus and Ruby and we're gonna go from there.

She'll be here at 7 so we can all meet. She told me how hard it will be for her to leave him but she knows she has to and wants to make sure he has the best forever home possible. I told her that I have no problem working out a great custody agreement so whenever she makes it back to the states she can pick him up and play with him to her heart's content. I know it would kill me to have to leave either Gus or Ruby so I'll do anything I can to make it as simple and painless as I can.

I have the puppy beds out and ready for napping and the toys evenly distributed around the house and special treats for all three dogs tonight. The puppies' couch is ready for action. the perimeter is secure so Copper can wander at his leisure. I've done everything in my power to make this go smoothly. It's all up to the beagles now, although since the breed is very sweet natured to begin with I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

Wish us luck.

Things I can be happy about right now.

2005-08-23T11:46:00.000-04:00

Although the current and former inhabitants of the Gaza Strip have had a more satisfying home life than M and I recently, I have found a few happies here and there. I should. I've been looking damn hard for them. I am trying to blog today and am in no mood to rehash the stupid things that the crazy people in this house have said or done in the last few hours so it just might be time for a list.

I take solace in:

* Tivo. Remind me again why I waited so long to purchase this lil gadget? All this time I could have been Tivo-ing things like Mythbusters and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and whatever movies that are playing on any number of movie channels that I haven't gotten around to watching because I'm too busy trying to work my schedule around The Surreal Life and Desperate Housewives. Now I can get up in the morning and watch the most recent episode of Weeds while I have my coffee. I also no longer have to rack my brain to remember what nights and times Big Brother is playing and can watch each episode at my leisure and replay Janelle saying "Suck it, Bitches" over and over ad nauseum. Teehee!

* Whole Foods. Most especially, the bakery at Whole Foods. Since the passing of his father M and I have been trying to eat more organically and slightly healthier. Now don't go expecting us to waste away or anything. There is such a thing as organic buttter, after all. But I spend a good 30% of my grocery budget on bakery items now. Sure, milk and eggs and meat and toilet paper are important. Just not as important as pain au chocolat (chocolate croissants) and Tuscan bread and tiramisu and lemon charlotte royal and cream cheese brownies and cakes with ganache I don't have to make. And don't even get me started on their cheese department. Any store that doesn't just have a cheese section or aisle, but a Cheese Department is gonna get my grocery dollar.

* I finally found a local coffee roasting company that will tide me over till Number 3 TX gets hers up and running. Plus, the new coffeemaker we bought has a timer so I can have a cup waiting for me when I wake up in the morning. That is happiness in a mug.

I realize it is a short list, however there is one item on it that makes up for a whole lot of stupidness hovering over my head as of late.

Are you ready for it?

You might want to prepare yourself.

* Kate Spade now makes iPod cases.

Dear Santa,

I have been a REALLY good girl this year.

love,
Lola

Don't ask...

2005-08-20T12:09:00.000-04:00

I have been on tour with Ye Olde Goat Rodeo for a while now and it is most definitely affecting my blogging. Mostly because I have been trying, for the sanity of my dearest husband, to subscribe to the "If you don't have anything nice to say..." school of thought. The hits just keep on coming. However, if I don't get some of it out it is going to become toxic, so here it goes.

Grandmonster is not doing well. She hasn't eaten solid food in three months. You heard me correctly. Three months of Ensure and Jello. And that's on a good day. She can't walk without assistance anymore and she is so thin that her skin tears and bruises just from the pressure of her body weight (now 30 pounds lighter) on the pillow. More alarmingly, dementia has set in. She passed me in the hallway last night on her way back from the bathroom (supported by my MIL) and she didn't know who I was so she turned her back to me and faced the wall and wouldn't turn around or continue back towards her bed until I went downstairs and out of her eyesight.

The MIL is not being very helpful and is sticking to her lifelong plan of never telling the truth, ever. It was a full four days of M hounding her because it was obvious she was hiding something before we finally found out what that something was. Grandmonster goes in for exploratory surgery on the 31st. The MIL thought it would be best if she didn't tell M anything since his dad just died and all and still doesn't understand why that was the worst possible thing she could do. M is just fed up with all the lies that have kept him from being able to affectively deal with the shitstorms that occasionally...okay, regularly hit our lives. That is precisely what put him in and is keeping him in the depression he is going through now.

I am currently really proud of him because he talked with a grief couselor at his work who recommended that he get into some longer term counseling as the three sessions she was authorized to provide were not gonna cut it. He had me call my therapist and see if she or one of her partners would see him too. Unfortunately, I was a patient of hers before the insurance change and she is no longer in our network so she can't add him on as a client without us having to pay out of pocket. She did give us a list of recommendations that are in our network so we are moving on that right now.

Until M is doing better he is off work for medical leave. Although I am glad of that since I can take care of him better when he is right here, it doesn't leave me a whole lot of time for computer stuff. The cut in pay is gonna sting a little too, but we have a little savings that should tide us over till M is back on track. All I want is for him to be okay. (that and for the MIL to move out of this house, but whatever.)

Let's see, what else is happening? Well, my computer went poof and we had to get it fixed but it's running fine now and we got a couple of new games for it that have been very distracting. M is determined to beat me at the Scrabble type game (Word Symphony, live it, know it, love it, never get a thing done around the house again.). Yeah, good luck to him. Mo is not feeling her best again so M and I have been over there helping her and keeping her company. She decided she wanted a DVD player out of the blue so we hooked one up for her yesterday and took over some Mo-friendly movies. She's thrilled and much less bored. I told her "Welcome to the 20th century. Sooner or later we'll catch you up to the 21st."

It looks like we might be getting that other dog M has been talking about for a year now. A friend of my sister's is going out of the country for a year and needs a home for her beagle, Copper. (how much do you love that name? 'cause he's a HOUND DOG! Arrrooorooroo!) We are still discussing the fine points (like is this really a good time for a new dog, and are we getting him for life or just for a year, etc.) but I'll let you know as soon as we decide.

Okay, M finally woke up so I'm out. No promises to blog again soon till I know everyone here is safe ans sound, but I will promise to try.

2005-08-09T11:09:00.000-04:00

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris.

The art, the fashion, the wine, the men!

Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...

You'll love living in the most chic place on earth

What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-)

Dur. I wish I were there right now. Where's my damn passport?

regret

2005-08-02T16:07:00.000-04:00

"Thirty two years of guesses and they were all wrong."

That was the sentence that broke my heart. M's father died yesterday morning. He got ready for work and his buddy picked him up. He mentioned that he wasn’t feeling quite right but he was going to go anyway. When they got to the carpet warehouse where they worked they began to load the truck. He collapsed. By the time the EMS got there he was too far gone to revive. He had a massive heart attack, no warning at all. He would have been 52 years old on December 31st of this year.

He and M's mom were married very young. They were 17 and 18 years old respectively. Needless to say things didn’t work out and he left when M was only a year and a half old. Twenty five years later, when he was working as a cable installer, he found himself on a routine call that turned out to be M's apartment. It took him the entire time he was working there to get the courage to tell the M who he was. At that time M was more than bitter and had not had any contact with him at all. M decided to test this father of his so when he was asked if there was anything he needed he said he needed some money, to the tune of $500. He wanted to see if his father would pony up the cash or disappear like he did last time. M didn’t hear from him again.

About two years ago I was doing some genealogy research on my side of the family and M asked on a whim if I could track down his father. I asked a friend who was good at these things to try and within a half hour we had his address and phone number. M wanted to reconnect but was too proud, too hurt to make the call. The piece of paper with the information is still in my desk drawer.

Today, after finding out through the obituary, I called the funeral home where the service will be held. I told them I was M's wife and that he wanted to get in contact with the remaining family (three aunts and several cousins) and asked if I could leave our number for them to call if they check in anytime soon. That is when I found out that they have been trying to reach him since it happened and that their first thoughts were of M. They left four separate numbers with the funeral home to give in case M called there. I also found out then that his father’s eldest sister, upon receiving the news of her brother's death, had a spell and had to be taken to the hospital where she had a mild heart attack.

We’ve been making calls and M has talked to everyone but the eldest sister, whom we will go visit at the hospital this evening. It turns out that he was always on their minds. When M asked for the $500 so many years ago his dad went directly to his sister's house. He told her about what happened. He was crying because he didn’t have the money. He never called back out of embarrassment, not out of lack of love. He was terrified that M hated him and still resented him for leaving. According to M's cousin, who he will meet for the first time this evening, he was talking about M less than three weeks ago and expressing regret at never calling him back.

On this end, M is going through some really tough things. All he had to go on was guesses to try to understand why things turned out this way. Why his dad never called back. Why he had never tried to find him. All the time both were yearning for a relationship, one of a young man wanting to know his father, one of an older man yearning to know his only child. All they had was guesses. Now all that is left is regrets.

I’ve talked to a few of his aunts today and both were thrilled to know M was happily married. They were relieved that we didn’t have children yet because M's father has wondered for so many years whether or not he had grandchildren. They are so happy we are trying to have kids now and have been assured that there would be no more regrets when it comes to keeping in contact with that side of the family. Our family has grown by the dozens this week and the love has grown exponentially. M grieves not only for a father, but for lost time and lost love, but we are celebrating the blessing we have received in the last several hours.

If there is someone you care about that you have a broken or lost relationship with, even if you think that it is long gone, do me a favor. Make a phone call. Send a card. Make contact. Find out if all is lost and if you think you might someday want to rekindle things do it today. Don't wait for this to happen to you. Don't let pride or hurt feelings get in the way of love, because that’s all that’s really worth anything in the end.

in memory of Eddie Snider December 31st, 1953- August 1st, 2005

Pure D crazy

2005-08-01T10:33:00.000-04:00

That's what they are. Each and every one of their names are pronounced cray-zee-lay-dee, even the boy type ones. I'd get into it here but I learned something from the experience of someone in my family and I will not put names or identifiable characteristics on here in case of the longshot that one of them will figure out how to use this here new fangled internet and wander into my blog and make any number of threats. Since I can't put names and they don't deserve to have their names witheld to protect the guilty and criminally stupid I'll just move on to a new subject. Besides, I have been implementing any number of evil and vengeful plans so at least I'm entertained. (not naming names wasn't the only thing I learned. G-Diddy, you'd be so proud!)

So...in other news, congrats to the new parents! Heather and Chris welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world this weekend!!! I can't wait to meet Patrick Christopher live and in person! Welcome to the world sweet boy!

Topic #3 o' the day. The arrival of my Shindigs catalogue has given me today's moment of zen.

Ann, don't let your hubby see this particular entry. I'm just saying. I mean, I am all for the funny that comes along with putting clothes on dogs but this? This is just mean.

And finally, a BIG thank you to Allie for once again finding me in the tree and showing up with a ladder. I'd still be mop up-able right now if it weren't for you. I heart you.

***pseudo non-update***
If you happen to be of the bored persuasion you might like to try flinging a random female figure around in a room of bubbles. Don't know what I'm talking about? Go here. Amazing what you can find on the internet.

It looks like I'm slacking...but I'm not

2005-07-26T17:44:00.000-04:00

I am a bad blogger. I've been averaging one a week. Thank goodness M finally got his new computer! He spent a few hours on mine last night taking all his stuff off and freeing up countless bytes of space for me and only me. *mmwaaaahhahaha* It's MINE! ALL MINE!!! No more hearing the words "Hey, can I use your computer for a little while?" then having him bogart it for hours and hours. Now I will probably never see him again other than in passing on the way to the bathroom but that's pretty much okay with me for right now. At least this means I can play Sims 2 as long as I want and actually have enough space on the computer so it doesn't take a million years to load every time the Sims sun goes down or comes up. That bugged me.

So, I haven't been on the computer much lately. I guess y'all realize this is due to the whole kitchen remodel thing. I've been knee deep in spackle and wood paste and Kilz and stuff. Cabinet resurfacing is not the most fun thing in a while, so you know. I realized last night that when I said I wanted to remodel my kitchen what I meant was I wanted to design a new kitchen and remove all the crap that wasn't mine from the kitchen and shop for all the new stuff I did want and pick colors and all, but I wanted someone else to do the actual remodeling thing. And I wanted another working kitchen to use while the old one was being prettied up. Having a working kitchen is one of those things you take for granted...until you don't have one.

But the new range and over-the-range microwave will be delivered on Friday and installed on Saturday. Ima have to figure out how to remove the cabinets that are currently living where the microwave will soon be living before then I guess. I should also sell the Pay Per View rights to video tape me using the power tools needed to remove the offending cabinets because we all know that's the kinda funny that wins you $10,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos. Especially if I drop something on M's nether regions while attempting to pry the facing off the cabinetry. I have wonderful aim. Just ask the devilboss. I nailed her upside the head with a cigarette butt this weekend. I still maintain that there was a rogue updraft that was the true culprit. Hey, at least it wasn't a lit cigarette!

In my Grand Plan, which is turning out to be much more of a Caper, of the kitchen remodel the true hero has been Supermom. My own personal mama has helped me every step of the way and insists on doing the heavy lifting even though she knows I can probably lift all that stuff too. She's made the Caper much less of a Fiasco than it would have been without her and made HUGE progress when I couldn't. I am SO getting her a puppy and housetraining it for her. Of course this will be after I replace all the stuff she broke. Guess where I get my clumsy streak? S'ok though. I installed the ice maker myself so fixing it won't be a problem and they let us exchange that counter top with minimal effort. The old milk bottle is history though. Cha. As if I was gonna keep it anyway. Less clutter is the theme I'm going for so as long as I make sure the stuff that gets broken a) does not belong to me and b) isn't something Ima need anyway I think we'll come out of this ahead.

Okay, I'm done. Happy Birfday to M'ary, my darlingest dear. Welcome home Christel and lay off the situps long enough for me to hug you then do some situps in my honor. Peace out.

I'm wild about Harry...and Harry's wild about deleted

2005-07-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

I can't say what Harry's wild about till the Harry-o-philes in my life have finished the book. Because spouting off theories about why the things that happened in Book 6 happened before the people in my life have finished reading the book is the quickest way to get Lola maimed beyond recognition. It goes without saying that I have had one entire week of sitting on pins and needles waiting for SOMEONE to finish it so I can say it out loud. If you are done with the book you know what I need to say outloud and that the only way I'll be able to deal with it is to discuss it (at length and ad nauseum) with another person. But no, I read too fast. I always have. Now I just have to wait. They haven't even finished putting the major stuff in the recap on The Harry Potter Lexicon yet. It's a good thing this has been an obscenely busy week. I've barely had time to deal with anything.

Yesterday I spent with Mo. I had to bake a gabillion cookies for a benefit and while I was there I got a few things done around Mo's house as well as running her to and from the mechanic's so she could get the oil changed in her car. Yes, she is going on 84 years of age. Yes, she still has a valid driver's license. Yes, she still uses it. Be really glad you don't live here.

While I was off at Clyde Crashcup's School of Driving With The Elderly, M was at home spackling and priming the walls of the kitchen. I hate to spackle even more than I hate to vacuum so this was a HUGE weight off my shoulders. While I am off having fun today, M is going to finish sanding and priming the walls so I can paint them this week. I have a feeling he is seeing visions of homecooked meals in his future and knows the quicker it gets done the quicker he eats. Smart boy, that M. We've already purchased the new stove, over-the-range microwave, kitchen table and chairs, and Betsy. Betsy is my brand spanking new mixer. She is HUGE and I love her. They didn't have the big Kitchen Aid mixers in a whole lot of colors so I got one called Nickel Pearl. It's basically chrome with a pearlized finish. The better to not show floury fingerprints, my dear. I'm in love and I used her all day yesterday and if I can surmise her feelings from the wonderousness of the cookies that were baked yesterday, she loves me back. Ahhh, a relationship I can put my whole heart and soul into and get really fat in the process!

Okie dokie smokie, I'm off to the Puppy Pretty Parlor to get the beagles' mani pedis' then it is off to the benefit.

na na NA na. na na NA na. Hey HEY hey. Goodbye!

2005-07-18T16:22:00.000-04:00

FINALLY!!! I didn't think I was gonna make it. I love my husband and adore spending time with him...but DAMN! At looooong last, M has left the building. For the last 17 days he has been in my house and using my computer and touching all my stuff and in general making a pest out of himself. Now he is back at work and I am back to an empty house. Well, almost empty. Grandmonster is at her monthly doctor's appointment but BIL#1 is now on vacation. Fortunately, I rarely see him since he spends all his time either sleeping or watching TV or playing Playstation, none of which require him to leave his room. I do have news for him though. As soon as the check clears I'm buying schloads of paint and guess who is gonna help me paint? He will if he wants to keep living here.

Let's see, what else has been going on since my unceremonious departure from the blog? Ummm, I discovered that the color of the walls of the kitchen, underneath the fugly wallpaper, is possibly the most revolting shade of mint green known to man. Daaaamn, and I love mint green. The last time I saw that particular shade of green was on the chairs in a hospital waiting room. It wasn't cute then either.

On the kitchen update front I went to Lowe's with The Mom last week with a clear idea of what I wanted and as expected left there with no clue whatsoever. I knew Mom wouldn't approve of the majority of the choices I'd made as far as floor tile and colors and such and I knew she'd talk me out of them. I put up a really good fight though. The most annoying thing about Mom is that she usually disagrees with me and she is usually right. So now I am back to square one...or square three at least. She did, in fact love the border tile I picked out as well as my choice for the light fixture in the dining room. So that's cool.

Grandmonster is still sick and still hasn't called her family doctor. She has re-interpreted her oncologist's directions to suit her whims (she doesn't want to see another doctor because apparently no human on the planet should be forced to see more than one doctor at a time). He told her last month to call her family doc. She decided he meant to call them if she actually died of her symptoms instead of just living a miserable existence and taking the rest of us with her. She also decided when he told her that if the over the counter stuff she was taking gave her a fever to stop taking it meant that if the over the counter stuff didn't work at all she should stop taking it and then whine about how sick she still was.

Yup, I'm over that. I told her this morning before she left to tell her oncologist that she has not gotten any better and it has been like this for about 2 months now. She is to come home with a full report and if he tells her again to make an appointment with her family doc she is to do it by noon tomorrow or I will do it for her and drive her there myself to hear what all that one has to say.

She said she didn't want to bother anyone. I told her she is bothering me and if she kicks the proverbial bucket any time soon we all know that I will be the one doing all the paperwork for funeral arrangements and such and that will just serve to piss me off and that lends itself to her being buried in a cardboard box under the new patio without a word to any relatives of her untimely (because she'd have more time if she'd just CALLED THE DOCTOR ALREADY) demise. Plus I'd make sure each and every TG and Dale Sr. trinket found a happy new home in the city dump. Here's hoping that works. Here's also hoping that she knows I am only half kidding. And I get to decide which half.

My next step is to tell TG on her.

Okay, M is home from work now. This means that I am, once again, off like a prom dress. I'll try to dig my way out of the kitchen rubble long enough to post more often.

I am firmly ensconced in my 30's

2005-07-09T13:33:00.000-04:00

And what is my first act as a 30 year old? Refinancing this house, that's what. That has been the main goal of this past week and it is well accomplished. We're getting a damn good sized cash out and when we were deciding whether we were gonna put that back into the mortgage or do something else with it we saw it was a no brainer. So here I am with a mortgage (we have it down to one now and since as of Tuesday ALL of our credit cards will be paid in full we just might be eking out a better existence than previously predicted) like a real grown up lady and a decent check that will be handed to me in mere days. What are we gonna do with it? WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!!!

No, not really. But it is almost as good. Since it was decided that we were not going to put the cash out back into the mortgage, we decided to put it back into the house. The point being that we'd really like this house to still be standing by the time we finally pay it off. So in addition to getting the new gutters and putting vinyl siding on the front of the house so we don't have to paint I am finally getting my very first, designed by me from the ground up, with no pictures of anything I don't want to see, with brand new everything, Grown Up Sadie Sadie Married Lady Kitchen. Yes, I'm naming it Sadie. Yes, I am buying one of those framed nameplates that you add the letters yourself (Yea for Hobby Lobby)that boldly says "Sadie" and hanging it over the pantry. Because I can. And because T.G. doesn't live there anymore.

We've got all the numbers crunched and it's looking pretty good for the kid. M and I took off on a reconnaissance mission yesterday to Lowe's and came home with 4 pages of prices of stuff we're gonna need. Looks like I just might be getting a new Kitchen Aid mixer! I am narrowing down the list of colors I might end up with. So far it is between cobalt, lemon yellow, and lime green. Yes, I know the lime green will not match the kitchen. Yes, I also know that I run the risk of Jennysue coming over and kidnapping my mixer. This is why it is last on the list. Of course, it is the color I want the most which is why it is still on the list. And don't get me started on the glories of my new linoleum or stove. Add that to the joys of new cabinet doors and hardware and the new 9.5" depth offset stainless steel sink and you've got one happy homeowner.

So, if I am slack on the blogging in the near future it will be because I am wrapped up in power tools and sanding 50 years of grime and ugly wallpaper off the walls of the new digs. Now someone help me pick out my new kitchen table and island.

The birthday season approaches...

2005-06-27T13:03:00.000-04:00

This is not spell checked or any other thing checked. I haven't the time. Yet, here it is anyway...

As you can see from my delightful ticker above, my birthday is a mere 6 days away. That is 6 days left of my twenties. If I had a second to think about that it might be harrowing, but I don't, so it isn't. The twenties were pretty good to me. Yeah, a lot of them sucked eggs, but I sure learned a lot. I especially learned that I rarely had car accidents, but when I did I made them count. However, I never got hurt. So that's something. I also learned that I am a dog person. I had a cat when I was in elementary school who hated everyone but me (I loved that cat a lot) then didn't get another pet, a dog (sort of) till I was 12, and that time I got one that barely qualified as an actual animal (the most Sammie ever weighed was 9 pounds. She made Tinkerbell look obese, and well dressed. Remind me to tell you of the year I bought her an argyle sweater and a New Orleans Saints sweatshirt.) made it obvious a real dog, Gus, was the way to go for me. Now I have 2 real dogs and M will not shut up about getting another.

I also learned that I hatehatehate living in an ugly house. Hence the remodel. I got into it with the Grandmonster today about the kitchen. She has agreed (all on her own, without me prodding and going out to find bamboo shoots) that only a few of the current TG collection pictures will go back in the kitchen. This occurred after I told her that if I was gonna spend eleventeen hours spackling the holes in the walls she's gonna have to find another way to display things rather than nailing them to the wall. I think she knows that this doesn't mean she can nail them to the furniture, but Ima hide the hammer just in case.

Grandmonster and I packed up all of her wedding china into waterproof containers a few weeks ago so she could give it to her daughter, The Flake. Now The Flake is the type of person who steps up anytime we say we are getting rid of something and says to not throw it away because she wants it. Then it sits in our house till I have to rent $2000 worth of dumpsters to get rid of it. So when we packed up the dishes I told Grandmonster AND The Flake that these would stay in our house no longer than a week. Yup, they are still here. They now reside under Grandmonster's living room table.

I told her today that The Flake needs to pick them up in the next 2 days since we would be needing the space to store things while my mother and I redo the kitchen. She balked at the idea that we'd need the space under the table. Um...where exactly do you think we will be putting OUR dishes while we repaint and refinish the cabinets? We're gonna need all the space we have. Hence why M and I have spent the last 2 weeks emptying out the dining room, our family room, M's office, and our bedroom. We also have to get all of the crap out of the buffet and sideboard and that stupid shelf thingy that is hiding behind the kitchen table in such a way so that no one can sit on that side. These have to be emptied because I can't move them when they are full.

She looked confused for a second and then asked why we needed to move the furniture. Because I am not planning on painting AROUND the furniture so there are clean white walls everywhere except where ugly furniture is. Plus, I'm betting no one wants to hold the buffet up in the air while I put down new linoleum and keep it elevated while the glue dries.

"We're getting new linoleum?" sayeth she.

"No, I just brought those samples home for you to pick and choose from because I thought it might be just the thing to break up your day." sayeth I.

I told her that everything needed to be moved by this weekend (not DURING this weekend, but BY this weekend. meaning by Friday evening.) because M and I were busy all weekend and the remodel starts pretty quick after that. So if there is stuff you want it has to find a home outside of the kitchen by then and if there is stuff The Flake wants it has to go to her home by then. M will drive it there himself.

Our tete `a tete went on for another few minutes but it got really boring and silly by then. Final result? She's moving ALL her stuff out of MY kitchen. BONUS!!! I might be getting the hang of this in-laws thing. Bad for blogging but good for me!

So back to my original point. I think I had one. Oh yeah, tis birthday season. M's is tomorrow. The Flake's is Wednesday. Mine is Sunday. I am back on full time Mo duty (and at least one of you know why I don't mind that) because she is sick all over again. She was getting better, now getting worse. I'm just looking for a happy medium. However, I did do something just for me this weekend. I went to see Bewitched and sprung for the Director's Hall cushy seats with the footrest. Worth the extra 2 dollars and then some. So, I am partially recharged and ready to run again.

That's it for today. I know it was rambly and pointless and all over the place, but just be happy I blogged at all. Now someone help me find my bra so I can go out into the world and fetch ginger ale. I seem to have misplaced it again. Gayan!!! I think Amanda took a hostage.

Oh, and a HOWDY to my own personal mama and her darling friends who stop by here occasionally to read the goings on in DGN's daughter's life. I'm honored to be a part of your free internet time. Feel free to comment at will.

Storytime with Lola

2005-06-24T09:27:00.000-04:00

Everyone get settled,bring your cookies and juice and sit attentively in the circle because Lola's gonna take you to the way back. This is a story of a young girl with her very first serious boyfriend. We'll call him The Puppeteer, because that's what he was. He was a whole lot more than that, like a cheater, incredibly charming, and really really good looking. He was also a member of the elite "not so bright". Be careful not to get crumbs on the rug and I will give you a little exposition.

TP was about a year and a half older than me. We met at my after school job in the arcade at a local mall. Later we both switched to a new job at the local movie theater where we spent the majority of our free time watching free movies and trying to get out of having to wear the goofy ass uniforms. I succeeded, he did not. I met him when I was still in high school but never changed my plans to go to an out of town college so about a semester after I left town (running up ridiculously high phone bills) he transferred up to my school and we lived in the same dorm for a few years. TP had a slight (and by slight I mean insane and unfounded) dislike for one of my best college friends, A, and was harboring a LARGE jealous streak of any boy that happened to walk across my path. Isn't it strange how people who are REALLY jealous are that way because they know what they themselves are doing while out of eyeshot of their significant other? Yup, him too.

This story begins near the end of a semester. I have made plans to study for a huge art history final with my friend, A, at her apartment across town. In order to do this without hearing a bunch of crap from TP I had to jump through hoops that entailed me making him dinner in my room before I go and letting him eat the dinner in my room since his didn't have HBO. So I make the dinner and then call downstairs to his room to tell him to come upstairs so I can leave. Right as his phone is ringing for the 4th time he shows up at my door. He sees me on the phone and asks who I'm talking to. I say, "Your answering machine." He says, "Oh...(volume increases) HI TP!!!". So I sit him down and give him the plate containing his food and leave him happily watching a crappy movie on pay cable.

I spend a greuling few hours at A's apartment studying for the final, then make my apologies to my friends and leave by 11:30 because I promised TP I'd be home by midnight. When I get home at 11:57 I call his room (because I know he's done with dinner because of all the dirty dishes he left and the crumbs on my bed) to let him know I am home and safe. Wait, no answer, answering machine.

me: hey, I'm home. I guess you're in the bathroom or somewhere. Call me back.

Cut to an hour later. Still no call back and he has the keys that are going to get me to my final tomorrow so I need to get those so I can pass this class. I call again...

me: Hey, are you even home or are you just not checking your messages? Call me, I need the keys.

I do this over and over again every half hour for a while then decide to risk the wrath of the Resident Advisers (snort) and go down to the boys' floor anyway and knock and see if I can wake his ass up to get the keys. Nope, he's not there. His neighbor said he left about 10 and hasn't seen him since. Wha? Okay, now I'm getting worried. It is 3:15 in the morning on a Thursday. And this was before the wide usage of cell phones so getting hold of him would require me driving around town to find him and he has the keys.

He finally turns up a little after 4. Did he call me back? Nope. He finally answered my call on one of the thirty times I called his room. I asked where the hell he was and he couldn't give me a satisfactory answer. All he said was he didn't appreciate the message I left on his machine. Wha? Narrow that down, Skippy. I've left about 40 messages since midnight. I told him to meet me on the stairs where I would be prepared to defend my position (and I could be in arm's range to kick his ass).

So there we are, on the staircase between the girls' floor and the boys' floor (the young can always find a way around those pesky curfews), him with a grumpy face and me looking vastly confused. I asked once again which message he took offense to. He said,

"The one from A's house when some guy asked who you were talking to and then yelled ""Hi TP!!!"".

I gotta admit, it took me a second. Then it hit me in a fit of hysterics. It was a full minute before I could speak through the laughter and in that minute TP's head went from normal pissed off color to almost blue with anger. I had to stop laughing and tell him what was so funny before it exploded all over my favorite jammies.

"Dumbass!", sayeth I, "that was your own voice you heard on your answering machine." Then I ran him through how that message got on his phone in the first place. If you haven't figured it out, read the beginning of the story again.

So after he felt dumb and calmed down and apologized to me a few hundred times for being an idiot, and I forgave him (because his idiocy was not news to me) and patted his pretty head and moved on, I finally asked where he was the whole time he was out of the dorm being petulant. He said he went out for a couple of beers and I laughed again and gave him a hug and said I was off to bed since I needed to be up and ready to take the final in 3 hours. As I was pulling back from the hug I saw it....

Bright pink lipstick on his neck. Apparently he went out for a few beers and a few lapdances. The laughing stopped. The pissedoffedness began. I spoke not a word, but showed him the hand, and proceeded to lock myself in my room with plans to Scarlet O'Hara the issue till after the finals. (Scarlet O'Hara, as in "I'll think about this tomorrow".)

TP spent the night apologizing over and over to the outside of my door. I put my headphones on and proceeded to not listen. When his voice ran out he fell asleep on my threshold. When morning came and it was time for me to leave for class I simply stepped over him with instructions to my neighbor to tell him I left when he woke up. I passed my final.

What followed is simply a story of me being gullible and taking his ass back. That sucked for me, but y'all get the big payoff because this is not nearly the only story of its kind.

And that, Dear Readers, is one of many stories of The Puppeteer. Someday I will tell you of the Final Straw. Now throw your napkins away and wait in single file line for your parents to pick you up from Storytime With Lola. Until next time...

I had a realization this morning.

2005-06-22T09:15:00.000-04:00

That realization is that since I have been spending about 99% of my waking hours with the Ailing Elderly I have pretty much nothing to say. Not because I don't want to say anything, just that I have zero stories because my life is wake up, take meds, get dressed, get in car, go to Mo's, take care of Mo, clean various parts of Mo's house and/or person, feed Mo, run Mo's errands, feed her again, get her ready for bed, come home run Grandmonster's errands, ignore Grandmonster unless she is freaking out, field calls from The Flake to keep her from freaking out and coming over here, feed anyone who happens to be here, feed dogs, play with dogs briefly, go to sleep. That leaves little time for fun and frivolity and therefore the funny and the interesting has little time to take hold.

Soooooooo, I think it might be time (after much probing from those who know the stories) to tell y'all about another character in my life, The Puppeteer. Don't worry. This one is loooooong gone from my life (Praise The Lord and all God's people say Amen) but the stories live on. Ima take my Handy Dandy notebook to the pool and to Mo's with me today and begin recounting some of the highlights of my life with The Puppeteer and when I get a second I will transcribe them here.

Bait your breasts, everybody.

Short, sweet, and randomly all over the place.

2005-06-16T19:43:00.000-04:00

Kinda like me, huh? Just a quick howdy do to let all those praying for a certain something for a certain me that I'd take all the prayers you can give me. The "procedure" was today. The results are sometime later. Was that vague enough for ya? But please and thank you and I love you all.

Next order of business. It is amazing the things you run into on the web when you aren't specifically looking but they show up at the precise perfect time anyway. Here I am, a woman with Spina Bifida and all the fun and excitement that comes along with it, trying to quit smoking and get (and stay) pregnant all at the same time and look who I found! Amy is a woman with SB who has a beautiful daughter and a loving husband and an amazing storytelling ability. I've linked her on the sidebar twice. That's how happy I am to have found her! [sidenote to Christel: check out what the symbol is next to her url on her site. It's kismet, I'm tellin' ya!] I'm loving her and her site. On the off chance that someone gets here to my blog whilst searching for Spina Bifida info I want to make sure they see her too. Just knowing someone else is out there dealing with the same stuff that I deal with makes the world a little less lonely for me. I hope someday I can do the same for someone else.

And lastly, my computer was boycotting gmail for 4 whole days!!! I have since found a way around the block but now I'm catching up on 4 days of mail so if you are waiting for a response from me just be patient a second longer and I promise I'll get to you between naps and caring for the elderly. Despite the fact that my computer doesn't like it (it's like Mikey in the old Life commercials. it hates everything.) I do adore the gmail. I have invites left if anyone wants to get their own account.

Okie Dokie Non-Smokie. Ima crawl back into the comfy new comforter and bury myself under some old school Mraz. (Live @ Java Joe's, Mraz 101) Batteries set on re-charge. Lovin' you.

Today was the wrong day to try to quit smoking

2005-06-15T19:59:00.000-04:00

Ima start from scratch on Monday. I'm doing the "cutting back" technique to save myself from withdrawal and to save my family from accidental homicide. Fortunately, I have a board full of others quitting smoking for the same reasons to support me (or to take the side off of the house in the event I die and weigh 472 pounds. If that's the case, the Nummas know what they have to get out of the house before my own personal mama gets there.). We'll see how that goes. I was gonna start this past Monday but the stress took aholt of me and told me that iffin I didn't smoke a cigarette RIGHTFUCKINGNOW there was a good chance I'd become homicidal by noon.

Since I have been guilted by a Numma to write something, anything I'll delight you with yet another tale of my home life, otherwise known as Lola's Home for the Elderly and the Criminally Insane. This one is about my MIL, the flake.

Last Friday was the Grandmonster's birthday, either her 75th (again) or her 77th depending on if you ask her how old she is or if you look at her driver's license. So The Flake decided to have a surprise birthday party for the Grandmonster on her special day. Unfortunately, Grandmonster was right in the middle of an Attack of the Cancer and was not, at that time, receiving visitors. In fact, the Grandmonster specifically said that she would not be leaving her bed for any reason and didn't want to talk to anyone except me (the one who brings her nutrition and fluids and medicines and turns on her 39 stereos when the various CD's need to be started over). I told this to The Flake. I told her not to come over and to not have a party because Grandmonster didn't want one. She said okay, I was right, and she'd be right over.

Here is a list (because we love the list) of the reasons why this is not a good idea and/or why I feel the need to have her drawn and quartered at a public park.

1. The party was to be held at MY HOUSE. Because despite the fact that The Flake lives on 96 acres she refuses to have any function at her house.

2. She decided to have the party a week before but didn't actually inform us of this until Thursday night.

3. I was expected to clean house and stock the fridge and find a way to host the damn thing. I SO didn't. She wants to have a party here, she can clean the bathroom. I didn't actually want to interact with any of the mofos who were dumb enough to come over after I warned them not to. So I didn't.

4. Lola, not in a great place right now so trying to make conversation with me at any point would not be a good plan. So you know she showed up right on time, and was dropped off here so she had no way to leave when I threatened her life.

5. Again, Grandmonster was NOT RECEIVING VISITORS and this included The Flake so she was left with no choice but to plant ass on my couch and ask what I was watching on TV and what did that guy just do and why did that girl run from him and why did that one guy hit that Mary girl in the head with a garden shovel. (I was watching Shaun of the Dead)

So there she is, The Flake, planted on my couch and getting a bit peckish. She decides that she's gonna save the KFC coupons for when Grandmonster is feeling better but she'll just have BIL#1 pick up a few pizzas on his way over, after he picks up his child and new girlfriend.

WHAT? I was under the impression that we decided to NOT have this party until Grandmonster once again gives a shit that it is her birthday (hoping and praying that that doesn't occur until next year).

Nope, The Flake still wanted to see everyone so she told BIL#1 to come on over because we'd just have a nice dinner together and then have the party next week. So now I am in the position to host two parties that I didn't want to have. (Fear not, I have since weaseled out of the Birthday party) So all sorts of fucked up people come over to our house and get no entertainment from me since I told her I wasn't having any party and I went to bed, leaving M with instructions to take her ass home as soon as possible and usher any errant B's IL out the door right before he does so.

I have no idea if that is what happened. I took my nigh nigh meds and went to bed with my own Attack of the Cancer.

So, that's my story. I just wanted to make sure that Christel has something fun to read the next time she stops by and to let folks know that I am not, in fact, dead in a ditch. I am just runnin' and runnin' and runnin' and going to the pool for a second and runnin' some more. I swear, the catching up will begin soon. I just need to take care of some bidness or run myself ragged till I take to the bed to do nothing but watch bad daytime TV and call everyone. Because I know there's some dirt I need to know about. That is all. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

Whew.

2005-06-10T11:49:00.000-04:00

Have you ever tried to walk through water? Not walk on water, but through it. Like playing Marco Polo and trying to run through waist deep water to get away from that splashing sound that you know means that "it" is right close to you and if you don't haul ass you're goona be "it". That is the metaphor of the week to explain my life. I'm just trying to keep up and it is taking monumental effort to do so. Everything is getting done, thanks to my amazing friends who have taken on some of my shit for the week to leave me a little breathing room. I'd go into the fabulosity of my friends once again, but I just don't have the words. I go though times where I am annoying, stressed, traumatized, and no longer remember or have time to be good to myself, much less to be a good friend, and still they love me and lend a helping hand/ear/boob. I am constantly amazed by the goodness I see in them. Ima do my best to live up to the love they continuously show me.

So since I have been wading though waist deep water for about 10 days, I don't have a helluvalot to blog about, but I know if I don't stay in the habit I will let myself give up the blogging thing. I enjoy doing it and I get a whole lot out of it, so I am not going to let go of this, one of the few things I do for me on a regular basis. Instead of another meme I'll just use my cop out from earlier in the week and post more pictures.

Lookit me getting a tattoo.

Lookit Allie's tattoo.

Lookit Allie being all hot and shit.

More to come as soon as I can get the rest of the picutres on Photobucket.

My life in song.

2005-06-07T11:12:00.000-04:00

Because I have no choice but to be a copycat.

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: it's an Al Green sorta day. I'll let the good Reverend speak for me. The things in parenthesis are part of the title of the song. Things in brackets are my words.

Describe yourself: Sha-la-la (Make Me Happy)

Are you male or female: Never Found a Girl [because I am one]

How do some people feel about you: Full of Fire

How do you feel about yourself: Here I Am (Come and Take Me)

Describe your ex lover: My Problem Is You

Describe your current lover: I'd Still Choose You

Describe where you want to be: Take Me To The River

Describe what you want to be: Simply Beautiful

Describe how you live: I Can't Stop

Describe how you love: Strong As Death, Sweet As Love

Share a few words of wisdom: [It's] Funny How Time Slips Away [so] Let's Stay Together [because of ] Love & Happiness [because] Look What You've Done For Me.

[And how much do we love that Belle calls me LaLa since the good Reverend has a song called La-La for You? I schooled that kid right from day one when it comes to Al Green. As if I'd have it any other way.]

A picture is worth a thousand words

2005-06-06T14:49:00.000-04:00

Since I am at a loss for time (therefore the words will have to wait) I figured I'd leave you with a thousand in pictures.

Guess who turned 1 year old this past week?

As it turns out, her actual first birthday was Auntie Lala day! I must say I loved each and every second of it. Plus, Auntie Lala and Uncle M were in attendance for her birthday party yesterday. A sweeter birthday girl has never been seen. Happy Birthday Missy B!

As soon as I figure out how to resize my images from my photo cd I'll show you some ink. Right now I'm helping to organize an Old Times Sake party for later on in the year. So...if you, or someone you know went to New Albany High School in the early 90's let me know. I'll putcha on the list. Make the trip home for Harvest Homecoming and see our old stomping grounds and help us reclaim our youth. If you are in this picture:

or this picture:

get in touch with me and I'll get Colleen to send you an evite. The party planning is starting this early so we can maximize our time to get as many people back together as possible and give any out of towners time to plan their own Harvest Homecoming. Just remember the doughnuts and gyros and apple dumplings. That'll be good incentive. Plus, you know you miss me.

Now I'm off to catch up on much needed housework. Someone come over here with a mop and bucket and help me.

Updates soon to follow.

2005-06-01T08:08:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, not that soon. There has been a family development that is going to cause me to be away from the computer for a while. I'm hoping it will be a very short while, but I have no promises. I will be away from home for a few days at the very least but I will have my cellphone with me in case I am needed.

Ya know what else I will have with me? My tattoo. Because I got it. SURE DID!!! I will also have my handy dandy notebook (it's like Blue's Clue's, but it's not) where I will be writing down a few entries to be posted as soon as I get back so that you too can enjoy the wondermousness that was our weekend. Let's just say that the first entry is titled, "I am fatter now than I was when I started this sentence." It will not even begin to cover the massive quantity of good food we consumed, but it might give you an idea of the amount of Fat Activities we perpetrated and the number of cows who gave their lives for us.

We will discuss my rock star hair and my new position of Barbie Doll Head of the Nummas at a later date, as well as the best beauty secret in the whole world. We will visit the Church of the Sacred Pink Thong, and answer the question "How many times can a small group of women go to Walgreen's in one short weekend?". But for now, I'm outta here. My ride will be here in 20 minutes. Call if you need me. Pray for me if you have a second.

ThanksIloveyouBye!

Wake me up before you go go!

2005-05-26T19:55:00.000-04:00

The bags have been packed. I have set my alarm. I've readied myself for the navigation responsibilities (despite the fact that I don't really need to navigate. Once Tasty and I get on the road the car sorta navigates itself towards Allieland.). I've got birthday goodies tucked safely away so no harm will come to them in transit. I have made sure that those we will see on the way to Hotlanna know we're coming (and they will be receiving more phone calls as we get closer to them so they can prepare to be hugged and kissed and loved to the fullest extent of Kentucky, Tennessee, and Georgia law.). It all comes down to this...

ONE WAKE UP AND WE'RE THERE!!!!!

I am so ready for this. It will be five days of chillin' like ice cream fillin'. Because we'll be Kool and the Gang if you'd rather hang. Hugs will be executed, making out will commence. We're reserving a table for 5 everywhere we go in honor of those Numbers who cannot make it. (although I will do much better if I pretend that our Rock Star is just stuck in Commerce again and Mary is in transit, on her way to us.)

See, The Numbers roll 5 deep. That's the whole meaning of the tattoo. Completion. Togetherness. Five separate women from 5 separate backgrounds in 5 different states with 5 different points of view coming together to form 1 amazing friendship. We are the real live equivalent of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...except the pants are a really cool tattoo.

Each one of these women have saved my life and the 4 of them together have brought me out of a hole the likes of which I had no hope of ever digging my way out. There are no words deep enough to explain what they mean to me. My expansive vocabulary does not support that many words. I learn from them every day. They have taught me strength, courage, hope, love, supportiveness, happiness, and the power of friendship. They have walked me through a really tough couple of years and held my hand and cheered me on as I find out who I am.

I hope every woman out there can have a friend like any one of these amazing women. The kind of women who will not only let you air out your own dirty laundry, and listen while you share your misery, but hold you and pat your hair and let you do the snot cry when there are no words left to soothe your pain. Their comfort comes in all forms. Whether it is a phone call at 3am on a Tuesday or a quick text message to say "I love you.", each time they reach out it makes a difference. Because I admire each one of them for the human beings and grown ass women they are, and the kind of woman I aspire to be.

Other than the tattooage and some glow-in-the-dark bowling, there are no solid plans for the trip. We'll do a bit of grocery shopping to stock up on supplies we need for our fat activities. We will probably watch a few movies. We'll meet some people who we've heard so many fantastic things about that it is kinda like meeting celebrities. We will eat anything that can't run away on its own. But most of all, we'll be together...even the ones that aren't there live and in person. They will be there. Because that's how we roll.

Five deep.

Please let this be the end of this issue.

2005-05-25T10:45:00.000-04:00

So, as I mentioned in the first of my 2 posts yesterday, I lost my music, gained my music, then realized I never found it in the first place. It's confusing, I know. Well, let's hope today's computer tinkering squashes this issue.

M got me a new hard drive. A big one. One that'll hold 4 times the amount of music that fits into my iPod. That sounds just about right. Plus, all his computer crap that is clogging up my old hard drive is gettin' the hell off my computer. This is what happens when you refuse to argue with him and instead just say, "I know what the problem is, I understand why it is happening. There is a solution. Help me find it or help me figure out how to pay for a new computer that you don't have access to." It is amazing how much more quickly his brain shifts into solution mode when he thinks he might have to use the slow computer while I sit happily in the other room, zipping my way through the internet.

So now I have to reload my iTunes software on the new hard drive and fill it back up with the files I have salvaged. (Go get Jason Mraz's new single, Wordplay, immediately. You can finish reading my blog later. Go now. And request it on your local radio station.) The software adding and reloading will take about 4 hours. Now I have no excuse for my avoidance of the housework. Dammit.

1 DAY AND A WAKE UP!!!!! CAN YOU STAND IT? Ima need someone to help me decide on a precise location for the tattoo. I have butterflies already. Someone is gonna be holding my hand, right?

Screwed, blued, and post number 2

2005-05-24T12:19:00.000-04:00

This time next week I will be screwed, blued, and tattooed. I've been working up the courage for...oh...about forever now to actually follow through with it. See, I have a horrible needle phobia. Add that to the fact that myownpersonal father will do the disappointed face when he finds out. (For those of you who know myownpersonal father, please don't tell him yet. I'll do it in my own time...and by that I mean I will drag it out as long as possible and finally tell him when he accidently catches a glimpse of it and I can't get away with it anymore.)

My mom knows already though, and she is coming to terms with it as we speak. I likened it to her getting her cartilage pierced with her best friend a few years ago and her desire to get her nose pierced (which my dad has also put the kabosh on until he retires so he doesn't have to show up to company functions with a pierced wife. This man was a hippy. Now he is a republican. Whatever.) and she finally understood why I'm getting inked.

I have feelings of excitement mixed with abject terror at the thought of getting it done. Hopefully, Hot Tattoo Boy will be there to ease my pain. (insert the sound of a cat purring here) That is one pretty man. But anyway....this is what will soon be a permanent addition to my epidermis.

Since I am already a mess of scars from various surgeries and clumsy accidents, I figure this will be the cutest of my permanent markings. If I ever get lost or stolen y'all can show them this image to help them identify me as I am out Patty Hearsting it up. (I dig berets) I'm thinking it will be in purple. Whaddaya think? About the size of a quarter.

The symbol means "completion". The reasons we chose it are many, and I'll go into it at a later time, but it means much to those of us getting it. It will be my first (and perhaps last) tattoo, but I still haven't ruled out a new piercing. That depends entirely on how convincing HTB is to get me to add a new silver, self mutilating appendage to my person. He's a very pretty man, after all.

Just 2 days and a wake up till we start our journey with breakfast with Jennysue! Psyche me up, oh tattooed ones. Ima need the extra fortification.

This is just getting silly.

2005-05-24T09:48:00.000-04:00

The music is gone again. Why, oh why? All those songs that I spent the past year loading on to my computer from the fuckillion cds in my own personal music library will not come back. Oh, I thought they were back. They sure looked back. They were an illusion. The file names came back to my iTunes library but the files were nowhere to be found. As soon as I went to play them they got this ominous exclamation point next to them and the computer said the file could not be found.

Well, fuck.

I located a good number of them hiding out in a random documents folder called "New Folder". I can only assume that in their world "New Folder" is similar to "John Doe". (M is so never touching my music files ever again.) When I copied the files to drop back into the correct location for iTunes to find them it got about halfway through with the copying and gave me a message close to this one.

"Guess what? You have no more room on your hard drive. I'll tell you what. You delete a song and I'll give you a song. Eye for an eye, mothafucka. Love, your computer"

I gave up. I'm just going to have to buy a new, bigger, better hard drive to hold all my music. Until I can go out and get one I am stuck with the music still safely tucked within my iPod to tide me over. Fortunately, that is a decent amount of music. Unfortunately, I downloaded Mraz's new song off iTunes yesterday and I cannot get it on my iPod without sacrificing everything else. Talk about Sophie's Choice! Whatever, I'm a survivor.

Speaking of Mr. A-Z. He's in town today for a radio station promo concert type thingy. I entered the contest and the Bastard People didn't draw my name so I am without tickets. This means I don't get to go. It is almost a full 2 years since he came anywhere remotely near me and I can't go. Ugh.

In honor of Mraz actually making it to Louisville once (in the hopes that he will make it here again in the fall, when I can buy tickets) I am dubbing today Jason Mraz Day in the Lola household. All Mraz, all the time. Starting with me watching the dvd concert and continuing with me toting around my iPod in my festive pink jacket whilst I clean the house and do laundry and otherwise prepare for my trip. It'll probably end with the dvd as well. Since I can't see him live I might as well see other people see him live.

Bear in mind, I will be skipping while I clean and prepare. I've had some unususal bursts of energy in the past few days. I wonder why? Oh yeah, Atlanta/Numbers/Tattoos in 2 days and a wake up!!!!

And the Music Goes Round and Round

2005-05-21T23:00:00.000-04:00

Guess who fixed the lack of music problem? Me, that's who. I found the hack that lets you reverse the flow of the music from iPod to iTunes instead of the other way around. Then I implemented it. Then it worked. I know it was not a difficult thing to do for most computer nerds, but me, the lipgloss nerd, now feels like a Super Genius!

It was all about the hidden files, folks. Apparently Apple, the fine makers of iPod products, feels it is too easy to steal music when the iPod can send music to a computer. I guess that is true in theory. However, when one has a dipshit husband who is under the delusion that he is , in fact, Bill Gates Jr. Jr. and tries to make the computer do things that it normally would not do and erases all of his doting wife's music file leaving her to cry and vomit repeatedly, it becomes necessary to use a hack or three to keep this doting wife (who still never came right out and said it was his fault even though he readily admits it was) from committing various acts of murder and treason.

The long and short of it? He still has all of his anatomy attached to his torso. He's lucky I can navigate my way around the internet, that's what.

I even got a prize for not saying "I told you so, you evil music killer!!!". I found the absolute cutest iPod (for lack of a better term) jacket at Target yesterday. It is metallic pink and looks like one of those wallets you put your I.D., cash, key, and Visa in when you go to the club (to avoid having to take a purse because you just know some fine gentleman will buy you drinks and sigh in contentment as you imbibe and dance till your shoes melt). It attaches to your belt loop or you can hang it from your delicate wrist and it even has a thingamabobbie to wrap your over long headphone cord so it doesn't get entangled in your bold yet classic jewelry choices. Now that is a fashion statement I can get behind..or under..or around..or wherever the loop thing lets me go. Whatever. I'm one happy monkey. Lookit me dance, y'all!

Behind the music...

2005-05-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

there is nothing. Due to an unfortunate error in judgment and an unfortunate computer fuck up, I am no longer the reigning Music Whore. M was trying to help, he really was, and I got sick of saying "That isn't going to work. Don't do it." and mistakenly said "FINE! Do it and shut up about it already!". He did it and it didn't work and now all my music is gone.

Gone. That is the name of an *NSYNC song that I used to have. Now, *NSYNC and all the other boys in my life are gone. *sigh* I miss you, JC. I miss The Mraz (although I am going to see him live and in person on Tuesday. Perhaps he will feel my pain and give his magic wand a wave and give me my music back...or at least come to my house for a few beers and to sing Unfold to me one more time. Shut up. I'm desperate here. Give me my fantasy back, dreamkiller.). I miss Aqualung and The Killers and Marc Broussard, and my perfect playlist of Miles Davis melting into John Coltrane melting into Chopin melting into Yo Yo Ma. Don't even get me started on the Good Reverand. I can't think about that now.

I especially miss the playlist of songs for Belle that I was working on for her first birthday party. I put a whole lot of work into it and it was finally ready to burn and play for her. She would have loved it. She still will love it because I am starting over from scratch. It might take me till her actual birthday to finish it, but it will get done and it will be fantastic!

I have the new Dave Matthes Band cd ready and waiting to be added onto the iPod, but until I get some of my more important music on the now empty iTunes I will content myself with listening to it on the impossibly bulky stereo that won't travel with me from room to room. I refuse to get my iPod (which is still full) anywhere near M or the computer for fear that the music I do still have safely tucked inside will bolt in terror and I will lose that too.

Schmuck. I look forward to the day that he understands that when it comes to computers in a musical capacity I know a lot more than him. What I know about it could fit in the Grand Fucking Canyon. (sly Kevin Smith/ Chasing Amy reference. If you haven't seen it yet, go rent it now.) If I say it isn't gonna work then it isn't gonna work...probably. However, it is as much my fault as his. I shoulda kept with my first answer of "NO!" and kept saying "NO!" until he went away and stopped bothering me. Like that would have ever happened. But I would love to be able to maintain that this was sabotage, a terrorist act against my music and my computer because he wants it for his own. 'Cept it wasn't.

That just blows.

I have to go get ready for a funeral now. Could today get any better? Please? Quick like a bunny? This calls for extra lipgloss and cute nail polish.

Is it ever too late?

2005-05-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

Warning: not a whole lot of the funny today.

As I said yesterday, there has been a death in my extended family. Yes, it is someone I have known my whole life. Yes, it is someone I knew well. No, my relationship with this person was no more than a secondary familial relationship. I was related to him "once removed" style. However, those who are my family who were directly related to him have been affected by his death in an upheaval sort of way and the loss has changed their lives entirely. That is why I mourn, for the broken hearts of those I love so well that it is breaking mine now too.

He was...let me put this in a nice way...a handful. He was spiteful and jealous and required those who have any sort of meaningful relationship with him bow to his every whim or incur his wrath...but he was the only one of his kind that they got. That saddens me. Not just for them, but because I see that in my own interfamilial relationship with someone in my immediate family, and that person is the only one of his kind that I have left. Maintaining that bond requires work and I have put very little into it. I knew a long time ago that if I wanted it I would have to be just what he told me to be and even then I would never be good enough. Conditional love is a bitch, ain't it?

Now I see what my loved ones are going through. It isn't just that they have lost their loved one, but that they still feel the guilt of how they were made to feel and how this let them diminish an important bond. They never got the chance to have the fairy tale relationship that is promised in movies and television and childrens' books. I don't have that either, but I used to. I have the memories of my fairy tale and it is still an important piece of my life. That relationship helps teach me, to this day, who I am and that I am worthy of love.

The question running through my mind since I got the news yesterday morning is "Is it too late?". I think it might be, but I don't want to endure the guilt in case it isn't. I'm also at a loss as to how to proceed in fixing things that have been broken for generations prior to my birth. How do you get to know someone who has made it clear your whole life that you aren't good enough? Someone who not only doesn't have any faith that you can be worthy of attention, but never thought you did in the first place? Has he closed off the possibility? Was there ever a possibility?

Sorry, I am a bit introspective and vague today. Bring on the dancing monkeys!

...after these commercial messages.

2005-05-17T10:12:00.000-04:00

I have a problem. It is a Sims problem. More specifically, it is an addiction to Sims 2 problem. It will load up on the computer just fine, however, it runs so slow that I have time to take a shower between actions. Ugh. I hate that. Not good for the addict. I finally just shut the damn thing down and moved on. Of course now I have the overwhelming desire to make a carrot cake. You'd think I gave up cigarettes. I'm gonna gain ten pounds from a computer problem!

On an even less happy note, a member of my extended family passed away this morning. I'm okay, it was a long time coming, but I am worried about a few family members that I adore. If you get a chance, send a prayer or three up for them.

I have a few things I need to get done and a few people I need to check on so I might be back on here later to update again.

Love (and other indoor sports),
Lola

I have a "new clothing" related injury.

2005-05-15T13:23:00.000-04:00

So I got tons of new clothes Friday. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to have them. It was a great day all around and involved not only shopping, but mexican food, and ice cream as well. We left the house and went directly to a great little Mexican restaurant to eat mass quantities of cheese and fried carbs to make sure to have enough feul to engergize us for the shopping marathon.

M was quite the trooper as I spent my way through every girlie clothing store in the tri county area and tried on everything they had in my size. I even bought a pair of pants...well, pedal pushers...okay, they were pedal pushers but since I'm a short girl they end up being capris on me. Either way, they are fabulous! They'd kinda have to be to get me in pants. I also got two new lace trimmed camisoles, a red tank top with a bandanna print, an A-line skirt with embroidery, a straight skirt with beading and emroidery, and a black polo dress with white collar and trim. (I may have a new pair of capris, but I am still a skirt girl) While I was out I had to pick up the blue tank top with a rhinestone martini glass on it for Jennysue. It might as well have her name on it.

So yesterday, armed with the new wardrobe, I got up and got all cute in the capris and bandanna tank top. No, I wasn't planning on leaving the house at all, I just felt the need to wear something other than jammies. I proceeded to spend my cuteness day lounging on the bed watching the America's Next Top Model marathon on VH-1 and talking on the phone. That's a damn good way to spend the day! I was so happy it didn't even phase me when Miss Jay on ANTM criticized the runway walk of one of the potential models by saying "Giiiiirrrlll, you walk like you have Spina Bifida on the left side of your body!". The only offense I took is because I have Spina Bifida and I can walk better than that model, but I think that has something to do with the fact that it must be hard for her to concentrate on her ambulatory status while being so damn hungry.

The day is nearly over now and it is time for me to get out of the cute clothes and into the cute jammies. It has apparently been too long since I have worn pants because I forgot how to take them off. In mid disrobing I caught one foot on the hem of the pants and tripped over the cord for the fan, caught my pinkie toe of the opposite foot on the bed frame and fell straight over onto my hip without anything (including my own arms) to break my fall. Now my toe is all swollen and my hip is black and blue and yellow, none of which match any of my new clothes. Only me...I swear.

If you need me, I'll be here, unable to move and with M waiting on me hand and swollen foot.

My second post o' the day.

2005-05-13T13:06:00.000-04:00

So if you missed the post about my sleep hangover feel free to click over and read that too...because I am a blogging whore and am convinced that everyone needs to know about me, my thoughts, my feelings, and the addition of bling to my world.

But that is all irrelevent. My husband, M, just said the three most loving and wonderful words in the English language to me a mere 45 seconds after he crawled out of the depths of a refreshing slumber. He said...

"Let's go shopping."

How can you beat that? I'll tell you how. He has decided that it is finally time to take me, and the money I had set aside for me, out into the world to get myself some new clothes. He said "I know you need summer clothes, and you always spend the money we set aside for you on stuff for the house or for me. I'm not going to let you do that this time. Today we are going out and getting you some new clothes and shoes and stuff, then we'll go out and get a bite to eat. You deserve it. I'm going to take a quick shower. Go get ready and figure out where you want to go to shop."

Of course I fell directly down in a faint, but while lying on the floor I had my arms raised in a victory symbol and squealed "I LOVE THAT!!!" Now I am upright and doing the booty dance in my chair and telling the world how much he rocks. I have to stop for the moment because I need to get ready. I shall return later to regale you with descriptions of all my new attire.

Oh, and guess who is now officially a Fraction? Annie-bananie, that's who. Go tell her how proud you are of her here .

*sigh* I have to go shopping now.

Have you ever had a Sleep Hangover?

2005-05-13T09:57:00.000-04:00

I am experiencing one right this second. I guess, what with all the home repair, dog searching, mix cd making, travel preparing, birthday celebrating, kid adoring stuff I've been up to lately, I didn't realize what a huge sleep defecit I had built up. I got home yesterday and puttered around the house for a full 15 minutes before I decided to crawl into bed and watch a movie. It's a good thing I'd seen The Toy when it came out in the mid eighties because hitting the "play" button is about the last thing I remember. I fell asleep around 5pm and other than a quick trip to the bathroom about 4:30am I didn't resurface until around 8 this morning!

That is 15 straight hours of slumber. Other than a severe bout of unconsciousness during a particularly horrid hospital stay when I was 12, I don't think I have ever had 15 straight hours of sleep! Now I have a sleep hangover. I'm all wonky and drunk, my eyes are focussing about 92% of the time and the remaining 8% (at least we know I can still do simple math) I'm Zoned Girl. All this before the meds are taken.

I hope I regain the rest of my mental faculties before I have to do a ladder climb to reassemble the last of the light fixtures for the week. Yes, I realize I was supposed to do it earlier this week but other new and irritating issues cut in line. For example, our car. I say "our" because we only have one and I paid for half of it. Other than taking me from point A to point B on a semi regular basis I don't have much use of it. It does take M to work and to the bank, thereby adding the comfort of a very little money to my pocket, so it is kind of essential.

Since M is the biggest procrastinater on the face of the planet, I had to not just push the issue of "FIX THE DAMN THING ALREADY!" but punch it as well. He got in a wreck in December. Do you think he got it fixed? No. So when it began with the trouble starting a few months back and I said "take it to BIL's work and have him check it out." do you think he got right on that, especially since it would be free? Nope. So when the car started leaking stuff and I told him to make it stop because it was getting nastiness all over the driveway do you think he did something about it? Yes, he started parking the car in the street. Now it is broken.

Well, yesterday it was broken. Now it just semi unwell. I called M's friend to pick him up for work and told BIL to take M's car to his shop and check it out. It was a cracked something or other (I was tired at the time and retained very little of the info. I'll find out today what happened.) and BIL fixed it. So... now the car runs, but for how long? Who knows. Ima Scarlette O'Hara this one and think about it tomorrow. Of course I really mean tomorrow, unlike M who means "hopefully never or until it breaks completely".

Now on to bigger and girlier things. Have y'all seen this? It is a kit to bling out anything you deem blingable in swaraovski crystals! I am so getting some kits right away! I need to bling the iPod and my new phone (when I get one. It is all in the hands of my MIL, who taught M how to procrastinate.) and the remote control and a few pieces of furniture and a dog or two and whatever else hasn't nailed itself down after seeing me bling everything else. This makes me happy.

Another thing that makes me happy is my new nail polish. It is irredescent teal and is such phenomenal amounts of fabulous that it inspired M to not only notice but comment favorably upon it with no prompting on my part. WOW! Now, that is a nail polish! It is rather adorable and only cost $1.99. That's a small price to pay to spend a day shooting occasional glances at the toesies and smiling. I'm a dork, remember? I am allowed to feel happy because of a nail polish.

Plus, I am genuinely happy anyway lately. Is this what happens to genuinely happy people? Do they see all kinds of teeny happies throughout the day and since the rest of their world isn't doom and gloom they really notice these things and get extra happy? Or am I just a dork who has inhaled a few too many acetone fumes? Either way, I'll take it.

Okay, enough with the rambling. Ima take my meds and get this electrical wiring ball rolling. No need to alert the local physicians, I'm actually pretty good at this stuff.

How many pairs of flip flops does one girl need?

2005-05-11T12:55:00.000-04:00

Lots, that's how many. I have been on a flip flop buying frenzy lately. This month alone I have added these colors to my shoe wardrobe:

blue
lime green
pink
red
and 3 pairs of black.

Is that too much? I'll answer my own question. No, it is not too much. When Target is selling them for amounts between $2 and $7 it just pays to have a few more. You never know when you'll be called upon to come forth with the lime green beaded flip flops that go perfectly with your new electric blue nail polish, or the pink heeled flip flops that are the precise color of the new pearly pink nail polish. Hell, the shoes cost less than the polish! Plus, I'm sporting particularly adorable feet currently. They are well exfoliated and moisturized so I might as well show them off!

Don't even get me started on my addiction to Mary Janes. No, not Mary Jane of the "puff, puff, give" variety, I'm talking the shoes with the cute little strap ala Alice In Wonderland. I wore Mary Janes exclusively in college. I had 14 pairs in 13 different colors and fabrics (one must always have at least 2 pairs in simple black) ranging from hot pink canvas to cranberry satin chinese print fabric to emerald green velvet (for the holiday season...or a chilly Thursday, whatever). They are comfy, inexpensive, and offer a variety of styles. I am sending a personal thank you to the fashion gods for bringing them back into the mainstream.

Since last month I have aquired 2 pairs of black canvas (see above), a pair of hot pink canvas, and one delightful and spectacular pair of black quilted satin by Steve Madden (that I got for a steal of $24 including tax at T.J. Max)! Those are my Fancy Flats. They go wonderfully with the gypsy skirt. I just feel all kindsa cute and girly when rocking the Mary Janes! It puts an extra hitch in my giddyup and makes my eyes twinkle a little bit more just knowing how cute I am.

I have no idea when exactly I caught the fashion bug (speaking of which, I could use a trip to the Fashion Bug to get 3 more of the terrycloth sundresses I have decided are my favorite thing to wear around the house) but I'm betting it had something to do with Miss Alliecakes, the picture of adorability. I swear, as little as 4 years ago I could give a damn about what I wore. Of course, my makeup was always on point, and I could accessorize like nobody's business, but the clothing basically had to cover the wide expanse of my ass and not involve too much polyester. Other than that, I didn't care. Now I want cute clothes and cute hair and cute everything. Even the coverage of my ass comes in second to "does it flounce when I walk?".

Those who know me and see me on a semi regular basis know that I rarely wear pants. I do enjoy the capris, and yoga pants are a must for the strechability required to do my daily bendyness training, but other than that I am in a skirt or a dress or pajamas. That started in college too. I liked the fact that skirts were comfortable and easy to wear and non binding. Plus, you can get away with a whole cross section of cute shoes in a skirt than you can wearing pants. Don't even get me started on jeans. I don't wear them. I think the last time denim saw my ass was a few years ago. Now, I do have my eye on a pair of stretch denim capris, but that is more for the fact that they are rhinestone covered than the fact that they are jeans. I will wear them despite their jeanishness, not because of it.

Strangely enough, just about all I wore in high school was jeans. I was just never a girly girl. A large percentage of my friends were boys, I grew up around boys, I always saw myself as one of the guys (especially if one of the guys was really hot and this meant I got to hang around him more. I was the Queen of 5 Minute Crushes in my teens. Just ask John.). Now I am about one click away from prissy. I preen in the mirror now. I enjoy the color pink and florals and dangly earrings.

In addition to my girlish ways, I regularly look up at the male types through my eyelashes. This works so much better than batting them as no one asks you if you have something in your eyes. For the non southern women in the crowd I will walk you through the steps of performing this technique effectively.

1. Listen intently to what the male type is saying (or fake it. they'll never know)
2. When it comes time to answer or avoid answering a question, slowly lower your head so that your chin is about 3 inches from touching your chest. (this bring the guy's eyes down to your chest as well. good for disorienting him to get what you want)
3. Slowly bring just your eyes up to meet his. DO NOT lift your chin even an inch!
4. Peer up through your eyelashes and gaze lovingly into his eyes until he realizes you are looking at him and stops trying to look down your shirt.
5. Let your mouth go into a soft and innocent smile.
6. Ask for an iPod.

It worked for me! Look how nice I am to bring this secret southern technique to the masses. You didn't even have to pay four low monthly installments of $49.95! Of course, I'm not adding in a free gift of Ginzu knives, but what do you expect for free?

That is enough instruction for today. I need to get out of here and start getting prettied up. Jennysue and I decided we couldn't wait for our respective men to have time to go see the new Orlando Bloom movie with us so we're gonna go see it ourselves this afternoon. We'll just see it with our husbands later. Probably a good plan since I hear his love scenes are particularly spicy and filled with the nakedness. Really, I'm going for the swashing and buckle-ing. Orlando is the king of the swash and buckle and clench.

aaaaaaannnnd....I'm spent.

I have issues.

2005-05-10T10:30:00.000-04:00

Doi, we knew that. However, personal issues is not what I want to talk about today. Instead I want to talk about National and Universal issues that are personal to me. Things that have affected my life and I try to make a difference within the organizations that support them.

The first one is the C-word, what I think is the ugliest word in the English language, Cancer. My family has been affected by it from all sides, from my grandfather, to my own mother, to the infamous Grandmonster. Grandmonster is struggling with breast cancer. She was diagnosed almost 4 years ago, and while she has been defiantly fighting it with great success (and milking it for everything she can) she's been hit pretty hard with it in the past month or so. Doubling up her chemo and pain meds, slowing down her pace, digging into her subconsious, and for the first time in 3 years, really affecting her life. Yes, she makes me a crazy lady, but she is still family and when she asks me for help Ima give it...a lot of it.

Today I got an email from a friend of mine. It is for the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act. This is to make it illegal for hospitals to perform the Drive Thru Mastectomy, sending women who have undergone the proceedure home against the wishes of their physiscians while they are still groggy from the anesthesia, sometimes still with drainage tubes attached, and forcing them to keep them in the hospital for a minimum of two days to ensure proper healing. You can find more information on the web page of Lifetime Television, along with a petition and pledge. Please take 30 seconds and sign (2 minutes if you have dial up like me).

http://www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html

The second issue is about homeless animals. Namely dogs, but if cats are your lovable of choice they, of course, count just as much. Anyone who has known me for more than a minute knows about my dogs. I rescued Gus 7 years ago, when he was just 4 weeks old and the family who owned his mom planned on drowning the entire litter in the Ohio river. There is a special place in hell for them. I reserved it myself. Ima come off as a dorky dog lover, but I could give a shit. Gus has saved my life a few times now, not by pulling me out of a burning house, but in a very real way. A few people know how and that's enough for me. He is as much a part of my family as any child that would see fit to join us. He hand picked my husband. Out of every guy I dated since I got Gus, M was the only one he went right up to and crawled in his lap and showed his belly. Sold! Gimme a ring and let's get on with this.

Ruby joined us almost a year ago. I had her name picked out and the second I saw those little sad amber eyes peeking out from behind the kennel I told M, "That's her! That's Ruby!". I can't remember a time when we didn't have her. All the work people said it would add? I haven't seen evidence of it yet. Gus loves her, M loves her, Grandmonster loves her, and I love her. She had a rough life up till we brought her home. She was one of the dogs used for breeding in a horrible puppy mill. She was beaten, malnourished, and over bred. Her belly will always be distended from the litters she carried in her first 4 years of life. Since she has been with us we have just about loved the scared shelter dog out of her, however she still shakes when she gets in the car. We think it is because she thinks we're gonna take her back. As if!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, M wants another dog. He even brought it up to Grandmonster himself. We got her involved in looking for another dog who needs a home, just like I did with Ruby. (she takes to the dogs so much better if she feels like she had a choice, which she doesn't, but whatever.) Yesterday we got on Petfinder.org and did a search for smallish sized beagles in this area. It always amazes me how many animals need good homes where they will be loved, probably for the first time in their lives.

Our search is a bit different than most looking for pets. We don't look for one that we think is cute. Rather, we look for the dog who needs us most. Two dogs stood out. One little beagle girl named Bebe (which rhymes with the name we had picked out for a female dog) stole our heart. She is precious. The other is a small male beagle mix named Trooper (which will probably be changed). That's our guy. He is a year and a half old and was hit by a car when he was just a puppy. One of his back legs had to be amputated. He needs us. I sent an email inquiry to the shelter he lives in now and asked for more information on him. I'm waiting to hear from them, but I think our minds are made up. Unless he gets snatched up by another loving family I think he's gonna be resting his remaining limbs on the dog couch in our family room.

Please, if you are considering adding a pet to your own family, take a few seconds to check out Petfinder. . There are so many animals out there who need you as much as you want them. Puppies and kittens go fairly quickly, but animals over a year old take so much longer to find a good home. There are a million benefits to an older dog. They are usually already housebroken, already fixed, already crate trained, they've been spending time in the shelter with other animals so the workers can tell you about personality traits and whether or not they get along with other dogs and cats and kids, and most of all, the older dogs are generally so greatful to have a safe and loving home that they tend to be much better behaved and completely loyal.

If you are looking for a specific breed, gender, size, or age you can search for it on Petfinder. If you are looking for something more pure bred but don't care about pedigree papers try searching Google for rescue foundations for that breed. As we know, I'm a beagle type of girl. I typed in "beagle + rescue" and got over 400 listings for sites that specialize in saving homeless beagles. My mother is looking for a female yorkie under the age of 3 to add to her family sometime this year. She has decided to name her Lucy. I found over 300 Yorkie Rescue Foundations listed for her find her dog.

Yours might be out there too, just waiting for you to find them and take them to their new forever home and forever family. You have no idea what they will add to your life. You never know, they might be saving you too. Bebe still needs a home. If you have any desire to add a pet, please consider taking a look at her.

Bebe.

Here are some more Beagle Rescue links.
B.R.E.W..

Beagles on the Web

Tri Beagles .org

S.O.S beagles

Beagle Rescue Foundation of America

If anyone has any questions about the links or needs more information let me know.

Making the rounds.

2005-05-09T12:11:00.000-04:00

Despite the fact that I live in the Derby City and I adore pretty much everything Derby related I decided against actually going to the Derby or Oaks (basically the Derby for the locals) this year. Instead I saved my pennies for my Memorial Day weekend road trip to see #3 Georgia Division to celebrate her birthday. I can go to Chruchill Downs anytime and I'll probably hit it a few times this season and not have to spend any cash on a hat or and outfit. Sure, there won't be any celebrities there then, but I'm usually too schnockered to notice them on Derby Day anyway. But I did place a a few simoleans on the actual race anyway. It is a time honored tradition. I've bet on it every year since I was old enough to point to a name in the paper and tell Daddy "Hey, I like this one.".

I informed Mom of my picks early Saturday morning and Dad placed my bets only after questioning my reasoning of betting 2 different horses to win. She thought it'd be a better bet if I did an Exacta box. For the non-horse racing enthusiasts in the house, an Exacta box is not a pornography term. It means betting 2 horses to either win or place (meaning coming in either 1st or 2nd) so that no matter which of the two wins and which comes in second you still get money. Unfortunately, that means that the two horses you bet have to come in first and second. I explained to Mom that I want to bet both to win so that if one wins and the other comes in third I still win something. She argued for me for about a second and I told her to just do it how she wants. She knows better and told me that she would do it exactly how I wanted because if she doesn't and I lose because of it I would hold it against her for about forever. She is right.

So the parentage placed my bets and I went out to dinner and a movie. About 15 minutes before the previews started on Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy I got the call. I won. Since the horse that won was a longshot I won big, considering the amount I put down was small. (a penny saved is a penny you won't lose at the track) I won over a hundred bucks as a return on a $2 investment. Of course Mom wanted to know how I knew to bet on Giacamo. As it turns out, it was because that is the name of an artist I have always loved, Lordi Giacamo Fausto. I'm an art dork and for the first time in a long time it has paid off in actual money.

These winnings are earmarked for a specific and particular purpose. Ink. As in "Ima get that damn tattoo if I have to pay off the vice principal to do it." Hopefully on my foray into Hotlanna this month I can weasel Hot Tattoo Boy into giving us the ink we want and let us squeal with delight whilst doing so. Hot Tattoo Boy is gonna squeal with delight no matter what if only because we are exposing a few extra square inches of glorious flesh to him for permanent marking. Either that or because we have finally broken down and gnawed on him a little. Whatever.

As I previously mentioned, M and I went to see Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. I did some delightful squealing myownself when I realized the character of Marvin the Maniacally Depressed Robot was voiced by Alan Rickman. I got all giggly and goosebumpy. I love Alan Rickman! Here I thought that the fact that he played Snape in the Harry Potter movies was pretty much the pinnacle of my Fantasy Casting League (hey, some people play Fantasy Football. I can have my Fantasy Casting. I like to pretend I have control of movie making decisions. You should see my Fantasy Director Choice League. All Kevin Smith, all the time.) and then they let him play Marvin too!!! How am I to contain my excitement?

I did thoroughly enjoy the movie. Then again, I have read all the books a few times over. It is a definite improvement over the last time they tried to put the Guide to celluloid. I think Mos Def is hysterical, in addition to being an amazing actor. Look for him to get bigger and better roles. I'm just sayin'. Sam Rockwell did some major overacting in his part and since that was precisely what the character called for it turned out lovely. I am still a little creeped out by the bad CGI on his second head, but I got over that when they decapitated it. Damn, am I spoiling this for anyone? Oh well. As my final thought on the movie I'm just gonna say, "Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich." That is all.

Since the Bastard Calendar People put Mother's Day directly after Derby Day I spent yesterday making the rounds to all the Motherish people in my and M's life. Except my own Mother. But fret not, she forgives us and understands the rigors of trying to hit all the in-laws, outlaws, and family on holidays. We're gonna make it up and add another Mother's Day to the calendar. We did get to M's Grandma (Duh, she lives here and we try and try but can't seem to shake her), M's mom, and one of my Grandmothers (Mo). We schlepped the dogs with us to each and every spot, much to the delight of the Mom-ishes. They love our dogs too. Who could help but love them? All Mom-ish types were thrilled and happy and content. Long day.

Speaking of dogs, M is on an "I want another dog" kick lately and he will not let up. He even has the names picked out, one for a boy and one for a girl so we will be prepared in any event. I was thinking a wiener dog for the humor factor alone, but if (M says "when") we get another one it will more than likely be another beagle. What can I say? We're beagle people. Grandmonster has already agreed to the addition of a new furry somethingorother. My only prerequisite is that it has to be smaller than Ruby and NO PUPPIES! I did my puppy time with the Gustopher and I do not relish another trip down housebreaking lane. Plus, I am still bitter over the loss of my suede pumps.

M dragged me to a number of shelters and adoption centers to view and cuddle and try on the beaglesque dog contained therein. I dutifully looked and oooohed and aaahhhed over them and snuggled and cuddled and played with a bunch, then told him that I was not even gonna consider the option of another dog till he has 2 weeks off work. That's July. I'll figure something out by then. At least having him off work will make it easier to decide the "if" factor. If I can find an adoptable beagle online then he will be available to roadtrip with me to pick it up. I said "If".

We're so gonna need a bigger bed.

That all for now. So long, and thanks for all the fish. Love, the dolphins.

One for the dog lovers.

2005-05-06T10:45:00.000-04:00

My fellow puppy dorks, I am Lola. I have 2 rescue beagles, Gus and Ruby. They are 2 of the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful, lovingest dogs in the world. (raise your hand if you are a bit nervous about how ima view my human children when I have them. as if the "new mother syndrome" wasn't difficult enough to deal with without letting a giant dork like me procreate.) I adore them both. I got Gus when he was tee tiny, as in about 4 weeks old and still not weaned. I had to feed him from a bottle (and yes, they do make doggie formula. ask at your local pet supply store.) and he slept in a tiny wicker basket on my pillow. Now he is HU-FRIGGIN-MOUNGUS and, like the 400 pound gorilla of comedy fame, he sleeps wherever he wants.

Tomorrow marks the 7th anniversary of the day that Gus was brought into this world. Don't worry, just because the vet says this makes him a Senior dog I have been assured by Gus hisownself that he will nevernevernever leave me as long as I live, so death is not an option. He is just that loyal. So in recognition of surviving many years of living with Mo and a few more years of living with Grandmonster, we're celebrating in style.

I was gonna go get a cake from the local dog bakery, but as it turns out, we're not gonna have time to schlep to Indiana to get it. Instead, I am picking up a few boxes of candy from that bakery (they had it sent to my local feeder's supply), Awes for Dawgs, and I am making him a cake myself. You know you wanna know how exactly I am going to make a dog friendly birthday cake. Here, I'll tell you.

Doggie Celebration Cake
1-1/2 c. all purpose flour
1/2 c. margarine
1 jar of liver or beef flavored baby food (2.5 oz.)
3 strips of doggie beef jerky (but Beggin' Strips works fine)
1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 c. corn oil (wesson is fine)
4 eggs
plain yogurt or cream cheese
white chocolate discs or chips
paste food coloring

Sift flour and baking powder together and set aside. In a large bowl, cream the margarine, then add corn oil, baby food, and eggs. Mix at medium speed until smooth. At low speed, gradually add flour mixture until batter is smooth. Crumble and fold in the beef jerky (Beggin' Strips).

Pour into greased and floured 8x5x3 loaf pan. Bake at 325F for 70 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack for a few minutes before removing from pan and allowing to cool completely. Ice with plain yogurt or cream cheese.

For decorating, melt the white chocolate and tint with food coloring as needed. Decorate away.

That's it. Now I'm off to run my errands while everyone is at work or Churchill Downs for the Oaks. This is going to be the prettiest Derby Weekend we've had for several years. It's gonna get up to the mid 80's in the infield today for the Oaks and possibly into the early 90's for Derby Day. That seems like a good enough reason as any to start celebrating right now. Bring on the bourbon!

Today's Special.

2005-05-04T14:17:00.000-04:00

More than just a soup du jour. "Today's" is not a possesive that means "special of today" but a contraction of "Today + is". Because today is special. Ima figure out why as the day progresses, but know that tomorrow's special too. Okay, enough with the cheese. On to the list.

* i had a kickin' blog entry today all about an amazing summer i once had but the blog ate it.

* the blog actually only ate half of it and spit back just enough to piss me off.

* since i am pissy i'm not gonna finish the damn thing today for the second time.

* instead ima watch Passions (which is the funniest damn show on tv. not intentionally funny, but funnier than most sitcoms this season. i mean really, they started out with a talking doll as a lead character and moved on to a monkey nurse named Precious. now the monkey's gone and i miss Timmy again.)

* then i have to get back online and order tickets for engelbert humperdinck.

* i am NOT thrilled with this prospect.

* at least i don't have to go see him myself.

* Grandmonster is crazy.

* she knows if she brings home one picture or autograph or souvenier from this damn concert ima kill TG...at least a few picutes of him that currently reside in the hallway.

* because this house is full up with crap and any new crap must only enter the domicile after the ceremonious removal of old crap.

* i'm trying to decide if Grandmonster counts as "old crap".

* i'm teaching her to use the internet.

* i am not teaching her how to find my blog.

* my life is hard enough.

* i miss my friends who live far away.

* we need a new living arrangement where we are closer to each other geographically.

* my friend, Jason (Mraz), needs to move closer too.

* that, or call me everyday and sing the song Not So Ususal to me...three times.

* i bet i could get him off.

* did i mention that my in-laws are nucking futs? because they are.

* but my MIL just came in and sang to Gus because his birthday is Saturday.

* she's bringing him presents.

* that, i like. a lot.

* she's already started planning for Ruby's birthday too.

* which is May 26th.

* i, Lola, am a dork.

* i, Lola, love the fact that i'm a dork because i can almost always make myself laugh.

* watch out, i am contagious.

That is all. Carry on.

May = Mom

2005-05-02T15:18:00.000-04:00

I always have Mom on the brain in May because not only is that when we celebrate Mother’s Day, but it is also the month that holds her birthday. She has done so much for me that I owe my every victory in life to her.

We didn’t always get along as well as we do now. Mostly because I was a teenaged idiot, as most teenagers are when it comes to relationships, but our lives were a touch on the extra stressful side at that time because we were all going through drastic changes. We moved ever few years, and that means I started new schools all the time (I did not end the school year in the same school I started it in for a period of several years), she started new jobs all the time, and we had a new house all the time. That fact alone is why I abhore moving. I hate it with the burning fire of a thousand STD’s. (sorry mom. I mean “the burning fire of a thousand suns”.) Also at that time, my father was starting his own company…in our guest room, so finances were usually tight and moods were usually in a pressure cooker since it took much more energy just to get all the things done that needed to be done. Plus, I royally sucked as a student. Add to that the fact that both my mother and myself are on the dramatic side. That lends itself to trauma.

However, through it all, she held her own. She always knew what I needed. Not what I wanted, which was usually the wrong thing, but what I needed to grow up to be a useful human being. As I was born with Spina Bifida, and all the problems that come along with it, (see the sbaa and sbak links for more info if you want it) it would have been easy to instill me with the thought that there were some things I couldn’t do because of my disability. Not my mom.

I didn’t realize what Spina Bifida even was till I was almost a senior in high school! Instead I was in teeball, ice skating, clubs left and right, I walked to school when we lived in Virginia, I took ballet and tap and gymnastics, along with acting classes and art classes. I was also in the “smart” classes at school and was in the chess club, although I sucked at it. There was no limit to what I was allowed to try. If I couldn’t do it (which happened rarely) or I didn’t like it or got tired of it (which happened a lot) I was encouraged to try something else. This alone is why I am able to jump into learning new things to this day. You can see this fact for yourself by my foray into xhtml that is evidenced by the spunky new space aged template you’re viewing right now.

She taught me to do what it right, rather that what is socially acceptable, and how to tell the difference. She taught me that being generous is not just helping someone who needs it, but it is a way to feed your soul and theirs simultaneously. She taught me that just because you have diametrically opposed viewpoints does not mean you cannot have a strong and loving relationship. She taught me that healthy debate is just that, healthy. She taught me the benefits of holding your tongue when it doesn’t serve anyone but yourself. She taught me how to love and how to be loved in return. She taught me how to forgive.

Most recently, she taught me never to give up on someone, even if you thought they were long gone from your life. There is one person in particular that my mother understood would continue to have value in my life. I fought it. I was D-U-N. Mom kept fighting. She knew we needed each other and what we once had was too important to us both to let go that easily. I wasn’t in the right place to be able to let go what had happened, what I’d done, apologize, and whatever else it was gonna take to get it back. Mom kept pushing. The other person and I both got pissed at her relentless poking. “Have you talked to ____ lately? Guess what ____’s been up to? Call her!” She kept arranging opportunities that would put us together. Know what? One day, out of nowhere, with no warning, something changed.

It was on the other person’s part, not mine. I am not proud of that. What I am proud of is accepting the love I knew I didn’t deserve. We started over. She is now, and again, one of the most important people in my life. That was a lot of her doing, but it was also a lot of Mom’s. There aren’t enough thank you’s in the world.

There are so many more things that my own personal mama taught me. There certainly isn’t enough room on just one blog to tell it all. I know I will continue to tell stories about my amazing mom as long as my keyboard holds out, but for today, I’m gonna stop. Perhaps, if you’re real nice, I’ll tell all about how my mama made me a better artist and gave me the world (literally). Who am I kidding. You know I will.

I love you, Mom.

Your girl, now and always,
Lauren

I promise to update either tonight or tomorrow.

2005-04-29T14:51:00.000-04:00

I have a few blog entries rolling around in the old gray matter and I've actually started one that will be up by this weekend at the latest, but it is getting kinda lengthy so it might be up in installments. It's about my own personal mama, who I adore. Just a thank you to her to let her know that I finally understand all she's done. Since I finally got a handle on how to post pictures to this thing one of the other entries rattling around in my cranial cavity (and Microsoft Word) will involve me putting a few pics up of one of my favorite places in the whole wide ever. No, not Allie's house, although that's right up there on the list. I'm talking about Pont-Aven, France. That summer changed the way I view and create art. Plus, it's really pretty.

Until then Ima update quick to tell y'all that I am fiddling with a new blog template. Until I get the bugs out I'm not going to put it up here. I'm trying to decide whether or not to change this one or start a whole new one with a link to here. Basically, I can't figure out how to get my archives in the new template. Damn xhtml. But it has an "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." theme. It's either gonna be that or Barbarella. Either one has that certain level of cheese that I'm going for.

So if you need me I'll be knee deep in xhtml. I'd recommend trying to get me on the cellphone if you need me desperately. And let's face it, you do. So use the cellphone while I still have this number. Cross your fingers that I'll get the new picturephone and a spanking new phone number this weekend!

My time suckage skills are hard at work today.

2005-04-27T13:05:00.000-04:00

Since I have to fight with the dumbass plumbers a-friggin-gain I'm not going to be able to leave you with any glorious Lolaisms today. Instead I am going to stop fighting with the html tags that are all screwy in this table I am trying to post (and by that I mean I got sick of trying to learn enough to correct the bugs in the code they gave me) and just copy/paste the contents of it. Because it made me laugh.

You Know You're From Louisville When...

Your "International" airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states

The in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship.

You live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes... but has no capacity to deal with any of the above.

You pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you've heard.

You think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks.

When you think "Kentucky" you don't automatically think horse racing or fried chicken.

You ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to "move."

You've shovelled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.

When people ask what school you went to, they don't mean Vanderbilt, Yale, or Harvard; they mean Ballard, Male, Manual, Trinity or St. X.

You know what the Bambi Walk is.

Your last ten vacations were in Panama City or Destin.

You make an emergency run to Kroger for bread and milk at the first sighting of a snowflake.

You've lived here for years, yet somehow you get hopelessly lost each time you attempt a shortcut through Cherokee Park.

You're convinced turn signals are useless options on a vehicle.

You hold up traffic to let a motorist you don't know into your lane.

You give directions based on landmarks that no longer exist or street names that have changed, but your directions never confuse any of the other Louisvillians.

You have never been to the Derby, but wouldn't miss the Oaks.

You call in sick to attend the Oaks and spot your boss - who also called in sick - at the next betting window.

You think all the REAL hicks live in New Albany.

You think the only thing Southern Indiana is good for is buying pumpkins.

When introduced to another life-long Louisvillian, you spend the first part of the conversation finding out how you are connected. It's never as many as six degrees of separation - usually three will do it.

You think a pervert is someone who would rather have sex than watch basketball.

You've built a shrine to Rick Pitino in your basement.

You can read about Rick Pitino in at least three different sections of your newspaper.

You think the rest of the world knows what Benedictine spread is.

You think the rest of the world knows what a Hot Brown is.

You have never eaten fish that wasn't fried.

You think the whole world puts spaghetti in chili.

You want another bridge built over the Ohio River, just so long as it doesn't cut through YOUR neighborhood.

You've experienced a "salt storm" after a two-inch snowfall.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisville.

this came from
http://www.blogthings.com

And now, gentle readers, I need a favor. For reasons I cannot at present reveal to you, I need to pick my best 2 posts from this here blog. Now, I have a few ideas of which were my best, but I'd like to hear what you, the general public (and by that I mean pretty much everyone I know), thinks they are. Couldja wouldja give me your opinions? Please and thank you.

In with the good, out with the bad.

2005-04-26T11:52:00.000-04:00

Blech. Last night sucked eggs, huh? But thanks to a post by my favoritest Tasty (#5IN for those playing the home game) I stopped the overwhelming ick and started noticing the good again. Plus, I washed my hair and I feel a really lot better now. I may not be able to fix everything, but as long as I continue to try I might be able to change something significantly.

Today I have gotten a second wind and Ima either fix the drain or call a plumber for an estimate. Just because I know I don’t have the money to pay for a plumber yet doesn’t mean I shouldn’t call them and see exactly how much he’s gonna cost. I will stop looking at the big picture and start taking things one teeny step at a time instead. It is, after all, the teeny tiny things that matter most. It applies to my life so it just might apply to the plumber too. Once I get the estimate I will decide what the next step should be and do that.

Look at me, with the growing up.

I am determined to get this taken care of before 2 of my favoritest Kentuckians (Brenda and Bonnie) come in to town Saturday to go to the Chreokee Art Fair with Jenny, Isabelle, and myself. We had so much fun last year I am surprised that they didn’t put a picture of us on the ads for this year. There will be manymanymanymany hats tried on, laughed about, squealed or gushed over, and pointed at. There WILL BE Kizito cookies purchased, consumed, and not left in Bonnie’s Queenmobile for her to eat later. That is a mistake I make only once. I will lose no more snickerdoodles by default.

I guess we’ll do some art shopping as well since Jennysue has a new kitchen and needs to acquire some extra beautimousness to adorn her olive colored walls. The art buying is my department , color me in! I am going to foot my foot down on one thing. I will not allow myself to purchase and bring home any hermit crabs. Harry, the hermit crab was an umfortunate decision on my part. Although it was great fun chasing M around the house with him it was considerably less fun to clean his bowl and find only distilled water for him to drink and bathe. I am D-U-N with hermit crabs. A hamster could be fun though.

Alright, I’m off to surf the net in search of something that will show me step by step how to fix cemented drains or how to figure out a way to pay for Beavis and Co. Plumbers to come back in my house. Maybe he’ll fall down the stairs again. That’d be worth it. Wish me luck.

For the Super Bonus Round: Guess which adorably musical dork with an uncoming album release has a TODAY ONLY surprise for his fans. The surprise is that you can listen to his entire new album on his website. This is available only today. Hurry. I'll see you there.
http://jasonmraz.com/

Pollyanna can kiss my butt.

2005-04-25T23:41:00.000-04:00

Happyfun Pollyanna Lola has taken her leave. I'm not sure if it was when BIL1 was [allegedly] asked to bring home some of his tools so I could fix the drain and he came home with a pair of needlenose pliers...and nothing else, or when I got down and dirty with the underside of the bathtub drain and realized that the last person to fix that particular pipe(otherwise known as the dumbest mammal known to humankind and if I find out who it is someone's gonna have to find me a good lawyer) decided that instead of using plumbers' putty or plumbers' tape to ensure the pipe didn't leak they used CONCRETE. Or perhaps it was when a dust clod the size of my arm decended from its former home on top of one of the sewer pipes and found a new home in my already nasty (because we have no current shower usage) hair and down my shirt. Either way, Pollyanna I am not. The Marlboro Man might be safely tucked away behind the garage but Lola is out of ideas, patience, and happy thoughts.

And if one single person in this household so much as makes a face at me for filling the tub right back up with water when I take a shower in a minute Ima drown their sorry asses in the standing water. Because I am NOT going to bed without washing my hair and scrubbing the nastiness that fell from above off the top eleventeen layers of my skin. I'm pretty easygoing and I go with the flow but I can't be expected to figure out how to pay for yet another plumber and even more new pipes when I have greasy hair and smell like WD-40. They don't like it? There is plenty of sleeping room in the garage.

The biggest drain on my happy thoughts storage facility is news from Grandmonster's doctors. There is actually cause for worry this time, real cause, not just one of her patented attacks of the cancer. She goes in for an MRI and Bone Scan on May 17th and has a follow up appointment on the 23rd. They are upping the frequency of the chemo as well as her daily meds. Now I'm feeling really bad about a few of the things I've said (never in print, but some Nummas have heard me say it) about her. As crazy as she is and as much as she makes me wanna pull all my own hair out in frustration I don't hate her. I love the old bat despite myself. She's family, and since she's family and I have to deal with her on an hourly basis I get a bit of leeway to say things I really don't mean. I know God knows this...but I still feel just awful. I just kinda needed to get that out there.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to just burn it down?

2005-04-25T09:52:00.000-04:00

Wait, wait, you're not gonna believe this! This house? Yeah, well it's falling down! HAHAHAHA!!! Can you stand it?!?!?

Um, no. Someday I'm gonna learn to stop moving the flashlight when I have to crawl into the basement to scan the ceiling for random pipes I have to fix. Our bathtub drain is currently not draining and the Liquid Plumber I called (hey, at $2.99 a bottle at Walgreen's Ima call him first.) just bubbled and snickered at me. So what does any self respecting Lola do? Get on the internet and learn how to take a bathtub drain apart to remove a clog, that's what. So that's what I did.

The internet said I should go find the u-bend pipe to the tub and go from there. So off I go to the basement, flashlight in hand, to find it. No sweat. It was right where I thought it was (after I decided that it kinda had to be somewhere under the actual bathroom. I'm quick like that.) and looked somewhat similar to what I thought it would (because I've fixed clogs in the sink before and I guessed it probably looked a lot like the u-bend from the sink. See? Why am I not being paid for this shit?) Great! I can so do this!

In my celebration dance I moved the flashlight. Uh oh. Why is the ceiling splintered? Oh, because it has serious water damage....wait, WHAT? As my stomach hit the floor I realized that the ceiling of the basement, which seems like no big deal, is the floor of the bathroom. Right under the toilet. Raise your hand if you just got a mental picture of you or your spouse sitting on the throne, minding your own and DOING your own business and suddenly falling through the floor and ending up in the basement..still sitting. (add an "H" to the word "sitting" if you like. it's your mental picture.) Yeah, me too. Not something I would personally like to clean up.

As it turns out, the wax ring that surrounds the toilet, the one that is supposed to protect your floor from any water damage, wore out on our toilet sometime in the mid 70's. Greeeaaaatttt. Now the floor is riding kinda sideways since the subfloor is rotting out. WONderful! Guess who gets to fix it? Ya damn right it's me.

So on my list for things I need to get done to this house before August are:
1. Kitchen remodel
2. Paint house and shutters
3. Have tree cut down before it rips the roof
4. Replace rotten boards in deck till we can afford to have it torn down and replaced
5. Get a new lawn mower before M cuts his leg off and we can no longer afford to fix this money pit.
6. Paint garage
and
7. Replace subfloor of bathroom, buy new toilet and sink, install them, re-tile bathroom, and beat Grandmonster senseless with the toilet brush until she learns exactly why it is that you are not supposed to neglect routine maintenance on your home.

*sigh*

This story does have an upside. I made a deal with Grandmonster. I told her I would find a way to pay for the entire bathroom remodel myself if she agreed to let me place the wooden cowboy in the back yard instead of the front. He now leans on the back wall of the garage, out of eyesight of myself and everyone else. I am nothing if not my father's daughter in the deal making category.

I'm feeling a bit better tonight.

2005-04-23T19:42:00.000-04:00

We hashed the fight out. It helped that he did not, in fact, buy anything at Best Buy last night, and that he took me there tonight to get a new phone. However, since the fine folks at Best Buy are a buncha money hungry thieves we ended up not getting one. Since I am a thrifty SOB I am currently figuring out a way to work the system and get my picture phone at a severely reduced price. I just have to talk to a couple of people first.

As getting a new phone was not in the cards tonight we had to do something to make me feel better. Okay, I had to do something o make me feel better. M had to do something to get out of the doghouse. So, I got to go out to dinner wherever I wanted AND we got me new music. I picked up a John Coltrane that I didn't have (and I have no idea how that particular one escaped my cd collection, but I have remedied that) and Ultra Lounge. I used to listen to the Ultra Lounge compilations in college. Basically, it is Martini music, songs from the 40's and 50's when men were tipsy and women wore only one color of lipstick...red.

I was so happy when I found it because I've been trying to track a copy of this one (a modge podge of all the cd's they released) for about ever. On top of it being all kindsa fun, the cd case itself is fuzzy plush leopard print with vinyl cover art. Can't you just smell the cheese from there? It includes tracks like "Cha Cha Cha D'amour", "Jump, Jive, and Wail", "The Peter Gunn Theme", and "Teach Me, Tiger". I am swimming in the yumminess!!!! I swear, I have no clue why I wan't born in the 40's. Oh yeah, there was no Mraz then. I guess I'm okay here, as long as there's vodka.

Plus I got 2 new nail polishes on our requisite stop at Walgreen's on the way home. M just might live after all.

Why do they poke the dog?

2005-04-22T19:27:00.000-04:00

I rarely fight with my husband, and when I do it is almost always ends up in a lighthearted "you suck"/"so's ya mama" fashion and we laugh and he apologizes (because it is NEVER my fault, even when it is) aaaaaaannnd, scene. But I am right this very second in a doozy with him that just might have him trying to squish his 6 foot frame into a comfortable sleeping position on an apartment sized loveseat tonight. Because I am the only one who knows where the key to the bedroom door is and I can get there first, that's what. This fight was loud and resplendant in its use of words of the four letter variety (mofo is a four letter word, but I decided not to shorten it when I said it to him) and even got BIL1 in trouble by association.

Now I realize that the reason for the fight will not seem all that big to most folks, but it was to me, and I know a lot won't understand why it pissed me off so bad, but I know why. Plus, it wasn't just my request that wasn't heeded, it was the FACT that my request was agreed upon and then the shifty M sidestepped it so it'd look like it wasn't intentional. I'd say I wanna kick him but that'd require me to be in the same room with him for a second and I don't wanna right now. Plus, I really don't want to kick him. Stare daggers into the back of his giant head, yes, but kick him, no.

Here's some backstory. Many of you know that I don't get out much. It's a side effect of no longer being able to drive. So other than Isabelle Day I probably get out of the house in a non grocery capacity about once every couple of weeks. Other than that, I'm stuck in a house with Grandmonster, TG music on a loop, and a schload of dust. Thank heavens for cable and an internet connection. A shitty dial up connection, but connection nonetheless. So when I ask for transportation to somewhere it's because I need it. And I ask very seldom.

Last night BIL1 mentioned his pre paid cell phone is out of minutes and he can never get to the minute selling place before it closes, what with him working 6 days a week and all. Since M and I have the family plan and neither of us use anywhere near the minutes we are allotted each month I asked if BIL1 might want to be added on to our family plan and we can split the bill 3 ways. He agreed and said we should go get him a new phone and set him up on the plan. M said he'd take him sometime this weekend and I asked to go with. My phone had an unfortunate accident a few weeks ago. It unfortunately was near Ruby's head when she was unfortunately out of chewies and the cell phone unfortunately looked like a suitable replacement. She unfortunately got in trouble, but not before I had big puppy teeth marks piercing my phone and shards of hard plastic poking out in the general direction of where I rest my cheek when talking on it. Now I need a new phone and the only way I can get one is to price them and save my pennies till I can afford one because M is savings impaired and if I wait till we have the money I will get a jetpack before I get a new phone. If it was his phone in this state he'd have hopped in the car that very second and spent the mortgage money on a new and upgraded one, but it was mine and I have to wait because of me being a grownup and all and having patience.

So 4 TIMES I expressed interest in going when they go get BIL1's new phone and 4 times was told that that wouldn't be a problem. Cut to about 10 minutes ago when BIL1 comes in all skippy and glowy and showing off his brand new picturephone. ASS! Oh no you DID NOT just go without me! He is not used to feeling my wrath anymore and has lost his thickness of skin that used to save his ass from the Lola burning before he changed his life to no longer allow himself to be a fuckup. Tough. Burn, asswipe.

So, me, with the yelling. I asked why it was he thought waving the phone that I myself was gonna start saving for in front of my face was a smart plan when he knew good and well that it meant that he and M went to Best Buy without me? He comes right out and says "I asked him about that and told him we should ask you to go." He's a loyal lil fucker, huh? Rats his big brother out at the first opportunity. I like that about him.

However, I did not like him at that second and retorted with "Well you mighta asked but you sure as shit didn't tell him to turn the car around and tell me where you were going, now did you Mr. Fancy Picturephoneman?" I believe I then spouted off a few things that may or may not have included calling him Scooter and telling him that the cell phone family plan was my deal and he probably shoulda thought about that before he spent all that money on a phone that will be used strictly for picture taking until I decide I wanna let him actually call someone...and even then it'll just be to call 911 since he will probably be bleeding out on the driveway while I point and laugh from inside the locked house. Then I think I might have told him to run, but I'm not sure.

He sprints back out the door to tell M "OOOOOOHHHH, you're in troooouuuubbleeee...". As predicted, my cell phone (you know, the one with the holes in it?) rang and I saw on the caller I.D. that it was my husband. Of course you know I answered the phone with the pleasantry "Unless you happen to have a picturephone in that car with MY name on it I really don't see me talking to you right now." M hemmed and hawwed and "baby, I didn't know if you would want to go out in this weather or not so I just went on my own" and "i thought you were taking a nap" and "I didn't know why you wanted to go anyway" and other bullshit shovelling techniques. Chhaa.

Guess what, Skippy? You not knowing why I wanted to go does not have any bearing on the fact that you knew I wanted to go and told me you'd take me. Oh, and don't think it passed my notice that you not only got paid today and had the ATM card with you to deposit the paycheck, but we got our state income tax return back today too. Blonde does not equal stupid and housewife does not equal "dumb as a sack of hammers". And if I find out that you went and spent a bunch of money on crap we do not need and cannot afford Ima be taking a hammer to your very own sack. Asshole.

And post 2 for a slow start blog day is...

2005-04-20T20:20:00.000-04:00

a shout-out to my girl, Robin, who made coke with lime shoot out my nose with her blog entry. Do you know how hard you have to snort to pass a lime through your nose? A while, that's how long. But go see it anyway, and consider yourself warned. Put the beverages down.

http://blogginoff.blogspot.com/2005/04/another-twin.html#comments

Ok, back to the mix cd coalmines.

I just paid for the college tuition of a grandkid of the owner of iTunes.

2005-04-20T19:35:00.000-04:00

It has been previously established that I am a music junkie. Many, many times. So it should come as no surprise that Tuesdays, the day that new music comes out, is a good day for me. M usually stops at Best Buy or another store that sells cds and picks up whatever it is that we need. Yesterday I got the new Rob Thomas cd/dvd combo (there is a good chance that I might be a little in love with him…but I know I’m having an illicit love affair with his music. Fortunately M doesn’t care. He says it is an improvement on my 3 decade long affair with Prince. M can bite me. Prince is a genius.), and new music from someone on my “I would SO DO HER” list, Miss Shirley Manson, back with Garbage. Color me happy!

So you’d think with all this amazing audible sex roaming freely about the cabin I’d be knee deep in Garbage right about now, right? Wrong. I haven’t even cracked the nearly impossible and hermetically sealed cellophane wrappers. What have I been doing instead, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you…

One of my dearest loves in the whole world (who coincidently pretty much owns the top 10 spots on my “I would SO DO HER” list) happened to mention that her husband, DB, (who GETS to do her and I’m still bitter about that) might be wanting one of my mix cds that encompasses the decade of florescence known as the 80’s. She said it real nonchalant-like too. As if the mere suggestion that I compile an 80’s mix wouldn’t send me into a tailspin of glee and obsessive compulsiveness that would take over my world till I got it just right. But it did. And I am nothing if not thorough when it comes to the detailed and highly creative occupation that is making a mix cd for people I dearly love.

So I started easy. Some Cyndi Lauper, some Madge, some (and by some I mean A LOT OF) Prince, a touch of Bob Marley , with a bit of INXS tossed in for spice. That’s how it started. That’s how they all start with me. Cut to later that night, when I am polling whatever random people happen to be in my house as to what their 80’s tastes were, and I get the bright idea that this mix cd(s) needs to show something from each and every genre of 80’s music and still flow seamlessly into one another. Cut to an hour later when I am 5 pages of college ruled notepaper into the list and can be heard screaming things like “I am NOT putting You Can Call Me Al in as the Paul Simon track. It’s too obvious.” and “What the? How can I get to page 5 of this thing and not have even ONE Pixies song on there?” and “Do you think it’ll screw up my iTunes recommendations if I download an entire album by Tiffany tomorrow?”. Oh, and screaming the lyrics to whichever obscure 80’s tune that I decide needs to go on this cd(s).

Try explaining the fabulousness that is Night Ranger’s Sister Christian to anyone who was not alive in the 80’s and why The Traveling Wilbury’s were such an important band, or the fact that one song collaboration by Run DMC and Aerosmith paved the way for bands like Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park. (or trying to explain that we might never have any idea who Rockwell thought was watching him, for that matter. That mystery may never be solved.)

So this blog entry is dedicated to one of my favoritest husbands in the whole wide ever, DB. I just wanted you to know that you will, at some point, get that 80’s mix cd(s). It’ll probably be more of a box set, and you’ll probably get it after my computer dies from overload and starts spitting music back out at me through the USB ports, but whatever. You’ll get it. And before anyone asks, I do have enough to share with the whole class.

And ignore the bald patch on the left side of my head. The Hair Metal years got a bit tense.

GRRRRRRR

2005-04-19T11:10:00.000-04:00

I had this whole post, a long one, done for today but when I posted it only half of it showed up. Three paragraphs and infinite amounts of the funny got lost in the Internet Island of Lost Blogs. Now I'm just so irritated I am protesting by not finishing the damn thing. Not really. Actually I don't have time to finish it right now so I'll most likely do it this afternoon.

I'm just disappointed because it was another Grandmonster tale and I was all about the thwarting of her evil plans. And I prevailed. And you missed it. But whatever, I'll tell you sometime soon I'm sure.

I have noticed in the last hour or so that my blonde roots are showing. No, not the hair roots, although Ima need a highlight touch up...oh, about a week ago. I'm talking about my stereotypical blonde roots. Me, with the dumbness. I'm just not thinking clearly today for whatever reason. So anyone wishing to talk to me, beware. I'm not as dumb as I am portraying myself today.

Me, with the D-U-N-ness.

About this 80's revival thing...

2005-04-18T08:53:00.000-04:00

I am thoroughly enjoying it. Raise your hand if you are of..ahem...a certain age and can remember seeing a movie from a generation before and thinking "What were they smoking that made them dress like that? I'm so glad that I grew up in a time with decent fashion sense."

*lola's hand shoots up*

I can remember the exact second I first thought that. I was watching some movie on Saturday afternoon television. Since I am obviously a child of the 80's I quickly switched to a more suitable Kids Incorporated (admiring Renee's great sense of style. Renee rocked! Don't even get me started on that Martika girl, but for those playing the home game you realize that Stacey is now Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, right? She's filled out nicely.) and wearing jellies with two different colors of socks. (neon pink and neon green) I was also sporting white jeans with an oversized shirt that was belted...over the shirt. I'm tellin' ya, I was cuuuuuuuttee!

Now, of course, I see the cringeworthyness of my attire (but not Renee's, she was adorable) and I am worriedly realizing that the 80's are here again. YEA!!! And me, without my jellies. (you know I'm lying, right? I have a pair of them in my closet right now. shut up, I bought them when I was in Florida and my flip flops broke. no really, I did.)

So here I am making coffee with VH1 in the backgroud and I hear a guitar lick that is strikingly familiar. "That's Rick Springfield!", say I, and sprint downstairs to get a better view. (and by sprint I mean "walked slightly faster than normal") It is a band of very early 20 somethings with questionable hair (this coming from the girl with faded purple locks) and with them is The Rickster looking 50 kindsa good. What song are they playing? Jesse's Girl. Yeah they were. And the video included a dance off between two sequin and legwarmer clad young ladies...breakdancing. Yeah they were. Of course I stuck around long enough to find out who these young'uns were with the music taste. They are a band called Frickin A. If you've seen Napoleon Dynamite you will take great delight in that...and I do.

So here we are, in 2005, without our jetpacks, listening to bands like Frickin A, The Killers, Franz Ferdianand, and Modest Mouse, with Old Navy pushing tunic tops and huge shirts and tapered legs jeans thinking,"Wow, that's some decent music and super hot threads!". Ima need y'all to promise to not take any photographs of actual persons until the next decade retro washes in with the tide. Do it for the children.

I can't help but wonder, what are the likes of Madonna, Sting, and Prince thinking about this? C'mon Madge, we're waiting for the reinvention! Or the re-reinvention. I hope she kept her wardrobe from the Lucky Star video, although I think she mighta given it to Paris Hilton already. That's hot. I also can't help but wonder if since I am about a biscuit away from 30 something if I would find that show, 30 Something, a bit less boring. I hope not.

and on a almost related note, (we were talking about music, right?) I found yet another new guy that I adore. His name is Matt Morris and his album is called Unspoken. I'm not gonna tell you how I came about finding his music until after you have heard him and fallen completely in love with his stuff. Rest assured, you will. It is the fist CD I have found in A LONG TIME that wasn't on iTunes and I couldn't wait to go find it in a store (because it probably won't be there and I don't have the kinda time it would take to find it) so I had to order it off Amazon.com. I need it quickly (because it is that good) and I'm broke so I was forced (sure I was) to order something else so I could get free super saver shipping. Shut up, I know that I ordered an extra $14 worth of stuff to save $5 on shipping. But I needed Billy Connolly's greatest hits DVD too. All I'm saying is that it better get here soon. The 30 second snippets on Amazon aren't gonna cut it for long.

Because I, too, do what I'm told.

2005-04-16T10:58:00.000-04:00

Especially when it is a Rock Star doing the telling. Plus, I'm about to get ready to go see DANIEL so it's an easy blog entry. So, here we go!!

1. First Name: Lauren
2. Were you named after anyone? Lauren Bacall
3. Do you wish on stars? yes, all of them both individually and together
4. When did you last cry? last night. damn migraines.
5. Do you like your handwriting? yup, it's all curly-like
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? chicken
7. What is your birth date? IIIIII'm a yankee doodle daaaannndy, born on the 3rd of July!
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? soundtrack from "That's So Raven. it actually belongs to Princess Protege, but she keeps it in my CD binder.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? y'know what? i sooooo would.
10. Are you a daredevil? not really. but i enjoy taking risks more than i used to.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? unfortunately, yes. but i have since corrected that character flaw.
12. Do looks matter? mine? yes. anyone else's? not at all.
14. Where is your second home? wherever my numbers are.
15. Do you trust others easily? yes.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? books. still is.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? geometry
18. Do you have a journal? yes, both online and otherwise.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? are you new?
20. What are your nicknames? Lola, Lolabelle, Auntie Lo, #3
21. Would you bungee jump? no
22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? the majority of my shoes do not have ties. but when they do i untie them.
23. Do you think that you are strong? yes
24. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate chip
25. Shoe Size? 8
26. Red/pink? pink. me, with the girlie
27. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? i can't think of anything. i know there are tons of things i don't like about myself, but since i'm a work in progress and i'm still progressing i don't see any of those things as permanent.
28. Who do you miss most? my girls.
29. Do you want everyone you sent this to send this back? duh.
30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? i am wearing a blue sundress and black mary janes
31. What are you listening to right now? Lisa Marie Presley's new CD
32. Last thing you ate? froot loops.
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? cerulean.
34. What is the weather like right now? low sixties and beautiful!
35. Last person you talked to on the phone? Jennysue
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? smile
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I love her more than my iPod!
38. What is your Favorite Drink? sweet tea.
39. Favorite Sport? UK college basketball and Cincinnati Reds baseball

Family in-law ties.

2005-04-15T11:43:00.000-04:00

I know I usually don't say a lot about my brothers-in-law, well not a lot sweet anyway, but Ima say a few things today. First, for those who don't know about them at all I'll give you the run down.

M is the oldest of three boys, so BIL#1 is three years younger than him and 1 year younger than me. BIL#2 is 1 year younger than BIL#1. They have both had problems with addiction (apparently their father, M's first stepdad, was an alcoholic and drug addict. He was also abusive to all 3 boys and M's mother. He left when BIL2 was a toddler. He passed away last year. No one in his family bothered to contact either of my B'sIL. They weren't that upset.). BIL1 has since turned his life around in a big way and stopped drinking and doing drugs, kept a job, been promoted really fast in that job, and has stopped dating teenagers. He also started going to church and has become a peer mentor and is really active in the youth ministry. BIL2 has...well, he still has a job, anyway.

Both have tried & succeeded in living in this house with us. Both have been tossed out by me. BIL1 found his way back in and is now apartment shopping and has yet to piss me off in a way that would cause me to toss his ass back out on the street. BIL1 is the mechanic. BIL2 is the jailbird, mostly due to the fact that he drinks until the fun drunk wears off and the belligerent wears in. The last time he got put in jail it was because after he started a bar brawl and hit a police officer in the head with a beer bottle they put him in cuffs and looked him up and saw that he also hadn't paid child support in, like, ever. But both B'sIL are very personable people. I like them both. I'd like them more if they had never lived here.

However, now that BIL1 has made the life change he is waaaaaaay easier to live with and is now an actual help. Plus, he gives me money. Beyond even that, I genuinely like the guy. He is my music buddy. I sucked him straight outta the all-Tupac-all-the-time channel and into my musical realm. Basically, he took me to a Jason Mraz concert for my birthday a few years ago and he got hooked. That's when he became vulnerable to my music magic. Since then we have been in synch with our musical tastes and even share an iTunes subscription and update our iPods on the same program so we can share whatever music either one of us has newly acquired. He's a good kid. I'm glad that I know him.

BIL2 is a bit more...controversial. He's been out of jail for about a year now. He decided to stay out of jail pretty much the second he called this house to tell us that the judge said he could get out 8 months early if we'd let him be on in-house arrest at our house...again. I said, "BIL, I love you. No. I'll drop off more socks and a carton of Newports at the jail next time I am downtown. Good luck." I guess he finally got the memo that since Grandmonster, his own mother, and none of his brothers could be grown ups I was now "in charge". No one in this family could stop being an enabler, even though they knew that letting his ass off the hook each and every time would mean that there would soon be a next time. Imagine that?

Well, he did the rest of his time without complaining. He asked if he could move back in when he got out. I said no. M told him that he was the one who said no. So, BIL got out and rented a house with some buddies. They got evicted because they smoked their rent. BIL got an apartment with more reliable buddies. Just this week, he moved into an apartment with his newest girlfriend. (yes, she's still a teenager, but she is 19 so that's an improvement. plus, she has a job. she is his boss.) He has kept the same job for 7 months now and according to the owner he is indispensable. He pays his bills BEFORE he drinks, and since his job doesn't really pay that great he has worked out a deal with his Babymama where he mows her grass, fixes anything that breaks in the house, runs errands for her, and babysits for not just his child but her other child as well. All in exchange for a discounted child support. He's not completely fixed, but I can see all the changes he's made and it is a definite improvement.

But he still can't live here. We joke about it now. Every time he needs M to do something, like drop off some of his stuff or pick him up from work (he can't afford a car right now) he tells me to tell him that if M doesn't do it I am to tell him that he is moving back in. It's funny, really. Because we both know it isn't true. Especially me.

BIL2 and I get along really well too. I don't get to see him as much (because he is not living here...and won't be...ever), but when he does drop by, or we go to the restaurant where he works (and he is an amazingly good cook! plus, he feeds us for free. like I said, girlfriend is his boss.) we have a great relationship. He said he respects me for not letting him come back home because he knows why I did it. He is a good kid and I am so proud of him for the changes he is making in his life.

So, back to my point. The other night, my cell phone rang at about 11:45. I was already in bed but I answered it anyway. It was BIL2. The conversation is as follows:
me: hullo?
BIL2: Lola? it's B. are you okay?
me: ummm, yes. are you?
BIL2: yeah, i'm fine. i just got a really bad vibe. for some reason i just needed to check and make sure you are okay.
me: i'm fine, bub. so's everyone else here.
BIL2: *sigh* okay, i was just worried about you. wanted to make sure you're okay. i'll let you go back to sleep.
me: okay. hey, thanks for checking on me.
BIL2: not a problem. i just don't want anything to happen to you. see ya tomorrow.
me: okie doke. night.

How sweet was that? He told me yesterday (we went to eat at his diner) that he was really glad I was related to him and he wanted to make sure that I was safe and wasn't sick or hurt or something. You know what? I really like having brothers. Both of them treat me just like they would their own sister, just like they treat each other. That's nice.

Unfortunately, BIL2's radar was a bit off, but the vibe was real. That night one of his good friends was driving home on the Gene Snyder (it is a local highway) and fell asleep at the wheel. He crossed the median and hit a semi head on at more than 60 mph. He didn't make it. I'm praying for his family.

That's all from me today. Miss Olive is home from vacation so we're gonna go do some catching up in the guise of retail therapy. The new clothes are so much fun that I think I need more.

Are you a Yankee?

2005-04-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows the answer to this question. Hell, anyone who has read my blog for more'n a minute knows this! I'm not. Want proof?

Since a random test on the internet is proof positive of something I went ahead and took one. And by that I mean, I was searching random blogs and found this on one of them and took it for lack of a better blog topic.
http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html

My score was:
79% (Dixie). You are a solid Southerner!

duh.

So I am looking for entertaining memes to use on slow blog days. For those who don't know what a meme is (and I must admit that until a month or so ago, I didn't) I'll take a couple of great definitions from this site http://www.iampariah.com.

meme n (mëm): A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another. From the Greek mimëma, something imitated, from mimeisthai, to imitate.

In Blogspeak, a meme is an idea that is shared and passed from blog to blog, like a question posted in one blog and answered in many other blogs.

In my language, it is the list that one person posts on their blog that becomes contagious. It's a domino thing. Plus, if there's nothing going on it is so much easier to just fill in the blanks then try to think of something original on a damp, cold Wednesday. Kinda like today. For example, there was one rolling around called the Friday Random Ten. I forget where I found it but I'm betting it was from another iPod junkie like myself, so my apologies to the one who created it. It goes as follows; set your iPod/MP3 player/music player/whatever to random. List the first ten songs that come up.

For the record, here's mine from today.
1. Drown In My Own Tears- Ray Charles
2. Inaudible Melodies- Jack Johnson
3. Omaha- Counting Crows
4. Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison
5. Baby Won't You Please Come Home- Louis Prima/Keely Smith
6. Across The Universe- John Butler Trio
7. Flamenco Sketches- Miles Davis
8. I'll Do Anything acoustic- Jason Mraz, live @ Jimmy Kimmel's
9. Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine- The Killers
10. Wait So Long- Digby

As a general rule (and because I am a music whore and feel the need to have more control on what Ima listen to randomly ((shut up))) I tend to pick playlists and put that on random instead of putting the whole music library on random. I started doing that because when I just had it on general random I'd hear a Jason Mraz song followed by a chapter from The Diary Of Anne Frank. This is what happens when you have audiobooks on the iPod. But those are my Wednesday Random 10. And that's a meme.

I bet if I really tried I could use the word Random one more time. Wait...I just did.

Whatever, I'm bored. Ima go watch Dr. Phil.

Could I possibly procrastinate any more?

2005-04-12T18:01:00.000-04:00

Yes, yes I could. 3 days more to be exact. Yeah, we just did our taxes to-day. Since we did them at 6:43 on April 15th last year we are steadily improving. Not a huge improvement, but at least it's something. I swore last year that this year we'd have our taxes done by February 2nd. Yeah, that wasn't ever gonna happen, especially since we itemized this year. As I had no earthly idea how to go about itemizing and what all we could use to itemize (and those stupid Tax Cut programs did not work at all for us) I had to do a bit of research so I'd know what to bring with me to the tax guy. Plus, it involved math. I hate math. So I did the research and kept putting off the actual filing. M wanted to wait till Friday but I insisted that we do it today or we'd just switch roles and he could do the research and math and I would just sign the papers. We see how that turned out.

Since I was already in research mode and already at the financial guy's place of business I made M bite the bullet and started a Roth IRA. I know he doesn't want to work till he's 97 and I'd like to someday actually have money, so I thought it would be a fine idea to take some of our refund money and start it already. So we did. Now I just need to finish figuring out how to expand our Mutual Fund portfolio and I can quit with the financial shit already. My Dad is so proud.

Ugh, no more grown up crap for at least 12 hours. I'm officially full up now. If I get any more grown up I will not get near as much amusement out of my sparkly new clothes that I got this weekend. God bless the rhinestone tank top, sequinned gypsy skirt, beaded peasant blouse, and Mary Janes that wandered into my wardrobe on Friday. And by wandered I mean "painstakingly chosen, tried on, and purchased by Lola". Because I love them. The Mary Janes alone have placed me squarely on Cloud 9 (where nine pointed stars live). I'm so damn cute it's a wonder anyone here can stand it. Oh, wait, I don't care if they can or not. I love each and every molecule of my cute. However, when I put on my sparkly new outfit, M was sufficiently impressed. I had to force him to stop holding my hand long enough to get the groceries put away. Now that is a successful new outfit. Big shout out to Jennysue for making me buy something for myself for once...and for other things too.

Finally, as a public service announcement I have to tell y'all to go get some of the new Coke with lime. I am partaking of one right this very second. In the immortal words of M, right after he broke down and tasted one, "That's pretty fucking good!". Yes it is.

All right, I'm spent.

Check me out!

2005-04-12T10:24:00.000-04:00

Guess who spent yesterday learning some basic HTML? Me, that's who. I used this lovely new knowledge to get myself a brand spankin' new template and customize it to my specifications. Since I went through a total of about 5 templates yesterday, customizing as I went along, just to decide that this might be the one I want for now I have a feeling that the look of Tales of 3 will change as the mood strikes. But for now, I'm liking the argyle thing. It is Springy and green, and I am so loving the green lately.

Here's where I began learning the HTML thing.
http://lissaexplains.com/basics.shtml
Yes, this is a kids' site, and no, I am not ashamed to say that I learned a lot from it. Apparently, breaking it down Nickelodeon style is the way to go when it comes to teaching Lola computer stuff. Hey, it worked. That's what matters, right? Just wait till I start learning how to make my own graphics!

On another note: I bought a new swimsuit and matching flip flops this weekend. They are wondermus and lovely and I hardly ever say that about a swimsuit...at least not one that Ima try to fit myownpersonal fat rolls in. But I love them and I am one new beach towel and a few paperbacks away from being ready for the pool!!!! Since I already know I will not only be spending a whole buncha quality time at the pool this Summer, but quality time at the pool with Jennysue, Bev, Jenna, and Isabelle, I am massively excited! Excited enough to go buy a swimsuit and corresponding flip flops with my Easter Gift Card to Target, that's how excited!

In addition to this fashion induced excitement, I have another added happy to...well, add. Since both of my dogs have allergies I have to clean their ears with a solution that the vet gave us and q-tips once a week. Yesterday was the very first time in the almost 11 months since we brought Ruby home that there was no dried blood on the q-tip!!! Gross, I know. But it made me happy, and it made M happy, and I know it made Ruby happy. So, me, with the happy! Sue me.

Minor annoyances

2005-04-11T10:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I love Spring. We got that. It makes me happy and I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. Except I would. If it was a perfect world I would not be allergic to dogs, penicillin, hormones, cigarettes, or Spring. I am stuffy girl today. I love the forsythia in my yard, and there is a lot of it, but I am Sniffy the Wonder Three today because of it. I don't care though, because the benefits far outweigh the sniffles. I'll take the Sudafed and cut a few more branches of pretty yellow flowers to put in the big blue vase on my tv.

And then there are the ants. About once a year, round about...oh, NOW, I begin to see a moving black line going across my driveway right in front of the garage. Ants! A thousand million of them, give or take a thousand million...well, give anyway. They are everywhere. Everywhere of course means "coming into my house and crossing every path outside my house that I want to go through". I feel like I'm crossing a picket line every time I need something in the garage or need to get the mail. Since M's union is currently in negotiations with his employer I don't wanna tempt fate. We have some serious repair work to do on the house right now and that retro pay will come in handy.

But that isn't the least of my ant problems. Grandmonster won't let anyone use the bug spray for ants. For anything else, yes, but not for the ants. I'm sure you're asking if maybe she likes the ants. No, no she doesn't. "Then why?", you ask. I'll tell you why. Because many many moons ago someone (who shall remain nameless because if I find out who it is Ima kill the sumbitch) told Grandmonster that if she wanted to keep ants out of the house all she had to do was put a penny on either side of the door. "Ants don't like copper," said they, "and if there is a penny on either side of the door then the ants will stay out."

So now, every time she catches me with the bug spray she picks up the pennies, I can only assume to check and see if there were any signs of them not being operational, and then once again regale me with the story of how ants don't like copper.

Okay, 1. I don't care.
2. Ants don't give a shit about copper because inside the copper guarded door is an abundance of ant food.
3. There is more than one door to this house.
4. Ants don't exclusively use doors.
and 5. Pennies are not made out of copper anymore. Not for generations. Because a penny's worth of copper actually costs about 30 cents now and the government would rather spend that 30 cents to save up for a $300 toilet seat and a raise for Congress than spend it making a 1 cent piece. So the theory is blown unless you have a few 1894 pennies laying around.

Yet still, she persists. Despite the fact that EVERY YEAR there have been ants getting into this house and NO YEAR has been ant free, she still gives me the penny vs. ants story every time she sees me with the bug spraying. So I spray before she gets up in the morning. Let the woman look like a lunatic when she tells people about the pennies. I'm sick of ants. So if you happen to come over to my house and notice that there aren't any ants and Grandmonster has explained the change by the door, it's because I spray. I'm just sayin'.

On an unrelated note, I hate full ashtrays. This is why I generally empty ashtrays when they get more than a few butts in them (except the outside ashtrays. Those are M's domain. If they are inside Ima empty them). But I can't empty them if I don't know they are full. M left a full ashtray on top of a stack of cds (because that's a safe place) on top of the computer desk, which is above my eyeline and I didn't think to check to see if there was an ashtray hanging out at the 7 foot mark of the room. SO this morning when I went to turn on the computer I bumped into the desk with my knee (as I am wont to do) and the ashtray and cds came a-tumblin' down. On me. And I had just finished putting on lotion. So the ashes stuck to me. And fell on the keyboard. So my fingers now smell like a dirty ashtray. I hate M. And I have to take another shower now.

Coming out of the dark

2005-04-06T16:28:00.000-04:00

Update: I wrote a second blog entry today but I can't figure out how to get it above this one instead of below. So below is where it be.
aaaaaaaaannnnnd, scene.

That's my theme song today. Thank you, Gloria Estefan, for correctly crafting those lyrics. I've been living under a most heinous strain of ghetto flu for well over a week now and today is the first day I could crawl outta bed without an overwhelming sense of icky and massive vertigo. I still have the cough that sounds like I have a loose muffler and serious carborator issues but at least I'm not out of breath just walking back from the bathroom.

Andandand, SPRING'S HERE! I've never been so happy to see my yard begininng to be attacked by weeds in my whole life. Why is it that each year that passes makes me abhore winter that much more? I just don't like it. Sure, seeing the first flakes of snowfall is magical, and the quiet majesty of a blanketed landscape incites peotic thoughts, but only for about 30 seconds. Then I'm just cold and bored and stuck in a house without a fireplace and a yard filled with gray slush. I'll take dandelions over slush at any time. The forsythia is blooming in both my backyard and in a vase on top of my tv. That means the honeysuckle isn't far behind.

I love watching Spring creep up in the south. I eagerly calculate the temperatures every day and gauge how many more days it'll be before I can throw that back door open and let the breeze waft though the house, blowing the stale winter air out and letting LIFE in! My back door is currently wide open and I know I have at least a month before I have to fix the screen door so I can enjoy the breeze without having to track down my fly swatter. My tulips are tall and healthy, the dogs are sunbathing on the deck, and I have started making sure there is ALWAYS fresh sweet tea, just exactly like my Grandma's, in my house. Because my Grandma makes the best sweet tea in this region, that's what. It's so good that we make her bring it to every family gathering, even though we all know how to make it.

I'm feeling very southern today. I don't know if it's the breeze, the sunshine, or the fact that I have on waaaaaay more mascara than any self respecting yankee would be seen in outside of the local drag show. Now I've visited the more northern parts of this country, even lived in a few northern cities, and I like them just fine. However, I have known my whole life that I am a southern girl and there is no way anyone could mistake me for anything else. I wouldn't wanna be anything other than southern. In fact, I'm not sure how anyone survives as anything other than southern. I can't imagine living anywhere where you ask for tea at a restaurant and the waiter asks if you want it sweet or unsweet. If I want unsweet tea I will ask for unsweet tea. If I ask for tea there'd better be sugar involved...and none of that Splenda shit either. One cup sugar per quart of tea. That's how it's done. And strong enough to walk from my table back to the kitchen to fetch its own ice. I want to be able to find a restaurant that carries fried pickles, and more than one so I can compare and contrast. Andandand, everything must come with sauce. Everything. I want to live in a region where the following sentence, when overheard, doesn't get even one eyelash batting except by the person saying it. (if the person is female and the sayee is male)

"Excuse me, sir? This sauce could use more sauce. Could I have it on the side, please?"

That, my friends, is a fat activity. I'm so glad I'm southern. Now I'm hungry.

It's coming!!!

2005-04-06T14:34:00.000-04:00

I can smell it. And it doesn't smell anything like teen spirit but it is a very distinctive smell nonetheless. I knew it even before I watched the news. I felt it during my first cuppa java this morning. It is probably one of my most favoritest of smells in the whole wide ever. It is gonna happen soon. Like within the hour soon. Moment to moment, I can feel it getting closer and the dogs and I are just waiting with anticipation.

The first spring thunderstorm is gonna be here any second now. Just a second ago I felt the barometer drop. I don't know how I know it dropped, I just know. The teensy tinyest chill just hit the sweet green breeze a second ago and I got all shivery with excitement. I love thunderstorms. There's a huge difference between ucky winter slushy gray rain and warm blue spring dandelion rain. I hate the former and I LIVE for the latter. I can't wait to pile myself up on the couch and watch the rain flow down, giving my garden a much needed drink and allieviating me from having to drag the hose out of the garage and untangle it and bitch the whole time that I have to drag it out to the front of the house to hook it up to the one working outside faucet just to water the flowers in the back yard. We so need a hose organizer, yet we never remember to get one.

But that's not why I love the spring rain so much. I just love watching thunderstorms. It's like an unexpected fireworks show. Even Gus gets all excited when that chill hits the air. Ruby, not so much. She's getting better though. She no longer hides under the covers (although I must say, that is waaaaaaaaay cute). Now she just hides behind Gus and looks to make sure that neither he nor I are scared at all. I guess she figures as long as we're not scared nothing's gonna eat her.

So Ima pop some Sweet and Buttery popcorn courtesy of Orville Redenbaucher and get ready for the show. I'll save room on the couch in case anyone wants ta join me.

Daaaaaaaammmmnnn!!!

2005-03-29T13:40:00.000-05:00

I might still be sick, and I might feel like the walking dead, and I might have reinjured my shoulder with the coughing along with adding some rib bruising as well, but at least I'm not this guy.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7308702/?GT1=6305

ewwwww.

WHY, OH WHY?

2005-03-28T12:48:00.000-05:00

It isn't fair. I've done my time with the ghetto flu already this year. It isn't allowed to come back, right? Yet here it is and I know where it came from and you better believe that I called this person on this shit. Because I started this guy's shit and I'll end his shit, that's what. I said andiquote,

me: I hate you.
him: *exclaiming with surprise and sorrow* Noooo! Why do you hate me?
me:Because you got me sick...A-gain. Fucker.
him: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!
me: Your sorrow means nothing to me. I'm far too busy trying to eject the pudding from my lungs to give a shit that you're sorry and didn't mean to get me sick. I have a FEVER!!! Fucker. By the way, did you happen to see anyone trying to put pudding in my lungs in the last 12 hours? Because they need to die.
him: I'm sorry. I guess the pudding comes with it, huh?
me: Death is too good for you. Hope you rot AND develop a wheat and/or gluten allergy. Fucker. If you want to live Ima need you to do all the chores I was gonna do today but can't because I have the Bubonic Plague. Go clean my bathtub, beeeyatch.

aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddddddd scene.

So it's back to the couch for me to recuperate. Fortunately, M is off work today for Easter (yeah, Easter was yesterday, I know. however, if they wanna give M a day off AND pay him for it I am most certainly not against that.) so when I get good and tired of the Indiana Jones marathon I can have him fetch me some flicks. I'm dying.

*cut to Lola with her hand draped delicately across her forehead, head tossed back, recreating the death scene from Camille.*

In the immortal paraphrased words of Chandler Bing, "Could I be any more drama queen?"

Seriously fizzucked up.

2005-03-26T18:31:00.000-05:00

http://www.gizoogle.com

I got nothing. Wait, that's not true. I laughed for about a half hour. It is much more accurate to say that there are just too many funnies to begin to mention. Fo instance, here's my horoscope fo today courtesy of Gizoogle...

Canca
Baller(June 22 - July 22)
You can choose ta continue keep'n tha peace -- especially when it comes ta family brotha -- coz it's one of tha mobbin' you've been an expert at since you wizzle jizzy a shawty bitty . I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. But weigh tha pusha options fizzirst . Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this..

http://sites.gizoogle.com/?url=http://www.fun-horoscopes.com

Somebody teach me how to put links on here so I can add this to it. I might as well add that blogroll while I'm at it.

For the record, the phrase "I started yo shit, and I'll end yo shit." has been entered into the Lola Lexicon. *snort*

A big shout of the the fine makers of Mountain Dew

2005-03-25T13:54:00.000-05:00

If you don't know their newest ad campaign involving iTunes then how on earth have you crawled out from under that rock long enough to read this? But I digress. Basically, the Dewy types have made one in three of their patrons a winner of a free song from iTunes. I love them.

Now I am not one to partake of mountainous dew, but the boys in this household do...a lot...like, more than average...as if I need their wired asses irritating me 24/7...but whatever. These boys also have friends who are Dewy. Of these friends, M and C are the only ones who have demanding family members with iPods. That'd be me. So the collecting started the day the contest started. We now have an iTunes jar on top of the desk. It's getting very full, then considerably less full the longer I stay on the net.

We all know that I'm a music junkie and that I've spent the last 7+ months since I recieved my iPod (otherwise known as "the best thing M has ever purchased for me that didn't involve carats") power loading it with each and every relevant cd in my very very large music library. I've also done quite a bit of purchasing of songs and albums from iTunes itself. I nearly always find something that I will not survive without, and you know that affliction that causes one to forget any and all cd's and such that one wants the very second one steps into a music store? Yeah, this helps that a lot since the second I remember something I want I simply click on iTunes and get it.

Now, with the blessings afforded me by the Mountain Dew folks, I get to download 10 free songs a day till May, when the contest ends. I'm up to 7 today alone and am just waiting till the wee hours of the morning so I can add more songs with the next 10 caps I pull outta the jar.

Thank you, Pepsi Co., for the free tunage. Keep drinking Mountain Dew...at least till May. Because I'm an obessive music junkie, that's what.

SHUT UP!!!!! No one told me they had the Melissa Etheridge/Joss Stone Grammy perfomance tribute to Janis Joplin on here!!!!!!!!!

Damn, gotta go.

*cheesy TRL dedication backmusic plays*
This one goes out to The Nummas. Because if I had a million dollars I'd give it all to you! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Barenaked Ladies "If I Had $1,000,000" video is drowned out by the woooooo.*

Somebody make me stop. I just downloaded Will Smith's new single and I LIKE IT!

Imitation is the sincerest flattery

2005-03-25T10:35:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Allie who stole it from Christel who stole it from Tasty, because that how Ima roll on this, a busy, but Good Friday.

I Live: in the south
I Work: to keep my family happy, healthy, and safe
I Think: I'm building an okay me
I Smell: like citrus and summer
I Listen: to myself more and more lately
I Hide: the good cereal from Grandmonster
I Walk: with my dogs just to smell spring in the air again.
I Write: because I sometimes don't know how I really feel till I re-read what I wrote.
I See: the little things
I Sing: LOUD and often
I Can: make you laugh even when i am in a thousand pieces (and i can heal from that) ... again ditto with the christel, and the allie
I Watch: the kids in my life growing up as my boobs grow down
I Daydream: about owning an art gallery somewhere where they appreciate art, oh and the book tour with the Numbers.
I Fall: on my ass on a regular basis, but still I rise
I Want: to be a good friend
I Cry: about 4 times a day, on a good day. Seriously, I cried at a Mighty Ducks movie this morning and an episode of Popular yesterday. Enough with the cleansing already!
I Read: all the time. usually about 3 books at once.
I Love: my friends and family, and those that are both
I Rode: Grandmonster's ass till she let me put her handgun somewhere safer than her top dresser drawer. We have a KID in the house forgoodnesssakes!
I Sometimes: fall back in the hole, despite all my work on me. but still I rise
I Fear: that I won't get out, but still I rise
I Hope: I can be the girl I'm starting to see emerge lately.
I Eat: frozen thin mints on my birthday every year. I keep them in my cousins' freezer till July so I don't eat them before that.
I Quit: trying to be a hero
I Drink: only coffee made by the hand of a Number.
I Play: The Sims. I know, shut up.
I Miss: my girls the second I wake up in the morning
I Forgive: yup, I forgive. I didn't used to but the rewards I have gotten from it far outweigh the difficulties I had learning to do it.
I Drive: everyone crazy with incessant talking
I Dream: of being a mom
I Have: the best friends in the whole wide ever
I Remember: what it felt like to be in The Bad Place and I can't ever go back.
I Don't: give myself the credit i give everyone else (allie and I are really the same person. Thank GOD!)
I Believe: that God knows what he's doing.
I Owe: every hospital in the tri state area.
I Know: that I'm gonna be okay
I Hate: green peppers (HATE is not a strong enough word. they aren't allowed in my house.)
I Feel: content, blessed, hopeful, trusted, responsible, scared, excited, curious, ashamed, proud, lucky, and most of all loved. (ditto)

And the world welcomes another slice of heaven

2005-03-24T17:26:00.000-05:00

Last night, after a whole lotta hard work gettin here, my cousin Aaron and his lovely wife Winnie welcomed their first baby!!!!!!! I'm so excited for them! Last night was a perfect night to bring a beautiful baby boy into the world, the south, and their incredibly loving home!

Welcome to the party Caleb Bradley H.!!!!!! All 8 lbs. 14 oz. of you!

I'm your cousin Lola. You'll recognize me. I'll be the one with the purple hairs. I can't wait to get to know you.

I told y'all I could hold my liquor!

2005-03-23T20:31:00.000-05:00

Bourbon
Congratulations! You're 130 proof, with specific scores in beer (100) , wine (66), and liquor (104).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 64% on proof
You scored higher than 97% on beer index
You scored higher than 85% on wine index
You scored higher than 96% on liquor index
You too, can take this test. Click on the title of this post and get schnockered.

The itsy bitsy.

2005-03-22T13:16:00.000-05:00

Today I am realizing the things that affect me most in my life are teeeee tiny. Someone calling me because she was "feeling the vibe" and then listening while I blather on about little bits of nothing that were important to me for unknown reasons, that can make a girl's mood do the turnaround. Being able to blather about the nothing made the something seem microscopic. Because she loves me and that means I don't suck a huge whole lot and that, my friends, is SOMETHING. Because this girl is spectacular in a way that even I have a hard time seeing the panorama of it, that's what. And boy howdy, am I lucky to be able to call her my friend? Yes, yes I am. Every day.

Plus, today another friend, one who I admire and wanna be just like and have loved and has been a part of my life for soooooo long sent me an email to tell me what affect something I said a few days ago had on her. I didn't even realize I was doing anything except talking about myself (which I do too often, I know, but I'm so good at it.) and it had an affect in her life. Thank goodness it was a good affect, because I know in my time I have said something stupid that had a bad affect on a life or two. For that I am sorry, really truly sorry.

My friend, who I adore thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much, also sent me a passage from an email that is so where I am today.

Everyone Can't Be In Your Front Row

Life is a theater - invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships/fellowships! Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention to:
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciateyou and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God -- the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God- the more you seek things honorable -- the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you... but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.

I am so glad that the FRONT ROW of my life are who they are and I'm going to strive to be to them what they are to me. I am a work in progress, but at least I'm still progressing.

So this is a thank you to my front row. I am blessed to have you and better because of you and all the little things you do for me. I love you all so much and your friendship has meant more to me than I know how to convey. And to those I love from a distance, I will continue to love. If they want a front row seat I have seats saved for them. If they want to know me, I am knowable. It might be an effort, but not a wasted one.

UPDATE: I just got an email from an old friend of mine from high school who I haven't seen in over 10 years! How much does that rock? I'm thrilled to hear from her and can't wait to re-know her. I kept her seat warm.

Spring has sprung in a random kinda day.

2005-03-21T11:40:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all those sending me sunshine wishes this weekend. Spring officially started at 7:33 yesterday morning and today it is finally looking the part! The dogs are sunbathing on the deck, the air is still a touch chilly but it is the Spring chill rather than the Winter one, and my tulips, daffodils, and crocus are stretching their leaves. Thank goodness. I don't know how much more Winter I could take. And since Spring has started I can begin my countdown to my birthday. I have 104 days left of my twenties. July 3rd is the beginning of the big three oh's. I am excited! No really, I am.

_____________________

I am a nerd. I have come to terms with my nerdiness and all that comes with it. I love to read, both fiction and non fiction. If there is a subject that interests me I tend to do in depth research into it (especially if it is Harry Potter). I love spending evenings at home with my family. Libraries are one of the coolest places on earth. And I have an innate love of language. Figuring out what the derivitives of certain words or phrases are is something I do for no good reason other than it entertains me. So it will surprise very few people that I get delivered in my inbox a word of the day from Dictionary.com. Usually they are very tame, but every once in a while something funny pops up. Today's definition is not all that amusing, but the word itself cracked me up. It was definately not the definition that came into my dirty mind when I saw the word.

noun:1. A pleated or gathered flounce on a woman's garment; a ruffle.2. Something showy or superfluous; a bit of showy ornamentation.

the word?

furbelow \FUR-buh-low\

teehee. aaaaaaand scene.

_________________________

So I spent yesterday doing yard work. More specifically, I spent 5 hours yesterday removing the giant mountian of dirt from my front yard that was left after we had our sewage pipes replaced this past winter. Now it has snowed and rained and dried and settled and become one big giant rock of dirt (since Kentucky's dirt has a whole lotta clay) and it was no easy task to shovel that stuff up and spead it around to make things even. But fortunately there was enough dirt to fill in a lot of the ditch right by the road that fills with water every spring and becomes a swamp. That's a good thing. M, BIL (reluctantly), and Savanna helped and even Grandmonster helped tamping down the redistributed dirt after her Nascar race was over. It looks 1000% better and has helped property values, I'm sure. It isn't completely done, but I'm gonna be back out there today while everyone is at work to attempt to finish the job so I can start re-seeding it tomorrow. It will be nice to have a decent lawn for the fist time...well, ever.

You know that feeling that you get after you spend hour upon hour working and exercising? The one where you are sore, but happy because of all the endorphines racing through your system and the fact that you accomplished something? Yeah, I hate that feeling. It just further serves to remind me that exercise is indeed good for you and does help with the doldrums and increases you strength. I'd so much rather go on denying that exercise is gonna do a body good. That way I can just lay on the couch and eat popcorn and play with the dogs. But NOOOOO, I had to go get stuff done. Dammit.

But my mood has improved from yesterday. Maybe I can just blame the happiness on the sunshine, the Spring, and the Girl Scout cookies. Yeah, that'll work.

_____________________________

And I am power loading some serious Creme Brule coffee from the Rock Star. It will be the only thing on this planet that might make me forget the stiffness in my lower back from overworking the hoe yesterday so I can continue the excavation of my front yard. HEY! That's hoe with an "E"! Ima hafta be a little more broke before I sell that "E" This hoe has nothing to do with my furbelow. Nasty..

Moody

2005-03-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

In case anyone hasn't noticed, I added a feature that tells what mood I'm in over there on the sidebar. I saw it on one of my girls' sites and of course had to have it. Because that's how we roll. You too can have it by joining Unky at http://unkymoods.com.

So after my last post, the one about needing to clean up the exterior of our house, I tried to nail down exactly what my mood is today. Since I was born under the sign of the zodiac that is the most moody, Cancer, sometimes I feel many ways at once. Declaring which one is most accurate on any given Sunday is not always easy. Today is worse than most. I went through all of Unky's moods and started writing down which ones I was. I ended up with a list of 25. Wanna hear it? Here it go.

*ashamed

*bloated

*busy

*concerned

*embarrased

*frazzled

*frustrated

*guilty

*hopeless

*in turmoil

*inspired

*irritated

*invisible

*just here

*overwhelmed

*ranty

*scared

*short

*so-so

*stressed

*ugly

*uncertain

*vulnerable

*withdrawn

*worried

I figure that as long as I still have "inspired" on the list I can possibly do something about the other 24. Pollyanna, hurry up. I need your help. As you can see, I ended up choosing "crabby" for the final mood. The crab is the symbol for Cancer and since I'm feeling very moody and cancery I thought it was befitting. Ima see what the day holds before I decide how I feel like being today. It's never good to decide these things before you even get the motivation to put on a bra.

I'm off to Create a Great Day.

The time has come.

2005-03-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

The house next door is up for sale. No, M and I will not be able to purchase it because we spent our money that had been put aside for a down payment to fix the basement of this house. His Grandmonster's house. The one that $19,000 later still has a broken basement. Basically we spent $19,000 getting all her shit out of the lower portion of our abode. Fucker.

But now our next door neighbor, L, who we adore and is thoughtful and kind and looks in on Grandmonster and cares about our family, is getting married. I am inordinantly happy for her. She got a really ugly divorce about 5 years ago and has been trying to raise her daughters as well as possible (which is really well. she's fantastic and so are they) since then. About a year and a half ago she met a nice guy and they have been seriously dating. He's been there every weekend for the past year fixing the house up. On the occasion that he is working in their yard and sees me in my yard struggling with some project or another he drops what he's doing to come help me. We love him. And both his and L's moms have helped as well. These are good people.

Today the sign went up. I knew it was coming. I know the signs of someone preparing a home for the market. Today's the day. Unfortunately, our house is THE ugliest house on the block. The house across the street, where the occupants have long gone to a Nursing Home and no one bothers to do anything to is still in less disrepair than ours. Hell, even the Marlboro Man (wooden cowboy cutout. don't judge. we try to dispose of him and he just comes back.) is completely worn and broken. He hasn't leaned against his original tree for years. Now he is hobbled against the house. The shutters I asked M to paint 4 years ago are still unpainted...except for the one that I painted (then fell off the ladder). The eves of the house need painting, the garage needs painting, the lawn needs to be reseeded and the mountain of dirt in the front yard needs to be levelled. The only thing that is pretty okay is the trimming of the trees and bushes. I did all that recently.

I'm flat out embarrassed of our house. Every friend that sees it I offer an apology before they get here. It is humiliating. And now it is going to bring down L's property value. She's even too nice to ask us to help out by taking care of the disrepair that has been going on since Grandmonster's hubby died in 1986. That's a good neighbor right there. So as a wedding gift to L ,Operation Homeowner is now in progress. I just went up to Grandmonster's room and gave her one of my patented "Okay, this is what we're gonna do" lectures. She agreed. It starts today (in 20 minutes, that's when my meds kick in.).

I called my mom. She's gonna get the power washer over here in the next week so I can power wash the house, garage, and deck. (how much do we love that my mother has her own power wash and that i not only know how to use it but have used it many many times before and tell her if she gets a new one that this one belongs to me. God bless power tools.) I'm headed out to the front lawn with the shovel momentarily to take care of that mountain. We're making a Lowe's run for sod and paint supplies, and the boys will be arising from their Sunday slumber in mere moments to get to work. Unless, of course, they want me to stop feeding them.

Humiliation is a great motivator. The nagging of the boys has ended. I've done it for 4 years and it hasn't worked. Doing more work myself than my body should do just to guilt them into doing it, that's over too. Once again, didn't work. I have released the Home Improvement Hellbeast. I want to be proud of my home. If no one else has enough self respect to get it done than they forfit their right to have their home look like they want it to. I'm Head Bitch around here now. So, Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's off the the yardwork I go.

And I think the Marlboro Man might have an "accident". Pray that he is put out of my misery.

Pros and Cons

2005-03-19T21:49:00.000-05:00

Life's full of 'em.

I've been trying very very hard this past year to work on me. I hate that it took me nearly 29 years to figure out that I spent a whole lot of time working very dilligently to be someone I wasn't crazy about. I expended countless hours and phenomenal quantities of energy trying to put on a face that I thought would make it all okay. I figured that if I could just get that mask right, the one that everyone would be forced to love, and if I strapped it on tight enough then maybe I could be that girl. I did that for nearly 3 decades.

Yeah, that didn't work. All it made me was Apology Girl. All it did was further convince me of my unworthyness and failure. That sucks.

So in the spirit of introspection I came to the conclusion that 3 decades is plenty of time to see how a plan's gonna work out. That plan sucked. New plan.

Now I work very very hard to be real. That isn't as easy as it sounds. After using the crowbar to remove the mask I realized that I now need to figure out which of my opinions were really my own and which were accessories for "The Girl I'm Not". I ended up having to break it down Barney style into the two catagories: Stuff That Makes Me Happy, and Stuff That Sucks Big Green Donkey Dick. (even in Barney style lists I have a bit of a flair for colorful language. Jesus is in the details, you know.) This has been an incredibly long week with a lot of List A and a lot of List B. But thus far the Suck list has been edging ahead. Since I have an inate love of the list I decided that perhaps if I jot down the happies versus the shitstorm I might be able to concentrate on List A, thereby surviving another week. Bear with me.

Let's start with the bad stuff so I can have a happily ever after type ending, shall we?

Stuff that Both Sucks AND Blows At the Same Time:
* i am so friggin' broke that the guy with the cardboard sign at the offramp tossed me a quarter...and I took it.
* although Spring officially starts in 9 hours and 20 minutes it is doing a really good impression of February.
* 3 words...out of beer.
* headaches are back and out for blood.
* i'm severely lacking on phone time with mah girls as of late. my fault and i intend to remedy that the second i can defunk.
* it is cold and that makes me ow and my feet haven't been warm since September.
* i spent 4 hours today wallpaper shopping for the Bathroom of Despair in Mo's house...and we still don't have any wallpaper.
* i was reminded every 20 minutes or so that this would probably be the last wallpaper Mo ever picks out...and Mo was the one who kept reminding me.
* i'm worried about Mo. I have the bad feeling.
* Ruby isn't healing well.
* Grandmonster and my MIL are being particularly heinous.
* gravity is taking its toll on not only my eyelids but the boobs are going south as well.
* womb for rent.

Things I Have Going For Me:
* M. Even when he is being an irritating SOB he still makes me smile a thousand times a day. Safe is a really good feeling.
* I have the best friends in the whole wide ever. I'm sure someone else thinks their friends are best and I will refrain from bursting their bubble with the information that I, in fact have the best ones so theirs are merely in the top 40...except it is true.
* Boy, do I have great dogs or what? And they are currently all about the snuggleface right now. Gus hates to see me cry and every time I do he smooshes his face against mine until he wipes the tears all gone.
* Isabelle. She is sunshine in a girl suit. And I taught her to blow me kisses.
* I got to spend hours upon hours shopping, laughing, joking, wandering, sparkling, eating Chinese food, drinking girly drinks, and watching movies with The Lean Green Birthday Machine Jennysue, Brenda, Bonnie, and myhomie (Go Dawgs) ANN yesterday. The underlying feeling of the day was Contentment.
* girl scout cookies.
* I got to spend my Saturday doing something nice for Mo that made her happy.
* despite Grandmonster's Mood O' Doom, I invited her along for the Saturday Mo date and took them both out to lunch.
* Grandmonster's mood changed and she thanked me for getting her out of the house for a few hours to spend time with Mo and me. She said I did a nice thing for her and she realized it and appreciated it.
* Savanna missed me today and gave me a 4 minute hug when we got home. Plus she did nice things for me while I was out. Namely, chores.
* it was nice to come home to a clean family room, dogs that were content because they had been fed and scratched and brushed, plants that were watered, and a driveway that was swept.
* DANIEL IS BACK ON THIS CONTINENT!!!!!

Okay, I might be feeling better. Sometimes happy is hard work. Further updates as events warrant.

It is called Downtime.

2005-03-15T11:10:00.000-05:00

And I'm having some. Seriously, not a damn thing going on here of any note whatsoever. Sure, I've got stuff to do and I'm doing it, however it isn't anything at all entertaining and mostly has to do with paperwork and housecleaning and math. Nothing blogworthy is going on.

Grandmonster is being well behaved, despite the fact that I am uber snappish lately, M is handing over the cash as he gets it, Ruby's getting healed (slowly, but healed nonetheless), my shoulder isn't getting healed (one can only ask for so much, you know), and I'm infinately busy and infinately bored.

The most exciting part of my life is the book I'm reading. It is called "Lost" by Gregory Maguire, the guy who wrote one of my most favoritest books of all times, "Wicked: the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West". I sincerely didn't figure this for a creepy book, even though there is a picture of a half dead guy with bulging eyes on the cover. (never judge a book by its cover. didn't your mama ever tell you that? so I didn't. and now I'm having fucked up dreams. thanks mom.) Mr. Maguire takes fairy tales and spins them into someone else's perspective. Like Cinderella from the step sister's POV (Confessions of an Ugly Step Sister) or Wizard of Oz from the green lady's POV. This one is primarily an adaptation of Dicken's A Christmas Carol but told from the great great great great grandaughter of Mr. Scrooge's POV. It also has shades of Alice In Wonderland and the ghost of Jack the Ripper is somehow involved and there is a book within a book since Granddaughter Scroogey is a writer trying to work her way through a new book. It is all very confusing and creepy as all get out.

I was reading it in the laundrymat this weekend and the lady who runs the joint (i know her well. i'm in there a lot. that's how dull my life is right now. i go to the laundrymat just to get out of the house.) went out to have a smoke and left me in there alone at dusk. Just me, my iPod, this creepy ass book, and the bumps and thumps of whirring laundry. I changed my iPod from Miles Davis to Mraz to try to sing the creeps out but I ended uo having to stop reading and go out to join her in the smoking area.

I READ STEPHEN KING BOOKS WHEN I WAS 9 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Why is this creeping me out? All I can figure is that it is very Hitchcockian and unlike Mr. King's books you are never given any explanaition for what is making the paint on the wall bubble up into the shape of a crucifix and there is nearly always some shadow or another that you find out about right before it disappears and is never heard from again. Kinda leaves you waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So, after my allotment of paperwork for today is done, the ingrediants for dinner are thawing or waiting for assembly, my math is checked, my doctors are called, the bedrooms are vacuumed, the dogs are medicated, and Grandmonster is re-chained to the couch out of reach of the stereo or the phone I will be crawling back under my book and jumping at every snapcracklepop that occurs in this house. I'm gonna change my cell phone ringtone to something a little less ominous.

Happy thought of yesterday: Sammie, Kimmy, and Zach (my cousins/godkids) came over to bring me cookies and visit and play. Zach (who has had a rough time with school his whole life and dropped out several years ago) is not only back in school but he is OFFICIALLY A JUNIOR!!!!! I could not be even slightly more proud of him if I tried! And Kimmy is engaged (by the age of 18, to a really tall guy named Steve, just like me. hopefully hers will work out better than mine did. she's 20 now so we'll know soon enough.) and I got to see her ring and she's just 30 types of adorable. Plus, her boytoy is scared of me, so that's a good thing. ANDANDAND, Sammie is officially a teenager. She's still beautiful (she looks a lot like Thora Birch http://www.enzogiobbe.com/celebs/Thora_Birch_CL.jpg, with really blonde hair) and she has a penchant for things that go sparkle. I haven't seen them in a few months so it was amazing to get to hang out with them for a while. I think it might be time for a slumber party. Yes, I know they are 20, 19, and 13 respectively, but they humor me.

Okay, now who has a calculator? Math is hard.

Quick like a bunny

2005-03-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

Just hopping on long enough to say to http://3gallonsofcoffee.blogspot.com/ and
http://mamachef.blogspot.com/ ,

your books were shipped this morning and by next week sometime you will both have a wondermous new book to read. When you're D-U-N let me know and tell me how much you loved it. Then someone send a copy to me so I can read it again. Or better yet, use it as incentive to come visit my ass up here in the frozen northern south.

And somebody give God a message from me.

"Enough with the SNOW already! It's spring! I know it is! It HAS to be!"

I think He's stopped returning my calls. I think I might have worn Him out this week already.

But now I have a date with the couch and a box of Tagalongs.

What the...?

2005-03-10T17:47:00.000-05:00

Where in the hell did this Bad Mood come from? I was fine all day (it is Isabelle day so that lends itself to a very happy Lola from the hours of 6:30 am to 4:00 pm) and then I get home and

WHAM

Bad Mood.

I have successfully snapped at everyone in this house besides poor sick Ruby. She's had enough trauma for one week and doesn't need Bitchy Lola causing her more. But damn, I'm just in a foul temper. I think I actually growled at Grandmonster. That would explain why she fled the room. She probably didn't even deserve it...this time. I was simply getting dinner started (since we have started the new budget and that leaves zero room for take out on Isabelle Day) and commented that we are now down to one burner on the stove that works and here she comes to check and make sure that I am wrong by poking and prodding the offending appliance and asking if I turned it on.

Okay, yeah, that deserved the growl. I wonder if she actually expects me to say "Oh, you know what? I did forget to turn it on. That must be why the burner isn't getting hot. Silly me. I must be stupid." If she knew what was good for her she'da stayed the hell outta the kitchen entirely, or at least ducked really fast after she asked me. I did restrain myself from shoving her out of the way and into the TG laden hallway. I get points in heaven for that, right?

But yes. Bad Mood. Impending Doom. And I checked my calendar and I am so not due for PMS yet. And even so, this mood is way worse than any PMS I've had for a long while.

Screw it. I'm gonna stop analyzing and start drinking. Thank goodness I had the foresight to go to the liquor store before the budget kicked in. So who wants to fix Lola a big ol' drink?

Fear not

2005-03-09T10:29:00.000-05:00

My telephone and internet silence is not due to me crawling back into a hole, just a minor major medical malfunction that is temporarily keeping me from leaving the confines of my bed for more than an hour or so. Yesterday was BAD but today's looking up. Hopefully I'll be out of the haze enough to make a few phone calls this evening. (or call me and I'll have the cell and reg'lar phone by my side)

And on Monday I had a BIG HAPPY. The Kharma Fairy, in the guise of my dearest darlingest Jennysue, came to my house with my Kharmic Rebate tucked under her cute little coat (which I notice she still hasn't found the hood for). Since my dearest darlingest #3GA was in need of a big happy last month I brought her a Kate Spade that was given to me by the Wondermous TammiTammy, who knew I'd be one of the few to appreciate the fabulousness of Kate. Since #3GA only missed out on the Kating because of a fluke occurance I have timeshared it with her. She was happy. In true Kharmic glory, Jennysue noticed I could use a big happy so when she found an adorable Kate Spade lurking at her local consignment store she snapped it up and BROUGHT IT TO ME!!!!!!

So Kate came home and I will continue my quest of letting as many people possible know of the wonders and glories of Jennysue, who loves me. (and you may commence to being jealous) And for the record, I second my own motion to make Jennysue an official Numbers Wannabe. That's What.

Their Eyes Were Watching Oprah

2005-03-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

I’m not usually one for spending my valuable Sunday night TV watching time tuned in to a movie of the week. I mean, Sunday night is the best TV night of the week. Forget Thursday Must See TV. Since the inception of Sex and The City and the Sopranos and the newest prime time fare of Desperate Housewives and The Surreal Life I have been forced to refuse any plans that don’t get me home by 7:45 pm on Sundays. I also hate it when they pre-empt Desperate Housewives for just about anything: from Presidential address to a Dynasty reunion, it just pisses me off.

HOWEVER…

I just can’t wait for this Sunday night to arrive. My VCR is set. (yes, it is the best I can do until it comes out on DVD. I am a technological cavewoman with anything other than my iPod.) This Sunday night one of my all time favorite books finally makes it to the small screen. Oprah has kindly put in motion an adaptation of Zora Neal Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God. I love that book. I read it for the first time as a freshman in college and developed such an affinity for the character of Janie that each chapter I was more and more outraged with the turn of events in her life. Yes, I know, it is not a true story. It was just so well written and had so much truth that I had an emotional connection to the characters. When the story reaches the climax I was beside myself with wanting her to be happy. I just love it. I am a full on book nerd when it comes to this tome.

Thank goodness Oprah had the foresight to get Halle Barry signed to play the lead role the day after she won her Oscar. It is perfect casting. I am so excited to see what she does with the character and if her portrayal matches the picture in my head. I am giddy.

Take my advice and go out and pick up a copy of the book because as in most things I am sure the movie will not do the book justice. It’ll be good and probably better than average since Oprah seems to have the same affinity for the story as I, but it is just hard to live up to something so fantastic.

*sidenote: Wish me luck. I'm off to see Dave Ramsey, the Wonderful Wizard of Cash, to learn how to give the breath of life to my financial situation. Cross everything that doesn't charge a cover.

the cause of the Ow.

2005-03-04T14:30:00.000-05:00

Here's the short and sweet of it since I have been instructed to keep my ass off the computer for a while by my nice and adorable doctor.

So I have allergies, lots of 'em, not the least of which is mold and dust. Since TG Sheppard is primarily composed of mold and dust and he lives here you can imagine the state my sinuses are in right now. My allergies usually show themselves in the hacking-cough-that-prompts-people-to-ask-if-I've-had-a-TB-test-recently way and this time is no exception. So hackhack coughcough FUCKING OW went Lola one night last week. Somewhere mid hack my shoulder muscles flew out between my collarbones, down my sleeve, and out back somewhere to grapple with the Swamp Thing that has taken up residence in my backyard since the monsoon season hit Kentucky.

Now, because I am officially freaked out due to recent and not so recent hospital stays my brain went deeerectly to the "oh my God this feels like blood clot pain" place but not to the "hey, I might have a blood clot so I should probably take some money and go to my nearest health professional, hand them a wad of cash and make them make me not die" place. Because we have no money, that's what. And though blood clots are free, getting rid of them isn't, kinda like in-laws.

Instead I wait till I wake up screaming in pain and taking shallow breaths at 2 am on a Tuesday. I immediately go pee to give me time to mull over if I am actually in enough peril to risk waking M aka Grumpy Ass up. I then decide that yes, yes I am in enough peril, or at least pain. So I then retrieve my makeup bag and start doing minimum coverage so as to get out the door faster.

Like I'm gonna go to a public place sans makeup. Puh-leeze.

We go to the dumbass hospital ER and we wait for 45 minutes (because I am now in full blown freak out and hyperventilating and just being able to not breathe is not enough to get the nurse to miss her gossip time with the eleven year old doc on staff that night) in an ER with a whopping 3 people in it. Two of those 3 were M and myself. They take me back, ask me stuff, make sure I know how to work the remote, and leave.

About an hour later the nurse comes in looking distracted. She asks if anyone has been by to give me the results of my blood test yet. Um, no one has been by to take my blood yet so Ima say no on this one, Gidget. She piles me into a wheelchair, forgets to remove the break, tosses me out of the wheelchair when she tries to shove me with the brake on, piles me back in, removes brake, runs me square into a woman with a ton of needles...backwards. This is the blood taking lady. Out of the chair pile I, blood is taken by the friendly neighborhood vampire, off I go to X-ray (nuclear medicine), get some pics taken, back go I.

To wait. And wait. Oh, and wait.

Back comes Gidget to tell me that I need to follow the doctor's orders and get the hell out of her ER. "Um, what doctor?" We do a little song and dance about whether or not I'd actually seen a doctor that night as visions of the joke about a line up with a mop, a doughnut, and a pussy enter my head. Because I'd be able to pick a doctor out of that line up, that's what. (preceeding joke not for the faint of heart. rest assured, somebody reading this will have gotten that joke. I'd clue the rest in but I'm on borrowed time.) She realizes it is futile to argue with me and goes to get Doogie Howser M.D., who was in the cafeteria flirting with someone else and trading Pokemon cards (or so I must assume from the assiness of Gidget's demeanor on the male species when she returned with orders and prescriptions). Then she kicks me out.

As it turns out, Doogie had focused on the cough part of my problem instead of the BIG GIANT OWness part and gave me a Zpack. Except, yeah, I told him it was allergies, but whatever. Mom picked me up since M had long since had to leave me to go to work. She spent about 30 hours babying me and trying to teach me to fetch and lay on a pillow at the foot of her bed, but I was well fed and very well cared for (and really wish I'd been born a very small dog that looks like Yoda) and Dad took me home Thursday morning.

I went to the nice doc who does not suck today and it turns out that it isn't a blood clot (yeah yeah, drama queen, I know) but I did do quite a number on a shoulder muscle with the hacking and coughing and flipping off of ER employees and all. AND as it turns out my nice doc is andIquote "Not fucking around anymore, Lola" and I should get my damn blood pressure checked twice a week and take the damn meds and stop being such a hero already before I finally have that damn heart attack and then I'd be sorry yeahbuddy.

Did I mention that this particular nice doc is my normal family doc's own personal Dr. Daughter who is taking over his practice? Or that I actually have known her for a really long time and this is not nearly the first time I've heard her drop the F bomb? 'Cause it is and it is and it isn't.

So here I be, on blood pressure meds and with a wonky shoulder and if I don't get off this computer and quit jacking around with said shoulder Miss Nice Doc Jr. will come kick my ass, and me with only one arm to fight back with means she'd do it good.

But I'm not dying, and thanks for the prayers and I love y'all.

THE END

quick update while the meds are working

2005-03-03T10:37:00.000-05:00

Here's a list ('cause we know i love a list) of the happenings in Lolaland as of late.

* ow. no really. OW.
* why do they schedule all the biggest dumbass Emergency Room employees together on the late shift?
* why don't they let me kick dumbass ER employees?
* there is traffic all the time in Louisville, even 3am on a Tuesday.
* M cannot cook.
* my bed is a whole lot less comfy than the guest room bed at my mama's.
* since Mom's dog died she is really hard up to baby something.
* No matter how many treats she promises me, I will not let her take me for a walk.
* An opportunity to go to California for 3 weeks has been offered to me.
* I don't know yet if I'm gonna take them up on it.
* Three weeks without my husband and my dogs is a lot.
* If I aquire one more heating pad I can use it to complete my new winter ensemble.
* OW.

That's about it. Keep the prayers going. I have an appointment with my decidedly non-dumbass doctor tomorrow morning to see what's causing the giant ow.

If anyone saw

2005-02-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

the guy who snuck up behind me last night and jammed a javelin betwixt the vertebrae in my neck please alert me immediately so I can track him down like the sneaky sadistic bastard that he is and and beat him senseless with his own elbow. Just make sure he isn't on my right because my head doesn't want to turn that way.

I hate it when I sleep weird. It probably doesn't help that we're still sleeping on the same mattress I bought for my first apartment in college about 15,000 years ago. It wasn't a high end mattress in the first place but the lady said it'd get me through college. Little did she know that I'd never finish college and 8+ years later I'd still be sleeping on it. So now I'm in the market for a new bed.

I figure if I have to save for one anyway I should at least try to budget for a bigger and better one. I got this one when it was just me that'd be partaking of it. (and since my mom reads this on occasion for the purposes of this blog I was the only human to ever get within eyeshot of my bed till I married M. seriously. no one else. forget what you've heard. just me. no really. i love you, mommy.) Now each night you can find piled on the same mattress a good chunk of the population of this house. We stuff M, Big Fat Gus, and Big Fat Ruby, and me in it along with almost 43.2 million pillows of varying size and color (I'm prohibited by Girl Law to reveal the true necessity and nature of throw pillows. Rest assured, they do have a purpose. And no, your girlfriend/wife/female in your life will not tell you what it is.) along with 2 separate comforters (since M can't seem to grasp the concept of cover sharing). Every other weekend it houses me, BFGus, BFRuby, Princess protege, an array of remote controls that go to any number of televisions/DVD's/stereos/etc. and the entire population of the Polly Pocket and American Girl Doll worlds. After Princess passes out from exhaustion we move her to her own room and M gets the chance to convince me why I should let him share the bed. Once I get free space I make myself comfy right smack in the middle. Even the dogs aren't safe from my bed hoggage.

So now I think it might be time for an upgrade. The queen mattress and boxsprings that was quite sufficient when I was 20 is severely lacking in square footage now that I'm...ahem...not 20 anymore. A queen size barely accommodates the square footage of my own ass now. So I'm in the market for a California King size. In fact, if I can find something bigger than that then that's what I want. If I could just have a mattress custom made to fit the entire volume of our bedroom I'd happily save and shell out the buckage for it. I just want to turn my whole room into one big bed.

When you think about it carefully you can see the benefits of having a room size bed:
* no vacuuming. when vacuuming time comes around you just change the sheets and move on. i hate vacuuming. i prefer laundry to vacuuming any day.
* bed hoggage is a thing of the past. if your spouse wanders into your bed space by mistake you can just give him a shove and he rolls out the door and into the family room. just follow close enough so you can lock the door before he wakes up and tries to get back in.
* no straining your back trying to lift the extra chunky beagle with back problems onto the bed. this applies to Ruby. no one can say we starve her, that's fo damn sho.
* no trying to retrieve things that have fallen and rolled under the bed. if they are under the bed now they are in the crawlspace and there isn't a chance in hell I'm going down there. whatever it is i don't need it that bad. i'll just buy another one.
* you can lay in bed all day long and say that you're just cleaning your room.

I'm all for it. However, if I save and scrimp to get a big giant bed it's MY bed. Forget M. There are 3 other bedrooms in this house. He can get his own. That'll teach him to steal my favorite blanket.

and Hunter S. Thompson died yesterday.

2005-02-22T13:17:00.000-05:00

that makes me sad. but he lived and that makes me happy. and he documented himself living and that is a very good thing.

thanks for the words, gonzo.

Something in the Water

2005-02-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

Not only is this title representitive of my favorite songwriting Jeffrey in the whole world (Mr. Steele), it also must describe what's going on in this house today. Grandmonster musta drunk something funny. She's being weird. I almost thought I got up in the wrong house this morning and went to check the house number. Of course then I saw that there is still a wooden cowboy cutout leaning againt the shutters in the front yard so I knew it was the right house. Cloning is still a possible explanation. I've plucked one of the 4 hairs out of her head and am calling Maury Povich to see if he can have his crack team of scientists run a test or something.

Here's how things went down. M took a vacation day today because he had to go to court for an accident he was in a couple of months ago. Of course I took care of the grown up side of dealing with the accident (because it is apparently how I roll) like filing with insurance and getting paperwork together (becuase he didn't have his insurance card in the car at the time) and checking court dates and figuring out what he needed to have today and all the other good stuff. Then Grandmonster started in with the bitching about how she had to take 2 different medications each day and it's too much to keep up with and get filled all the time and figuring out how much each is gonna cost (and those of you who know me understand why it is is that I have precisely zero sympathy for her on that front). So Lola snatches the prescription bottle out of her hands and calls the pharmacy and has it refilled, finds out how much it is and how many refills she has left so she can get a new scrip from her doctor at her next appointment (which I made for her) next week and sends M out to pick it up.

Then she starts in on why it is that she thinks the dumpster (yeah, the one I rented to get rid of all her shit) cost more than the deposit we had put down on it and why it was probably the dumpster people's fault that we owe them money and wasn't that a while ago so why are they just asking for the money now and it had to be their fault it was more than the deposit because when we called them to pick it up they couldn't get to it till the next day so that was what the overage was, right? And she can spare $50 since we don't have the money to pay them. Lola, working on a total combined four and a half hours of sleep for the last week, snapped. The monologue is as follows:

FIRST OF ALL, the overage was because we had a limit of a total of 12 tons that we could put in the dumpster before they charged us more. We had a total of 14 tons and some change that was actually in there because no one has bothered to go through all the stuff in the basement in the past 30 years and I had to do it myself. So they charged us for extra weight, because there was a whole lot in that dumpster. They picked it up on time because I CALLED THEM IN TIME. Secondly, they are not just now trying to get their money, they have been trying to get their money for a while now but since no one taught YOUR GRANDCHILD, my husband, to manage money he has neglected to write them the check in lo these many moons. Despite the fact that I tell him nearly daily to write it and even wrote it for him once and stamped it and had it ready to send and he LOST THE CHECK IN THE PIT THAT IS HIS CAR, the bill is still not paid. (well it is now, i had him drop it off on the way to pick up Grandmonster's pills this morning) AND THIRDLY, we do not need your money. You are welcome to give us money at any time, but we do not need it. What we need is to be able to work on our own finances without anybody's help who doesn't have their actual name on our joint checking account. And since she was the one who neglected to teach his ass how to handle money and royally fucked it up she should probably let me take a shot at the teaching this time.

That's when I turned around, poured my coffee and left the room.

A few minutes later I hear her come sneaking up behind me. She leaned in and gave me a big hug and kiss (hell yes I jumped, wouldn't you?) and thanked me for taking such good care of her and M. She said she didn't know what they would have done without me. She told me that if it weren't for me she would have lost her house to either an auction or a distroyed foundation. She told me I make their lives better.

So I am forced to wonder how Grandmonster got aholt of the crack.

Concert season is coming!!!

2005-02-21T12:42:00.000-05:00

I do love me some live music. Last night, my concert buddy and I went through the newspaper to scope out any opportunities to see artisits we love and adore right in our own hometown. Yeah, not many. However there are a couple of shows coming up that we're gonna have to see. Next month both Marc Broussard and Citizen Cope will be here. (yes, I realize that there is a good chance you don't know who the hell I'm talking about-except Tasty, who understands the immeasurable draw of one Marc Broussard, but rest assured, I like them.) I also see that my favorite hometown band in the world, Digby, is gonna be playing a few shows in the coming weeks and I have no choice but to go and try to maul the keyboardist. It's okay, he knows the BIG LOVE I have for him and will be more than willing to let me hug him till he can't breathe and then bum smokes off me. It just so happens that he is one of my nearest and dearest from high school and I've been maulling him for going on 15 years now. But their music is amazing and they are starting to get some good radio airplay in some parts of the country. Go check them out. You will not be sorry. Amazon.com has their newest cd and they have a listing on VH-1.com with a video clip and everything.

But I digress...as usual. Back to concert season. I might be taking a few days out of town to schlep out to the nether regions of Ohio to see Mr. Mraz next month as well. Sooner or later he's gonna realize that he needs to play a show a whole lot closer to me. Until then, I schlep. And since his new album doesn't come out till August Ima probably need to schlep a few more times this spring and summer. Who's in?

But it just so happens that the first thing I got tickets to this concert season is not music. M and I are gonna see Dave Ramsey, financial guru, in 2 weeks. I'm tired of being the only one managing the money in this house. M has promised to go, not sleep through it, and to take notes and FOLLOW THEM. This financial dilemma we have going was perpetuated by every time we get money we put it into fixing this house (if you can call it that). The house then devours the cash, burps, and laughs and laughs. Being a homeowner is a pain in the ass, especially when there is no hammock. I want to actually have the money to fix the gutters before the Swamp Thing takes up permanant residence in my yard and our foundation collapses. Good luck with that, huh?

In order for me to not feel musically starved I am still adding my extensive cd collection to my iPod. I just love having nearly every cd I own on my person at any time without actually carrying the cds themselves. You never know when you're gonna want to go from listening to Al Green to Van Morrison or ABBA to the Violent Femmes. Sometimes the only thing to help you get through the day is playing Fernando really loud and then following it with Country Death Song. I'm such a dork. I'm just happy that I've got about 1400 songs on the old iPod and it is not quite 1/4 full yet. And that includes the 3 audio books I've got hanging out in there! Maybe after my visit with Mr. Ramsey I'll have a few more bucks to buy some new cds! Yea technology!

Hi, my name is Lola and I am a music junkie.

I still wanna be like Tasty.

2005-02-18T16:09:00.000-05:00

So I stole it too. I'll blog about my blechy last couple of days later, when it doesn't seem to suck as much. Till then...

IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Savannah, GA
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING? yoga clothes...aka clothing that only touches my body nowhere.
THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? I bought Marc Broussard (cause I wanna be like Tasty and he rocks) and recieved Michael Buble's new one for Valentine's Day.
WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? round about 7:30
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? my Kitchen Aid mixer. I just saw the new version of it in lime green so I might hafta get married again to get another one. I wonder if John Cusack can be talked into it?
IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Piano. always wanted to play the piano.
FAVORITE COLOR? Lime Green and Breton Blue
WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV? Whichever one comes with a driver.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE? Definitely.
FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and any of the Junie B. Jones books, that's what.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? I love it right when Spring is turning into Summer. It's my favorite smell too.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? to wave a wand and make all my friends' dreams come true.
IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? got kicked out of the tattoo parlor right before I could get my 9 pointed star. Ima get it though.
CAN YOU JUGGLE? my emotions. lots of practice with that.
THE ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? my Paw Paw.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? tomorrow
WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR/TRUCK: the stuff I just bought from Target and haven't gotten around to bringing inside yet.
WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Hamburger. Or, more specifically, the "Choker Burger" from the Vortex!
FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? I'm last to respond, as usual, so no one.
WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? see above
WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM? stole it from Tasty and #3GA
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Gerbera Daisies, any and all colors.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? Broiled lobster with lemon butter and mashed taters.
WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? July 3rd
DESCRIBE YOUR PJS. comfy, colorful, and usually funny. (I'm all about my jammies with the bingo balls on them. They are adorable. Ask the numbers, they've seen 'em plenty.)

Since I have nothing to say

2005-02-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

I'll do the next best thing. SURVEY SAYS!!!

YOUR SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL
*[What year was it?]1993

[What were your three favorite bands?]John Coltrane, P.M Dawn, Spin Doctors. I'm diverse.

[What was your favorite outfit?] strangely enough, I frequently wore jeans back then.

[What was up with your hair?] Absolutely nothing. Not enough AquaNet in the world to give Lola Mall Hair. I sported the classic shoulder length bob.

[Who were your best friends?] Karen , Holly, Wendy, and Matt.

[What did you do after school?] Talked on the phone and started dinner.

[Did you take the bus?] Nope, I talked any number of unsuspecting boys into taking me to and from school. A belated thank you to Matt is in order.

[Who did you have a crush on?] John S. (always), Brennen, Joey.

[Did you fight with your parents?] just with my Mom.

[Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?] Johnny Depp

[Did you smoke cigarettes?] Started my senior year.

[Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?] I had art 3 periods a day. I just kept all my books (and by that I mean 2, Lit. and French) there.

[Did you have a 'clique'?] yeah, but we all tended to wander in and out of a lot of cliques.

[Did you have "The Max" like Zach, Kelly, and Slater?] Mickey D's or my house. My parents were away a lot.

[Admit it, were you popular?] I have no idea. I'll ask at the next reunion.

[Who did you want to be just like?] Charlie Wen

[What did you want to be when you grew up?] an artist

[Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?] I wanted to be the thing that K said she saw me as in my senior yearbook. Owner of fun art gallery in Bevery Hills. And married with kids.

i might have something to say

2005-02-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

but probably not. I am winging it on this entry because I really have no point for it in mind. However, since I am back in the blogging universe I am forcing myself to write anyway so I don't slip back into the abyss where it is more important to clean the dining room and vacuum the family room than get on here and spout random opinions and make with the funny. So here I be. Ya wanna make something of it?

I did watch one of my old favorite movies yesterday that I haven't seen in a while. Yeah, still makes me laugh. They just got it on Netflix (free plug. where's my swag?) so I had to have it right away. If Lucy Fell with Sarah Jessica Parker has it's moments of "huh?" but more one liners than you can count...and considering I'm a numb3r, that's a whole lot. My favorite line? "I'm sorry, I can't really hear any assholes talking right now." Still makes me giggle.

So, Valentine's Day was fun. I made lots of food and that's always a crowd pleaser. Plus I paid the brother in law to get Grandmonster out of the house for a few hours and that's ALWAYS a good idea. She tried to come home early but I know she doesn't have a key to her own house and I locked the door so she was forced to go (with BIL) to her daughter's workplace and sit in the breakroom with her and bitch for 45 minutes. But she still wasn't speaking to me by the time she got home so I didn't have to deal with it. Happy Valentine's Day to me, fo damn sure.

Lola's "I learned it the hard way" hint for Feb. 15th, 2005: When carrying fondue to the table, take extra care to not trip. That shit is HOT. Better yet, get someone you don't give a shit about to carry it to the table for you. "OH GRANDMA..."

Okay, that's all I've got.

She's crazy, I tell ya!

2005-02-14T14:54:00.000-05:00

So here's a little exposition to get this story rollin'. Grandmonster was married on February 14th, 1812 (or some such nonsense) and so every year I get her a dozen roses in honor of her anniversary. This is important because her husband expired early (probably a smart move on his part) and no one else in this family remembers Valentine's Day other than M and that's because he knows better than to forget it. So yesterday I put on minimal makeup to take a quick trip to the flower buying place to make sure I have Grandmonster's flowers since today I am busy making Valentine's Day special (didya hear the sarcasm?) for M and I don't wanna have to deal with trying to hunt up roses on V-day.

So, home I come with some lovely roses which I proceed to make into a FABULOUS arrangement with beautiful accent flowers and a little love. (I know you heard it that time.) Grandmonster is suddenly pacing in and out of the kitchen, giving me the sideways eyeball as I prepare her flowers. So I ask her if she likes them. She asks what they are. I tell her they are her Valentine's and Anniversary flowers from me. She says "What'd you get me flowers for?" I repeat the whole Valentine's/Anniversary thing for her and add the exposition from above in case she caught a case of the seniles along with an attack of the cancer.

That's when she yelled at me. Anyone wanna guess why? Seriously. Because I have no clue. She yelled at me for being stupid and buying her flowers when she has no place to put them and they're just gonna die anyway. Then she calls me stupid again. Wha-huh-fuck?

Apparently all it takes is someone calling his wife stupid to get M in motion and with a quickness. He sprinted from the family room to the living room and pulled out his angry voice. He said what I wanted to. It goes as follows...

What the hell is wrong with you, woman? Do you really have no idea that when someone buys you something, even if you don't want it, you are supposed to say THANK YOU? Fuck! And what do you mean you don't have anywhere to put the flowers? You have plenty of room to put new pictures of TG and ugly up the whole damn house with Nascar shit! Now I know why this whole family is fucked up. It's YOU! You have no respect for anyone and you taught Mom and B and C to be the same way. Get your ass in that kitchen RIGHTFUCKINGNOW and apologize to my wife and tell her thank you for going out of her way for the 4th year in a row and buying you the only Valentine's present you ever get. N-O-W.

Of course she didn't. She huffed and puffed and blew herself right into silence. If M didn't look so damn mad I would have laughed right out loud. She sat on the couch with her arms crossed and the pouty lip sticking out (a lot, she didn't have her teeth in at the time) and went into a self imposed silence. She still hasn't talked to me. I have been taking full advantage of it too. I have been fucking with her coffee pot, sat here all day with the windows and back door wide open while she jacks up the themostat, made a HUGE mess in the kitchen, washed the dishes that she yells at me for washing (she's usually so bored that she wants to have dishes in the sink so she can wash them at her leisure-and then I have to wash them again. she doesn't see so well and she cleans even worse.), proudly displayed the flowers I bought for her on MY coffee table and stoop over to smell them every time she's within viewing distance, encoraged the dogs to join me in the kitchen, went from room to room turning off all radios that were in a different room than her, and played my new favorite punk band's cd (The Killers-Hot Fuss)as loud as possible.

And it's only 3.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

There are things wrong with her that I can't fix.

2005-02-11T12:22:00.000-05:00

Yes, Hot-lanna stories coming, but whilst I am preparing them apparently my life marches on. I was forced to sharpen my "Fuck you, skippy" muscles last night and scare the bejeeezus out of a young'en in the process.

For those who haven't heard my rant about The Littlest Whore lemme catch you up. She's about 12 (and by that I mean 23) and has been carrying a fired up torch for MY HUSBAND since she was a fetus. She is the baby sister of a friend of ours and she pisses me tha fuck off. Now, I maintain that all girls are basically stupid till at least 24 years of age. I was, we all were. Some grow out of their stupid by 24 and some never quite get it (usually the ones who also just can't quite master their times tables), and this girl has to write imaginary math problems in the air with her finger to get the answer to 1 x 1. She calls my house in spurts. She'll call every 10 minutes for days and then disappear for a month only to call back at like 2am on a Wednesday. I hate her.

I have personally heard M tell her to stop calling and heard her laugh it off. One day she called and when I answered she did a bit of mouth breathing and hung up. Um, not just no, but FUCK NO! So I called her back with the old "Yes, someone from this number called here and hung up. Is there something I can help you with?" ploy. She countered with the "I dialed the number by mistake, sorry." defense which we both knew was a crock of shit. She called back later that night and I made M answer the phone and she innocently asked "Um, so do y'all have caller ID or something?". He said yes and she mentally calculated how many times I have seen her number on the caller ID display. 'Cept she can't count that high.

That was the last time we heard from her till yesterday. She called, Grandmonster answered, she hung up. She called again later, I answered, she said "oops, I didn't mean to dial this number, sorry." Uh huh, bullshit, whatever. She called a-fucking-gain a few hours later and hung up a-fucking-gain. I was D-U-N. I called her back. Transcript as follows. She will heretofore be known as TLW (The Littlest Whore).

*ring ring*
Phone answerer: Hello?

me: yes, is LeeAnn there?

PA: yeah, hang on a second.

TLW: ummmm, hello?

me: LeeAnn? this is M. S.'s wife.

TLW: oh...

me: yeah, Ima neeed you to quit calling my husband.

TLW: i...i...i...i didn't mean to dial that number a second ago.

me: yeah, whatever. but it would be in YOUR best interests to quit calling my husband...and any other people's husbands for that matter because ima go out on a limb here and say that i am probably the least likely wife to actually come over to your house and do you bodily harm. but i do know where you live in case that information suddenly becomes important to me...and your sister's address too, since you seem to spend a good amount of time there calling other people's husbands.

*M loses his battle with trying to hold back the laughter*

TLW *sounding crestfallen* : i...i...i...

me: and if you don't stop calling him i will not be calling you next time. i guess you probably regret calling him on your mother's cell phone right about now, huh?

TLW: i'll stop. i can do that.

me: i'm very proud of you.

*Lola hangs up the phone*

I fucking dare her.

**names have not been protected for any reason.

my head, which can be seen from space

2005-02-09T10:33:00.000-05:00

hurts. I've got that "I have the ghetto flu and I can actually feel my head expanding" feeling. I know I promised to make with the stories of the Numbers Summit but the time I planned to finish a post about it was usurped by a Tylenol Cold and Sinus haze (because M failed to notice the giant letters on the box that said NIGHTTIME Tylenol Cold and Sinus when he made the Walgreen's run. S'ok, I felt no pain and caught up on the napping.

Now, of course, I only have but a minute to hop on here and promise that I have not faded away again. I actually have to go get ready to have lunch with my mom and crazy Grandma Mo and then do some repair work on a few of Mo's household items that were injured in the past few weeks.

But I shall return.

andandand

2005-02-08T11:32:00.000-05:00

somebody tell me why my posts are way down here instead of way up there where i want them? you know, up where there is a whole lotta empty space going on. fuck, i am so out of practice.

Me, making with the funny

2005-02-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

other wise known as "It's just like Pong, but with lipgloss.".

WHHHOOOOO!!!! That was a helluva break from technology I took, huh? But with a lotta help from my friends I have climbed my ass up out of the hole and managed to spend a few consecutive hours without falling back in so Ima give this a try.

So let's just pretend that the last 3 months didn't happen (because I'm sure gonna) and since it involved (for me, all about me) a hospital stay, the normal financial fiasco that M and I usually fall in due to the fact that we hemmorage cash, and some big big baddies that I'm not even gonna mention because I have gotten out of the weepy seat on #3ga's couch it's not even a problem to wash the last three months out of my hair. Even easier because my hair ain't gonna retain near as many problems now that it is purple. Yup, I have purple hair. I had to do something since we got kicked out of a tattoo parlor before any of us could get our ink done. (but it's okay because I checked with Tattoo Charlie here in town and their shop minimum is cheaper than the Jackass Tattoo and Vice Principal Training School we got kicked out of anyway...and let's hope that the Negotiations Officer is just as hot) So I am rockin' the purple haze and it got a helluva reaction from M (who I remembered to tell that I might be coming home with a tattoo but forgot to mention that I had purple hair).

I've been reading the posts on the blogs of the numbers leading up to the Number Summit and as I have just been called to order by "the old bat" and might hafta see if she still fits in the freezer, and I need another cuppa my creme brule coffee from #3sc/tx I'll just say that what was predicted came true and then some. I'll tell the Pong story later today.

So, yea me! I'm baaaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkk!!!!!
(and the house across the street from me just went up for sale. any takers?)

Nine Layers

2004-11-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

Stolen directly from Madley's blog by way of email from #3ga.

Layer One
name: Lauren D N S
birth date: July 3rd, 1975
birthplace: Louisville, KY
current location: Louisville, KY- i've lived many mor places but i ended up back here and i'm pretty happy about it.
eye color: blue green/gray- but they change colors depending on what i wear and the weather.
color: currently dark blonde but soon to be highlighted
height: right about at 5 feet
righty or lefty: Lefty in almost all things
zodiac sign: Cancer- caution, i have mood swings

Layer Two
your heritage: Scotch Irish
the shoes you wore today: none yet but the ones I wore last night are adorable beige pumps with the sex kitten heels
your weakness: assuming i'm not good enough
your fears: phobia- fish. greatest fear- realizing i'm not good enough
your perfect pizza: thin and crispy crust with light sauce and extra cheese and mushrooms and black olives
goal you'd like to achieve: motherhood

Layer Three
your most overused phrase on aim: "'cause that's how i roll."
your first waking thoughts: where's my purse?
your best physical feature: husband says it's my ass, i think it's my eyes.
your most missed memory: summer solstice 1996

Layer Four
pepsi or coke: RC with ice and a straw
mcdonald's or burger king: McDonald's
single or group dates: i'm married, any date would be a blessing at this point.
adidas or nike: adidas, but not for running. i'm built for comfort, not speed.
lipton ice tea or nestea: Neither. I like tea steeped not powdered.
chocolate or vanilla: i can't have both?
cappuccino or coffee: both depends on my mood – but usually coffee.

Layer Five
smoke: yes, but i'm in the process of cutting back and quitting
cuss: are you fucking kidding me?
sing: For fun, always.
take a shower everyday: yes
do you think you've been in love: yes
want to go to college: been there, done that. never graduated.
want to get married: yes, and since I am married that's a great thing.
believe in yourself: most of the time...but that wasn't always the case
get motion sickness: sometimes.
think you're attractive: i'm definately cute.
think you're a health freak: um, no. but yoga's fun.
get along with your parent(s): i didn't always but i do now.
like thunderstorms: Yes -- unless I'm travelling in them.
play an instrument: took violin and flute lessons when i was little but i can't do either anymore.

Layer Six
in the past month...
drank alcohol: you have no idea
smoked: yes
done a drug: only those prescribed by my doctors
made out: all weekend...and some of it was even with my husband.
gone on a date: did i mention that i'm married?
gone to the mall: yes, and in my favorite mall in Indy to boot!
eaten an entire box of oreos?: this month? no, but i had a lot of Hostess products in the house. ever, hell yes.
eaten sushi: nope, raw fish is just not dead enough for me to bring that close to my own personal body.
been on stage: not in the last month
been dumped: sort of...
gone skating: No
made homemade cookies: Yep
dyed your hair: not yet, but today's looking good.
stolen anything: nope

Layer Seven
never...
played a game that required removal of clothing: Yup
if so, was it mixed company: yup
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yup.
been caught "doing something": yup.
been called a tease: Not to my face
gotten beaten up: yes
shoplifted: yes
changed who you were to fit in: yes, all the time. but i'm done with that now.

Layer Eight
age you hope to be married: done it already
numbers and names of children: we're working on that
describe your dream wedding: the one i had.
how do you want to die: at age 90 in great health in my sleep on a plane on the way back from Vegas with all my friends
where you want to go to college: Already went to college
what do you want to be when you grow up: whole
what country would you most like to visit: South Africa

Layer Nine
number of drugs taken illegally: One
number of people i could trust with my life: 9
number of cds that i own: too many to count
number of piercings: 2 in each ear. almost got my nose pierced this year for my birthday but since i take Flonase he wouldn't do it.
number of tattoos: None -- yet.
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 4 or 5.
number of scars on my body: see the question about cd's
number of things in my past that i regret: a really really lot- but my goal is to live from now on with as few as possible.